Is it PND?

[Kaceywd]

Hello,

I had my ds two weeks ago during covid measures in the hospital. I had a c section, dh was allowed for the operation and recovery but had to leave after.
It was pretty traumatic, to start I didn't get a suppository because the scale wasn't working and they didn't know my weight. Then at recovery I asked for help to latch but nobody came, and when they wheeled me to the ward I asked if they can help me sit up and bit to breastfeed since I have big breasts and they brought a bed ladder (a rope ladder attached to the end of the bed to pull myself up). I had to use it 3 times to get to the incline I needed, and messed with some stitches in the process. Ds wouldn't latch correctly, and the "lactation consultant" that came after 6 hours told me to just give formula cause ds is starving (she didn't even try to help me or watch me latch). Nurses would come and go to check my BP but never helped with the baby so I had to stretch in and out of the cot. After 8 hours they came and asked me to get up and sit on a chair and put my underwear on (no help again). In the process the nurse took the cannula of my hand off by mistake and all she said is "just put pressure on it" (didn't try to put it back in). The night was awful and I spent it awake crying and asking to go home. Next morning they made me shower but I had compression socks on that I had to take off and wear again on my own resulting to some more stitches being pulled. Took forever to discharge me and by the time I came home all I could do is cry.
Ds is a difficult baby and I'm exhausted, I have no appetite and now I have no milk as well (and I tried so so hard to breastfeed). I feel like Im getting depressed and I worry cause its just me and dh and he works 12h night shifts and sleeps during the day.

Is it normal to feel this way? Is it just baby blues or pnd? :(

You sound like you’ve been through the mill. I had a hell of time, but not as bad as you had it in hospital. It will feel hell for the first 6 weeks, I think that’s fairly normal til they lose their day night confusion etc. Can you talk a little more about what you mean about him being a difficult baby? This is probably key to knowing the severity of how you feel and your world view. Also (ignoring Covid) do you have a wider support structure? Re the breastfeeding. Have you considered pumping instead? Have you tried nipple shields? Of course you don’t need to, it’s just that it’s still early days and it’s possible to relactate and that your milk isn’t properly in ir it’s all still colostrum and hard to extract.

@LouiseTrees

Thank you for replying! He's my world and I love him more than anything but he's crying a lot and doesn't sleep and we can't put him down at all (tried cot crib baby Nest moses basked swaddling everything). It's so tiring holding him all the time.

Neither dh or I have anyone (we're both foreign, I have no family in England and he has in London but obviously they have their own lives and jobs kids etc)

I was using nipple shields, and pumped (only 1 or 2 oz per session though). Ds wasn't gaining weight so we had to use more formula and since 3 days ago there is no milk, tried to put him to feed but couldn't get anything and was inconsolable and stressed for about 30 minutes after)
I've tried lactation cookies, porridge, vitamins, but there's no milk now.

To add, my scar also isn't healing properly but all the midwife says is to air it. I don't care about it looking wonky I'm just worried it's bleeding and looks the same since the operation

Well inbox me if you need an ear. I have to drop off for tonight.

Hi op, sending lots of love and congratulations ❤️

At the point in time it could be your hormones and horrid experience but 5£3 fact you've already reached out is really good.

I had a quite a traumatic birth which resulted in my not breast feeding and I'd put a lot of pressure on myself and in the end it did result in PND however it took me a long time to talk to anyone but after 6/8 weeks of crying unexplainably everyday I reached out.

There is a charity called PANDAS who are fantastic they are on Fb/insta or you can call/email anonymously, I'd recommend reaching out to them as they may be able to support in other ways aswell

@mrsCl19 thank you ❤️

I'm glad you seeked help and I hope you are doing well now!

My mum had PND after having me (awful birth, botched episiotomy, many stitches, prolapse, pain) and unfortunately it resulted to depression until now, medication and all that, so I'm really scared it will happen to me as well.

I will contact pandas thank you for letting me know :)

@Kaceywd when I went to the drs all the wanted to do was put my on tablets and told me to self refer for counselling but told me the waiting list was 6 months.

I told myself I'd get through it and I did this was 2 years ago now and I'm pregnant with #2 and not going to lie the anxiety has kicked in.

I will say when your running low on sleep and hormones are high it is horrendous but us mums are super woman and we can do it! ❤️ stay strong and always ask for help, never suffer,

Oh bless you. Wish I could give you a hug. I also experienced similar with breastfeeding. My baby was born a month before lockdown but spent his first week in hospital. I was lucky because my husband could come and go. I struggled from the start with breastfeeding. ,pat of the midwives were lovely. One midwife sag with me for hours whilst I hand expressed colostrum in to a syringe. One evening he was starving and hadn't had a wet nappy for 48 hours so I asked the midwife on duty for some formula and she refused. I phoned my husband in tears and he came up to the hospital at 2am and went absolutely ballistic. We paid private for my son to have his tongue tie cut at 9 days old and the day after I have up. I still feel guilty 6 months on but knew it was the best decision for my own mental health. Regarding you feeling low I would say it's absolutely normal. I cried on the phone to , y mum every day when his paternity was over. My boy slept awful, I was knackered all the time. It's such a massive change in your life. A few week ago you could sleep when you wanted etc and now you have this little baby to look after. Your tired, feel let down by the hospital and your husband is at work. You are bound to feel how you do. P,ease feel free to message me privately if you want to talk more. My mum always says a problem shared is a problem halved. I hope I've helped you a little bit xx

@mrscl19 6 months waiting list that's crazy :( I'm glad you overcame this even if the system failed you 💔

I was anxious all through pregnancy I can't imagine how I will feel when we decide for a second baby!

Thank you so much!

Sorry to hear about the experience you had in hospital OP

Just wanted to say though, I don't think you have a difficult baby necessarily, at 2 weeks in most babies are pretty tough going. But if you feel your mental state isn't improving, it's absolutely fine to ask for help from your GP or HV.

In my experience, it's all pretty overwhelming in the beginning and does get better (I had a c section too so appreciate the difficulties).

@couldntthinkofausername24 some people just shouldn't be in the health sector (the midwife that refused formula)
My husband was ready to storm in as well many times. Poor soul waited for four hours outside the hospital for us while the midwife forgot to discharge us, couldn't come home fast enough.

The first night he went back to work I spent it videocalling my mum crying as well I was so scared being alone with the baby.

Was your dc diagnosed with tongue tie? We think ours might have it but the midwife that checked him last time (just looked at him tbh) said he doesn't. How did you go private for that?

I spent the night expressing and all I got is 2oz which is nothing for this greedy little monkey. If it doesn't get better I don't see the point trying either, it'll be better to sleep and feel more human and just ff.

Thank you and @louisetrees for being open to private messages, you're so kind! mn is so so helpful

@rottiemum88 thank you ❤️

I would ask the midwife but I'm worried I will be put on some social services list or they will think I'm a danger to baby so I'm scared to do so.

He's the sweetest cutest baby boy and when he sleeps in my arms I forget everything, I just wish he was more easy to put down and didn't cry as much since it stresses me more than it should.

The midwife mentioned it so i got a doctor to come take a lot and he confirmed it. He said he didn't think it would affect his feeding but could affect speech in the future. I got referred there and then but refferal could take up to 14 days and the waiting list on the NHS was 6-8 weeks. I imagine it would be longer now with covid. Anyway i thought there is no chance I'm waiting that long so we went private. Depending where you live we went to the spire hospital in Manchester. Lovely lovely people and the guy who did it was lovely. It literally took 5 mins. I was encouraged to leave baby with hubby and for me to go and wait in the breastfeeding room as they like to see you feed before they leave. By the time I got in to the room and got my book ready baby was back within about 3 minutes it was that fast. Cost 250. Xx

and also baby dosent care where milk comes from as long as being fed. It sounds to me that your doing an absolutely fantastic job. Dont feel bad for giving up breastfeeding. I'm sure your baby would rather have you happy xx

It sounds like you are having a normal reaction to a very difficult situation and are rightfully still trying to come to terms with a traumatic situation. It’s takes 6 weeks to come to terms with a traumatic events in normal circumstances but you are understandably sleep deprived so it will take longer. Later, when you are ready for it you can ask for a birth reflections meeting where you discuss your experience with a senior midwife and/or consultant. I found mine helpful and they asked to use my notes I had written in their internal training sessions and they made changes to their procedures. Alternatively you can complain through PALS. But birth reflections and PALS is for when you are ready. I wasn’t ready for birth reflections until I had sessions with the maternal mental health service - have you been referred to them? Your local area will have one but a referral may take a few weeks so get referred now and you can always cancel if you don’t need it later.

Where are you up to with feeding now? What do you want? If you want to keep trying breast feeding then see a private lactation consultant. Formula is fine if you want to go down that route. I ended up ff FD1 after I was very ill after c section and I struggled mentally with a decision until I had DD2 and then I realised just how well I had done under the circumstances. DD2 was ebf (not my first choice, I wanted combi) and I can’t express any milk and she is a chunky 1 year old. Expressing milk does not tell you how much you have. Breast feeding is an emotional as well as physical response. I can offer you more advice of bf or ff if you need it. Btw my ff was healthier than by bf baby.

Be kind to yourself. Xx

Also google fourth trimester. A baby only wanting to held to sleep is normal. Is your partner around? Can they take a 2 weeks holiday or leave (every parent has the right to apply for unpaid parental leave) until you are more mobile. When you feel more mobile look into safe cosleeping.

@couldntthinkofausername24 on Monday we will see another midwife I will ask her to check as well!

Thank you so much xx

@lockdownseperation I hope it gets better then 🙌

I wanted to complain but as you said I don't have the energy for it yet. I feel like I have to though, I can't think of other mums going through the same thing!

Before I had ds I wanted to ebf. Now I'm still trying, either expressing or trying to bf (I also have flat nipples and need shields that ds keeps taking off so not easy)
The midwife gave me the number of a lactation consultant, I think I will call on Monday.

I've been reading on fourth trimester :) dh took his two weeks and he's back to work now (we had bubba on the 19th, dh's leave started on the 15th our due date).

I will try to cosleep tonight, managed to take a nap earlier so I will be a bit more aware of ds when we sleep. Hope it helps us rest a bit!

It does get better. I promise. Take a photo of your first post and then put a reminder in your phone to deal with it 6 months from now. You a are right to complain when it’s the right time for you.

Definitely ring the lactation consultant now. Your job for the next few months is to brush your teeth twice a day, shower once a day and feed your baby. If you can get our for a walk that’s brilliant but it’s not too important. Get your DH to make you up water bottles, lunch and snacks before he goes to work. Get yourself comfy where ever is best for you to feed, tv remotes and phone near by and cuddle and feed your baby. Contigo mugs are fantastic. Look up flipple technique videos on YouTube. Breast feeding is something you have to watch and try. Have you tried feeding in the rugby hold? I found a regular pillow better than a feeding cushion. Get your baby in place and then pull the pillow underneath your baby.

That should say weeks not months! There is a reason that many cultures mum only has to look after baby and does nothing else.

Oh it sounds like you've had such a tough time, I'm not surprised at all that you're struggling, especially without much support! Those first few weeks are so difficult. My DS only slept on either me or my husband when he was a newborn and I remember how draining that was. Your little one is still brand new so it could just be everyone getting used to this new (hard!) way of life; however, if you've got any worries about your mental health, please reach out to your GP sooner rather than later. I suspected I had PND when my DS was tiny but I told myself I could deal with it by myself - I couldn't, and ended up getting a very late diagnosis when he was 15 months when I finally stopped kidding myself. It's much better to get it sorted earlier than leaving it like I did and struggling for ages.

@lockdownseperation such great advice thank you! Spent the rest of the day yesterday crying and I feel a bit better today. I will check everything you mentioned :)

@candycats aw bless you I hope you're doing well now and thank you I will talk to the midwife on Monday :)

Hi all,

To update since you've all been lovely and I'm really grateful for this thread

We had to give up on breastfeeding as even by trying everything my milk just dried up. I'm sad about it and I don't know if I did something wrong but ds is gaining weight so I don't feel too awful.

Mentally I'm better, we had a long discussion with dh and managed to get to the root of my sadness and fears and he has been absolutely great with helping and caring for me and ds.

I feel a bit better, sometimes I still cry a bit at night when I can't calm ds down or he won't sleep at all but after that I feel better again.

Thank you all for your kind words and reassurance you really helped me x ❤️

Hi mummas,

Unfortunately it has gotten way worse and I'm sure it's pnd. For those of you who have taken antidepressants, which ones don't make you sleepy? I'm taking care of ds completely on my own and I'm afraid he will need me and I'll be fast asleep. Tia x