First birth wasn't much fun...any advice for second?

[Blue2309]

Dh and I are planning on trying for a second baby soon and I'll be honest I'm terrified of giving birth again. Really would love to have a second child, but would quite like to just be given a general anaesthetic and wake up with a nice newborn. (Ok I'm slightly exaggerating but you get my gist...)
First birth was fifteen days late...the classic induction story of pessary, drip, epidural (that didn't even work properly), failed ventouse and then the inevitable forceps. 36 hours in total. I get upset whenever I think about it. I have so many fears of second time around...that I'll need to be induced again (last baby was 9lb, I'm in late 30s)...that I'll panic on the drip with the pain...that I'll develop PND and PTSD again (have been on ADs and therapy etc).

Please don't tell me to try hypnobirthing either. I did all that last time (Positive Birth Company) and it made absolutely no difference except it gave me totally unrealistic expectations which contributed (I believe) to my PND and utter sense of failure.

Any words of advice? I cry whenever I think of giving birth again and feel as though I'm back in the room with all these people in there, and me just lying there.

I was similar with the induction etc, except ended up with emergency section due to failure to progress, then back into theatre for blood loss later on as it had all gone on for so long that my uterus got too tired and didn't contract down properly.

I thought for a long time about going through it all a second time, but am now in my third trimester... One thing that I'm very clear on is that I won't consent to another induction (and you really do have the choice!) I am going to meet with the consultant in a few weeks to discuss vbac Vs elective. They've said I can do either, but the mental health side of things is currently pushing me towards the section.

Perhaps check your local hospital's policy on maternal choice sections if you think that might be a better route for you? Were you offered a birth debrief? I had one with a consultant a few weeks after, but in hindsight it was too close to it to get proper perspective. I've had a midwife go through my previous birth notes with me during this pregnancy, which was much more helpful in understanding what happened the first time round.

My first birth took forever, was being prepared for c section, asked for final check and failed ventous and then forceps. Lots (and lots) of stitches. Second birth, waters went in bath at 8.30am DD born by 11.30am. All births are very different, and second ones generally (although can’t be guaranteed) easier. Still hurt second time, but nowhere near the nightmare of first. Good luck op

I had my 3 DC from 35-39. The second birth and third birth were much easier than the first. Shorter, less painful, I coped better and didn't panic at all. I hope it's the same for you OP.

I could written what you have written almost word for word about my first delivery. I absolutely couldn't go through that again. I had an ecs 5 weeks ago and it was the best choice for me. It has been a hugely healing experience for me and I'm having all those happy feelings you're meant to have when you have a newborn. Ecs was bloody hard but not terrifying or unmanageable pain (ie didn't feel like I was going to die). That was my experience anyways.

I could also have written your post. Also had a long induction, also failed ventouse and then forceps in theatre. It was exhausting and affected my bonding with my baby.

I am now 36 weeks pregnant and have been told I can have an elective csection at 39 weeks. Everybody has been supportive. If baby comes before then I will have to decide what to do, but I am happy to have the reassurance of a c section as the main plan.

ELCS. Chill, easy, scheduled, in and out in 45 minutes. Loved mine. Recovery was a bit achey, but I was happily up and walking within 24 hours, no issues with breastfeeding, had skin to skin etc. it was lovely. Very relaxed and no stress.