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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

opinion on whether I should let my daughter attend birth

22 replies

pgTips04 · 07/10/2007 15:17

My daughter is 15 and I was wondering what peoples opinions would be on her attending the birth of her little brother or sister.

P.s when she is older she wants to become a midwife, thought it might possibly be good experience

thx for your opinions whatever they are

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

colditz · 07/10/2007 15:19

I would let her, at 15. If nothing else, it may forstall a teenage pregnancy! LOL

seriously though, I think at 15 she should be mature enough to cope with the majority of the goings on - will you have anyone else there with you? i ask because although she will cope herself, it wmay be too much to ask her to support you.

belgo · 07/10/2007 15:20

if she wants to , I would let her.

sweetcat · 07/10/2007 15:21

Ooh, tough one. Personally I would be reluctant because seeing a loved one in labour can be traumatic. I'd be worried about the effect that might have on her. Every labour is different, but a difficult labour could be hard for her to watch. I take it she wants to attend?

Original poster

pgTips04 · 07/10/2007 15:23

yeah babys dad will be there too x

OP posts:

Original poster

pgTips04 · 07/10/2007 15:24

shes been hinting more than anything, but I no its her normal way of approaching a subject

OP posts:

sweetcat · 07/10/2007 15:25

Well in that case maybe she could attend. It would certainly make her feel closer to the baby, and if it was too much you've still got lo's dad there with you. Go for it, and good luck!

mybabysinthegarden · 07/10/2007 15:26

When I was 17 I was going to attend the birth of my sister-- I ended up not being able to as my mum had an emergency CS and I remember being kind of relieved! Even if she wants to be a midwife I think it's quite different when it's a family member. My sil's doctor husband was reportedly fairly white and shaky when he attended the births of their dcs.

BrownSuga · 07/10/2007 15:27

it sounds ok, as long as
a) she knows she can leave if she feels a bit overwhelmed and,
b) you expect her to leave if things get a bit dicey (hoping of course everything will be fine for you)

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 07/10/2007 15:28

If she really wants to then oh yes- fabulous! What a wondeful experience! Do give her a get out clause though- see if you can arrnage a code between you maybe that means she can get out without feeling like a wimp or anything, maybe that she has forgotten her drink and needs to go to the machine- anything really, just so she has options.

MarsLady · 07/10/2007 15:34

Are you going to antenatal classes? Perhaps your DD could attend the labour/birth sessions with you.

I think that all parents should be prepared for how labour works etc, then it's not such a shock.

If you are not, do you have a mw friend or doula friend etc who could talk to her (with you) about the process? It can be quite traumatic, as has already been mentioned, for the person watching the labour.

Of course in days gone by children would have seen labour, birth etc and it would have simply been part of life.

Personally........ yes I think you should let her, but prepare her in case things do/don't go to plan.

Snaf · 07/10/2007 15:39

Yes, why not?

But agree with the others who have said that a) make sure you have others there to support you and b) make it clear to her that she can leave at any time.

It will be a great experience if she's thinking of becoming a mw - although it might change her mind, too!

pneumalifenewname · 07/10/2007 15:41

At 15 I think she you can both trust her judgement so essentially if she says she wants to be there she'll be okay and if she doesn't she doesn't and she shouldn't feel bad about that.

My two elder children aged 2 and 4 were there for my homebirth. The youngest arrived at the scene a few minutes after delivery and my eldest was there at the point of delivery. They were fine with this and enjoyed being there as far as I can tell.

Slacker · 07/10/2007 15:47

My oldest was nearly 9 when my last baby was born and he came and watched, and held the baby when she was a couple of minutes old. He'd like to be there for my next birth in Feb (he's now 13) so he can't have been too traumatised...

ScaryScienceT · 07/10/2007 15:51

If you are both happy, then why not?

I think as long as she can leave at any stage if she wants to. She would also need to be prepared for all the emotions that she will face.

Mintpurple · 07/10/2007 16:08

As a midwife,I see girls of 15 with their mums in labour occasionally, and they all seem to cope with it really well - not much support usually, and they tend to stay near the top end, but this is not always the case. Occasionally they are a great support and if they are interested, they can help to deliver their sibling - what an exciting experience for them.

So especially if she is a more mature 15yo, go for it.

Lulumama · 07/10/2007 17:16

agree with mars.. and everyone else !

you can watch birth videos on the internet and on discovery health channel.. would be a good idea for her to watch a few, to hear the noises labouring women make, and how things can go.

as long as she feels that she can leave if she wants to , or if you want her to leave, then she leaves, should be fine.

lljkk · 07/10/2007 17:19

I would encourage her to attend -- is she ever stroppy? I would imagine seeing my mother go thru labour at that age would have taught me a huge amount about gratitude right when I was at my most self-centered.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 07/10/2007 17:27

When I was 16 I was birthing partner to a friend of mine, it was the most amazing experience, I cried my little eyes out!!
BUT I didnt find it particularly scary, I would think it would be great for her to be there.

Original poster

pgTips04 · 07/10/2007 22:01

Thank you all very much for your thoughts and opinions, each and every reply has helped very much. I think we will go forward with the idea of her attending, but look into helping to prepare her more for what will happen, but also look into the get out clause if she feels it is too much in the end. Thanks again everyone x

OP posts:

ShinyHappyPurpleSeveredHeads · 07/10/2007 22:22

Seeing mention of lives births on the net, I realised that despite having given birth 3 times myself, I have never actually seen one exccept for a dodgy grainy video years ago in science which I think I blocked from my memory due to sheer horror of the concept at the time!

Just googled.. and first site I came across give 3 or 3 YouTube type films but first few are just slides.. last one is a proper video.. labelled "gentle birth".. it's amazing.. have a look

hertsnessex · 07/10/2007 22:23

agree with mars, and personally i would def let her attend.

ShinyHappyPurpleSeveredHeads · 07/10/2007 22:32

4 or 5 videos! [reminds self I can no longer touch type!)

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