Partners being present at birth due to covid restrictions

[Kateleanne90]

I’m 36 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I’m a pretty anxious person who suffers with social anxiety. I’ve been hearing/reading a lot of horror stories of poor women being in labour alone, induced alone, partners only being allowed for end of labour and then told to leave after an hour, and therefore not being allowed onto the ward.
It’s really stressing me out, as I’ve had no guidance, antenatal classes, I’ve never even held a baby! So the thought of giving birth and then being alone of the ward with my new baby, not having a clue of what I’m doing is causing me so much anxiety.
Has anyone experienced this? Did you get good support from the midwives once you were on the ward? Is there any advice you can give me? I’d appreciate anything at this stage!

Have you spoken to the midwife to ask about the current restrictions at your hospital/birthing centre?

There has been a lot on social media about #butnotmaternity and actually, a lot of it is trust specific.

My hospital have been allowing partners in from the start of induction and for a number of hours afterwards since June and it is similar for a hospital my friend is at.

I am due end of November and am really upset and stressed by this. It was the only thing I have ever been really adamant about- I.e. going to a hospital that allows partners overnight as I do not want to be alone. Really, really important to me especially after a previous loss at 23 weeks.

My hospital will allow in only from active labour - you have to go in alone and prove you are at least 4cm dilated before they will let them up and then must be gone within 4hrs and no visits. I am much more upset and stressed about this than birth. It really, really sucks.

I am due end of November and am really upset and stressed by this. It was the only thing I have ever been really adamant about- I.e. going to a hospital that allows partners overnight as I do not want to be alone. Really, really important to me especially after a previous loss at 23 weeks.

My hospital will allow in only from active labour - you have to go in alone and prove you are at least 4cm dilated before they will let them up and then must be gone within 4hrs and no visits. I am much more upset and stressed about this than birth. It really, really sucks.

I am due end of November and am really upset and stressed by this. It was the only thing I have ever been really adamant about- I.e. going to a hospital that allows partners overnight as I do not want to be alone. Really, really important to me especially after a previous loss at 23 weeks.

My hospital will allow in only from active labour - you have to go in alone and prove you are at least 4cm dilated before they will let them up and then must be gone within 4hrs and no visits. I am much more upset and stressed about this than birth. It really, really sucks.

I'm booked for a section in mid-November and my hospital, as far as I know, will have a birth partner in with me for the section (probably my Mum as DH faints at the mere mention of blood!) and then someone is allowed with me for a few hours afterwards (this will be DH) but it's pointless asking for a definitive answer at present as things are changing all the time. Really feel for you OP especially with it being your first, it should be magical but this year sadly has other ideas

I will ask my midwife when I see her. I’ve had lots of appointments cancelled, with health visitors etc, so haven’t really had any chance to speak to my midwive about anything, not to mention I’ve not seen the same midwife either. No one has spoken through a birth plan with me, bear in mind I’m 36 weeks + 3 days! But I will take your advice and ask them on my next appointment, hopefully they can give me a clear answer!

@Bumbers I feel very sorry for you, and totally understand where you are coming from. I just feel like I would have been worried and anxious anyway, for obvious reasons, but having these restrictions and the fear of being alone is just tipping me over the edge. I don’t want to have a traumatic birth, especially when I’ve gone to so much effort to make sure I don’t let my anxiety get the better of me, I’ve taken hypo-birthing courses etc. I really do hope by November this may have changed for you so you don’t have to go through that!

@dillydallydollydaydream7 thank you, yeah with it being my first it’s just too much of the unknown, and like you said, with not having any definitive answers it means you can’t really grasp to any hope things will be better by the time you go into labour!

It varies between trusts. I know of one hospital that are allowing partners in with hardly any restrictions (8am-8pm visiting hours, and allowed for the whole of induction etc). But I also know others who have to prove they are 4cm dilated. I think that's bloody awful. In that case the only way you could prove it is if you consent to an internal exam.

I can't imagine this being the case if men had to have a finger up their bum to prove anything. It's outrageous.

Oh bless you, I can't imagine how tough it is for you with it being first time.. Obviously it depends on how your birth pans out but you may not be on the ward alone for a long time, in my hospital they are very happy to discharge quickly.. With my first I was at home within 6 hours, and didn't even need to transfer to the ward but that was a fairly textbook birth. I am 34 weeks with my third and this is my hope this time too, I don't really want to be sat on the ward alone either. With my second I was on the ward and the midwives were fairly hands off but maybe as I wasn't a FTM and had my partner there this was different to current situation.

Hi op I suffer with severe anxiety and autism. I was induced and in labour alone for 14 hours. My mum was there for the birth but my husband wasn't. This was 10 years ago so nothing to do with convid but it was just something I had to do.

It's so fucking stupid. If you're partner is contagious then technically by default so are you. So if they have you in and not your partner it's fucking bonkers.

@Kateleanne90 have you made a birth plan? I've put mine together and made an extra copy for my DH to keep for his reference. I know that things might go differently on the day but it's helped me to go through how it might be in my head so I have a picture of what it could be like. I've done some hypnobirthing classes too.

My hospital will let my DH come in when I'm in established labour and he can stay unless I'm moved to the postnatal ward if I need further care after the birth. I'm also nervous that I might have to spend time apart from him but my main focus is how to avoid this whilst in the early stages of labour. I've got a birthing ball to help and I've hired a TENS machine. At first I wasn't interested in trying the TENS out but then I reasoned if it keeps me from going into the hospital for a little longer and helps to keep my DH with me, as I should be in more established labour with the pain relief, then it's worth trying. You can hire them for about £25 for 7 weeks (in case you go overdue). It might be something you could look into?

I think it's awful that they won't let partners stay. Like pp said, if you're virus free then your partner should be too. Why this rule has not been relaxed before changes like going to the pub has been is really upsetting.

@Kateleanne90 I'm in the same position as you. This is my first baby, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and all I wanted was to not be alone during the labour and birth experience. A birth centre told me today they wouldn't be allowing my partner to stay past 8pm if I give birth there. This has sent my anxiety through the roof. I want a home birth now but I don't even know if I can have one. I know I'm low risk, but is it too late to plan a home birth? Does anyone know?
I'll be going to the hospital otherwise, I'd rather be in a hospital environment than this birth centre which seems to let more people in than hospitals (it's also a GP surgery) but doesn't allow them to stay.
I wish things were different for us.

Generally they are not allowing partners in until in active labour (exact stage varies by trust) and partners have to leave when you are taken to the ward. If you have support at home (eg a parent who can help) some will allow you to go home at that stage rather than going to the ward and the community midwife comes to your home

OP, I think every hospital it different. I was induced (June 13) at 5pm and had baby June 14th at 3pm and my partner was with me until 6pm that day, so stayed with me the entire time. He was only not allowed to be with me when they moved me to the ward with baby, I stayed for one night and was discharged the following day at lunch time so really wasn't too bad. I had an emergency c-section too so was kept in a bit longer than had I had baby naturally!

Best of luck, in my opinion the midwifes are all very caring and understanding

@liquoricecravings yeah I’ve made a birth plan but absolutely no one has read it, or discussed it with me. I haven’t even had a health visitor come around my house yet. Just getting zero support!
I’m hoping I can do the same, stay at home for as long as I whilst in labour. Just dreading if I’m overdue and have to be brought in to be induced because that is the last thing I want!
I might give the tens machine ago! Thank you for your advice!

@SpotlessMind88 I feel the exact same way as you. I went for a tour of my local birth centre and also thought about giving birth at home, but I’m between a rock and hard place. On one hand, I really want my partner there the whole time but on the other hand I feel like the hospital is the best place for me just in case something goes wrong. As a first time mum you just don’t know what to expect/ what problems will arise so you want to be the best place possible. It’s just so crap that because of COVID even the hospital is giving me anxiety due to the new restrictions!

@movingonup20 oh god, I hope and pray I could wangle it that I could go home instead of staying on the ward for hours. I have a lot of people at home who could give me the support.

@impatient2bmummy thank you! I’m glad you didn’t have a terrible experience and they got you out sharpish. I’m really hoping and praying because of the virus they will want us in and out as soon as poss!

@Kateleanne90 ok so I had a baby at the height of lockdown. I am a suuuper anxious person generally and even more so pregnant following previous losses.

I was admitted the night before I gave birth as I was struggling at home due to pain (back labour and baby was sunny side up) and hubby couldn't stay. The midwives were so so sweet and kind and supportive. One ran me a bath and I had a loooong bath and listened to music. I was basically either in pain or asleep the whole night - wouldn't have noticed if DH was there or not as I was so well looked after. In the early hours Emmy waters went with merconium in them which meant I had to be monitored on the delivery suit so DH could come the. (I was 1cm when he arrived). 3 hours later I was fully dilated and ended up in theatre with forceps which he was present for. Sadly he was only able to stay 2 hours before I was admitted to the ward and he had to leave.

We face timed a lot and I had amazing support from the midwives. The team were incredible. It was my first baby so knew no different. It wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be as you're so overwhelmed with love and tiredness a whole circus could have been in our room and I wouldn't have paid them the slightest bit of notice. I was in for a few days and bonded so well with the baby. Buzzed for the midwives a million times with every new noise the baby made to ask what it meant. Honestly my anxiety was eased so much by being in hospital for a few days and getting g support of experts. I'd have been a wreck home alone after only a few hours.

I'd say be hopeful things may change but accept they may not. It really honestly wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And I was ready to push for a 4 hour discharge before I gave birth. So glad I stayed a few days! I was in a private room so that helped I suppose.

Good luck x

Everyone should sign this
chng.it/TMp48HcpPv

@peachypetals thank you for sharing this. I've just signed it

I’m surprised it doesn’t have more traction on here!

I’m 37 weeks with my 2nd baby.
With my first I arrived at hospital and was only 2cm so was sent home as they don’t want you there until your in active labour, I managed to go home for 5 hours and even have a little sleep. When I went back at 11am I was 5cm so I was admitted. I don’t see much difference from then to now as I wouldn’t have been alone before being in active labour as I was home anyway.
I then had a long back to back labour overnight. Baby was born at 2.19am the next day. I was in the delivery room for about 4 hours after birth (stitches, first feeds, toast and a shower) then I was taken to the ward.
I sent my husband home at this point as he had been with me all night with no food or sleep himself and I wanted one of us to be rested!
He came back for visiting hours later that day but didn’t stay over as we only had a wooden chair next to the bed for him. He came and picked us up in the morning.

The only difference this time would be the visit wouldn’t be allowed.

I actually hated all the partners being on the ward over night, some of them were rude and obnoxious. Some of the dads were demanding of the midwives and all the ward beds had curtains closed and I didn’t speak to another mum while I was in.
The hospital I’ve chosen this time don’t allow partners overnight anyway and friends had a far better experience as the staff can’t just ignore you and let your partners care for you. The mums also chatted much more and have kept in touch.

I’m not worried about the restrictions as I know my husband will be with me for the important bit.

I will also have to stay 24hrs after this time and I’m glad my husband will be home with our DS as it’s the first time I will be away from him.