No one is taking my labour concerns seriously

[ForeverHopeful21]

I'm pregnant with my second, and have told two midwives how worried I am about repeating my first labour experience. Both brushed it off and said "you've done it once you can do it again". I'm aware that second labours are often easier, but I'm petrified.

My labour was over 70 hours. I found the contractions excruciating right from the start, this lead to vomiting (from the pain) which lead to being hospitalised at 1cm, for dehydration and keytones.

So 55 hours were then spent on a labour ward attached to a drip with no pain relief, in agony, no sleep, constantly vomiting. Hell on Earth!

18 hours were active labour, of which I spent 2 hours pushing.
I was so tired that I was advised to have an epidural. Plus I couldn't have gas and air due to the sickness and constant retching.

Baby was in distress so emergency button pressed, staff running in etc. episiotomy and ventouse to get her out.
The consultant said and I quote "you could have pushed for 2 weeks and that head wouldn't have come out". Baby was 8lbs 9oz which I'm aware isn't the biggest in the world but her head was huge and I'm a very petite size 6.

This baby is a boy so I'm imagining a 10 pounder. My midwife assures me that my size Vs baby size doesn't matter and that theres nothing anyone can do about preventing me from being sick again.
I'm not really sure what I'm expecting them to say or do, but I'm just SOOOOOO WORRIED!!!

I am so sorry to hear of your experience. Please do not let anyone including the midwife dismiss your fears. The experience you had first time around sounds absolutely awful and it is totally understandable you are worried.
Is there anyone else you can speak to about this? You really need to get advice on what options are available to you. Do you need a further check or scan nearer the time to check on the baby’s size so the same thing doesn’t happen again? I would suggest speaking to your GP, maybe they can refer you to a consultant to discuss all your concerns because the midwife is not really being helpful.

Have you considered requesting a C-section? You can opt for this and it is the job of your midwives to put you in touch with a hospital that will offer this if they won't, but your registered hospital may very well agree. Stick to your guns - YOU are in charge of YOUR pregnancy and labour.

@thattravelphotographer is right.

I’ve just had my first, my community midwife dismissed every single one of my worries in pregnancy about labour and pretty much every single one happened. That’s extremely unlucky and may not be the case for you but you should not have your fears dismissed.

You can escalate to the senior midwives and I’m sure there’s a midwife whose role it is to be like an advocate midwife so they have to advocate on your behalf. This could escalate into tokophobia which is usually a trigger for elective c section of desired.

Good luck - and stand your ground!

If nothing else, would requesting a c section ease.your anxiety in the lead up?

What do you want them to do?
FWIW I had a horrific first birth, second didn't hurt, took less than 2 hours and I nearly didn't get to hospital.
Friend was in labour for 3 days with first, epidural, venture etc. 2nd born at home assisted by mother as she thought she had ages to go.

If you don't want an ELCS then try to relax as much as you can. Maybe make a plan with your MW for what could happen if it goes the same way (e.g. epidural earlier? CS if baby goes overdue?)

Firstly, there are things they can do for nausea and sickness, there are medications that can be prescribed, they are used for women who have Hyperemesis, so I would challenge your midwife on that for a start. I think your fears are not unreasonable, I was in labour for a week with my first, give or take, and was utterly exhausted and dehydrated by the time I was admitted, at 2cm, after 5 days of contractions, begging for help. However, my experience from then is so different to yours, I was given an oxytocin drip, epidural, and plenty of fluids, I was also encouraged to get sleep, put straight into a private delivery room, and was generally well cared for from that point onwards. There is no reason for you to go through what you went through.

To reassure you, my second labour started at about 5pm, and DD was in my arms by 10.15pm, it was as if my body knew what it was doing second time around. But I also knew more of what to expect, what to push for and what not to tolerate. I think you should go back to your midwife and be firm that you're not happy with her support on this, or if you don't feel comfortable with that, call up the senior midwife and have a chat with her about it.