A year on..

[BubbleBoy12]

I'm a year on following an elective C-Section with my DS.

I'm seeing lots of memories of my pregnancy on social media and it's just been on my mind lately that I don't really understand or know what happened during my C-Section.

My son was a big baby, week early he was 10lb 1oz. No diabetes or complications during pregnancy and I'm of average stature etc.

I had to push for an elective C-Section, partly due to having problems with scarring. They keloid extremely bad and every health care professional agreed (judging from other scars I have and the severity of how they keloid and the effect it has on my life)

However, there was some really weird scenarios that happened and I never understood or was explained why.

They needed forceps and cut my sons face and head quite badly, I hemorrhaged and was told I also had "severe" polyhdraminos but no further explanation of what it is was, other than my babys lungs were filling with water. He also couldn't hear for a couple of weeks due to water???

Everything seemed like a whirlwind, I have no names of my consultant. She was horrendous to me and told me I was being dramatic for opting for an elective C-Section. She also asked me on the morning I went in, if I wanted to go home because I didn't really need one?

She later smirked after I had the baby and said "oh I guess who made the right decision"

I just felt really guilty about the whole thing, even now when I think back - it makes me really upset.

My husband was asked to leave during the C-section and we were never told why, he couldn't cut the cord or see our son for more than a a split second.

This might be straight forward or sound normal, but I just feel confused and like it was a big blur.

I had a miscarriage in July so I think it brought back some feelings, even though I was only briefly pregnant I was genuinely dreading the thought of seeing the consultant again and not understand what was happening to my body.

So my questions, did anyone else feel like this after they had their baby?

Also, how can I access my information from what actually happened? I only know snippets and it's playing on my mind.

I want another baby, but I want to be fully aware of what risks I'm facing. I just want to know really.

I think I'm just emotional today.

Some terrible spelling mistakes there, my apologies.

"Guess you made the right decision" **

I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience. I recommend you request a birth debrief. You should be able to find some contact details via the maternity pages of your local hospital, and/or via the community midwives. Telephone and ask if it's not obvious who to speak to. I had one, and it really helped me to understand what has happened and why. I felt more informed for my second labour.

I would do a GDPR request for your hospital notes and then ask for a hospital debrief with the head of midwifery services. Prepare a list of questions you want answers to and anything you don’t understand from your notes.

Sorry it wasn’t the experience you deserved. The consultant sounds horrible.

I second the advice for a birth debrief. At the hospital I had my daughter in the service is caller Birth Afterthoughts and for different reasons to yours I had one and DH and I both found it really useful. Ours was about 3 months after I had her and put to bed a lot of my confusion and filled it some large memory blanks.

I had an EMCS which ended in me having a general and DH was kicked out when they put me under so we both missed her actually coming out - I was unconscious and DH was pacing the halls in scrubs thinking he’d never see either of us again. We were very fortunate with a fantastic, professional and compassionate team who did the best they could to support all 3 of us and I’m hugely grateful for that but it was such a blur of drugs, decisions, drama and confusion we were left with a lot of questions about what the hell had gone on and bless DH I must have driven him half mad with my endless questions in the weeks and months after. I couldn’t remember seeing DD for the first time, couldn’t remember the first time I fed her, didn’t even realise for a day how badly it had gone with this weird very rare complication we’d had.

We met with a very experienced midwife who hadn’t been involved in the birth who’d read all the notes and went through the whole 5 days of stuff with us line by line to explain what had happened, why and filled in the blanks. She was also honest that there was some stuff I’d never get back but she helped me to accept that and, over time, I did start to remember meeting DD and other important things.

So it was a very different experience to yours and I’m so sorry your care was lacking in care and kindness but for lots of reasons mums, and dads, can find an opportunity to go over the notes and the series of events in a complicated or traumatic delivery helpful and potentially healing.

If you want to make a complaint about your care PALS is the best route for that.

My sympathies for your loss too. I had 5 mcs before having DD and it’s so painful and traumatic