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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

12 month immunisation

24 replies

shazzz1xx · 13/08/2020 22:10

don’t know what to do.. I’m a FTM and im having panic attacks about the injections next thursday:( I hate seeing my baby scream, scream so bad it’s silent and I know what’s coming but this time she is more there as she’s nearly 13 month old and it’s going to kill her and kill me even more.. and due to covid I will have to take her on my own as no-one else will be allowed also ive read where it’s 4 needles unlike 2 last time... I’m such a mess I cannot sleep eat or even think

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shazzz1xx · 13/08/2020 22:32

Oh god I think this is in the wrong section x

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countbackfromten · 13/08/2020 23:24

Just think @shazzz1xx of what an amazing thing you are doing as her mum, protecting her against some horrible diseases. She may cry and it is hard but the fact you can protect her like that by taking her there is incredible!!

jomaIone · 13/08/2020 23:29

It's absolutely not going to kill her or you. You need to get real, it's a necessary thing and the crying lasts seconds in the grand scheme of things. The 8 week ones were worse I think.

5lilducks · 13/08/2020 23:37

Been there OP, and it feels awful but sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind. A few jabs are nothing compared to the illnesses she could get if she doesn't get vaccinated. She will forget about it eventually.

shazzz1xx · 14/08/2020 09:33

Thankyou for your reply all of you.. made me feel abit better it’s just so awful.. she’s had all her others I would never not let her have them it’s just so upsetting, she will think im letting someone hurt her as she doesn’t know what we’re are doing she just knows she’s somewhere strange and that she’s in pain :(

Thanks again all

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India999 · 14/08/2020 21:35

Better they have four injections than the medical care they would need if they weren't immunised and got a disease. It'll be fine.

nicknamehelp · 14/08/2020 21:38

It will be over in minutes and she wont remember it. If she was to get one of these illnesses the pain could last a life time. Please be brave for her sake and get her immunized

QforCucumber · 14/08/2020 21:46

Theyre wasily distracted with chocolate buttons immediately after I found with mine. The preschool ones ds told everyone afterwards that the lady tried to chip his arm off - ever so slight over exaggeration

SRK16 · 14/08/2020 21:47

You need to put a brave face on for her, or it’ll be more distressing for her. It’ll be over in minutes and yes she will probably cry but they get over it almost immediately. Take her favourite snack and she can have it as a distraction once it’s over. Good advice from PP’s above.

QforCucumber · 14/08/2020 21:47

easily
Chop

mynameiscalypso · 14/08/2020 21:52

Thank you for the chocolate buttons tip @QforCucumber - DS has his jabs on Tuesday and I hadn't even thought about bribery!

BertieBotts · 14/08/2020 21:58

Do you have a needle phobia? I do and I tend to feel like this before DC vaccinations, I generally get DH to go if I can, but I have taken them myself when he really couldn't.

I think the point that it would be much more needles and distressing procedures if they were actually ill is really good. A lumbar puncture for example is really nasty especially for a young child. I would much rather that my child have one injection on my lap on a day when he is feeling perfectly fine otherwise than having to have several needles over the course of a week or two in hospital being held by strange doctors/nurses and feeling rotten to boot. That would be much worse (not to mention the long term effects of some of those illnesses).

I have also found that some reframing about my child being upset is helpful. They will be upset yes. It is painful for them and that's not nice, but it is OK that they are upset sometimes, the goal of us as a parent is not to protect them from ever being upset but to help them work through these experiences that they have, which helps them in the future as it is a useful skill to be able to process feeling upset or hurt or frightened. So your job is to comfort her and empathise with her but it is not a failure or a betrayal that you have allowed her to be hurt.

BertieBotts · 14/08/2020 22:04

Here's a post from a parent who really struggled with her children's injections and how she managed the 1 year ones.

peacefulparentsconfidentkids.com/2013/04/needles-dont-have-to-be-traumatic-for-babies/

shazzz1xx · 14/08/2020 22:59

Thankyou all for your kind words.. I will be certainly taking her for them and that story is amazing.. also Thankyou for the chocolate tip will be taking chocolate and watsits x

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shazzz1xx · 14/08/2020 23:01

no I don’t have a needle phobia.. she took 2 round of IVF so I injected myself 3 times a day for months. I just hate seeing he in pain, upset, cry and most of all I feel she will think I’m letting someone hurt her as she does not know it’s for her own good
It’s heartbreaking x

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Princesspickle777 · 14/08/2020 23:02

It’s really not as bad as you think and will all be over in seconds. My eldest didn’t even cry until after we left the doctors. I gave her a bag of quavers and she sat on my knee happy as anything. It’s really nothing to worry about.

BertieBotts · 15/08/2020 07:59

Not being able to handle them being upset or crying is something it's worth working on reframing, as it can cause problems in a lot of different areas.

When they need to go through an experience which is going to be frightening or painful for them, such as an injection, they need you to be a calm, reassuring presence rather than seeing (or feeling/sensing) you being upset and worried by their own upset. They will get the sense "Something really bad must be happening - even mum is upset!" And it will exacerbate those feelings for them. Your role (ideally - I know I'm not always good at this!) is to be their rock in the storm of life. It can help to repeat a kind of mantra in your head which is something like "I know my child can handle this, I just need to be there for her while she goes through it."

When you hit toddler age and they are distraught because they want something they can't have, if you struggle with them being upset you will be tempted to give in to make them happy, especially in a situation where you think "Well... it wouldn't be that bad, and she really really wants it". This isn't very helpful because it makes it much more difficult to say no the times when you REALLY need to, which means you spend much more of your day in battles with your toddler, which is exhausting and stressful for everyone. I am not saying that you should never be flexible, but that specifically being uncomfortable with your child being upset about boundaries makes it much harder to have strong boundaries.

When they are upset because something bad happened (like they fell over, lost/broke a toy, somebody wouldn't play with them, etc) and your response is to try and fix it or distract them because you can't bear them being so sad, this does not allow them to work through and process the event. These things might seem minor to us but the act of being able to work through their sadness is an important part of learning to be OK with hard feelings. If they learn that sadness and anger should always be distracted or pushed away they are much more likely to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms as teens/adults - drink, drugs, self-harm, overeating, lashing out at others, overspending etc. How do you tend to deal with feeling upset? How were your "scary" feelings handled as a child? It can be a new process to learn to just be there for your child rather than trying to make it better immediately. Or, you may have experienced the feelings being dismissed - "Stop crying, you're not a baby."/"It's OK, you're OK, it was only a little fall." Trying to fix or make better for our own kids can be a natural response to this, but still indicates discomfort around the expression of feelings. The most helpful approach long term is to understand, validate and be there for kids without trying to fix anything. They can handle it, given space and support to do so!

If you want to learn more about this way of parenting I'd recommend the books How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen (And Listen So they will Talk), and The Whole Brain Child. Janet Lansbury also has a great blog/podcast which is free and she talks about accepting feelings a lot.

mynameiscalypso · 15/08/2020 08:06

A really excellent post from @BertieBotts and absolutely spot on - it's okay for a child to be upset/angry/scared. We don't want them to feel like that obviously and it's only natural to try and prevent it but these are totally normal (and valid!) reactions to events in life and we need to teach children that it's okay to feel these things.

Sailingblue · 15/08/2020 21:43

I think the 12m ones are the worst as they have more understanding but can’t be bribed. They are so important though and you just have to be prepared to go in, be calm and get out as quick as you can. If you get emotional, it’ll be much harder.

One of my children got one of the diseases despite being vaccinated. The dr said that without the vaccine she would have been in trouble. We had to go through health protection contact tracing, quarantine etc. Even a mild version was horrible to see. By and large our generation has not been exposed to the horrors of the diseases we vaccinate against. Put in that context, the vaccination process isn’t pleasant but it is life saving.

shazzz1xx · 16/08/2020 17:13

Thankyou everyone... I’m feeling better just cannot shake off the feeling that my baby will think im letting someone hurt her as she doesn’t know it’s to protect her.... roll on Thursday night then it’s all over and done with xx

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Dowermouse · 16/08/2020 17:19

Tell why your taking her and what it's all about. If you are calm and matter of fact she will be reassured. You got this.

shazzz1xx · 20/08/2020 11:48

Thanks @Dowermouse
Just to update we did it.... yay this morning. Was awful but all done now 🥵🥰

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Dowermouse · 27/08/2020 19:36

Glad it's over and done with Shazzz, and any temperate and what not post jabs are all over and done with BrewCake

Littlemissdaredevil · 02/09/2020 21:30

When DD had her 12 month jabs I made sure that her arms and legs were easily assessable. I told the nurse to go as quickly as she could as I would rather have them all within 1 minute and the comfort her rather than jab, comfort, jab, comfort, jab, comfort, jab comfort. I had chocolate buttons just in case.

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