Panicking - advice/reassurance please! Childcare for having second baby

[Alittleshortforaspacepooper]

Hi parents and soon to be parents, I'm panicking here and need some advice.

I recently was surprised to find out I'm pregnant with baby number 2. We're very happy but as this wasn't planned we are trying to figure out all the logistics and now I'm really stressed out about the birth. My DS is only 8 months old so will probably be 17 months when this baby comes, and we are immigrants, so we have no family at all on this side of the world. They are all back in rural Scandinavia and we are here in Australia. Our borders are currently closed and as you will all already be aware, international travel is virtually impossible and will be for the foreseeable.

My first birth was quite traumatic. I don't want to go into too much detail because I still find it upsetting to talk about but essentially both me and my DS almost died, I ended up having to have emergency surgery whilst he was taken off to NICU and we were both in hospital for almost a week, and in those first few days we didn't know what was happening or how long it would be until we got home. emotionally and logistically it was a total nightmare. All of the problems that we had the first time are likely, but not definitely, going to happen again. It's likely I will be in hospital for a few days, as well as the bab.

On to my question... what do we do with DS when I go into labour? If the pandemic situation is better then we may pay for a relative to fly out which would be great, but I don't want to rely on that as our plan because it's all so up in the air right now. Also the relatives who would be suitable (basically the ones who aren't working so can come for an extended period of time) are all quite elderly so I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable asking them to travel internationally even if the borders have reopened, as it puts them at high risk of catching the virus and they will probably have to quarantine on both ends of the journey anyway.

We have friends here but all of them work. I don't think any of them could genuinely commit to being able to drop everything at a m moment's, day or night, and then hang around for an indefinite period of time to look after DS.

I'm just scared that it will end up with me giving birth alone so that my husband can look after our baby. Given the high risk nature of the birth, he really isn't comfortable with that. Equally we probably can't take Dad along with us as we will likely be there for such a long time, and as he will still be so little I'm not even sure the hospital would allow it.

I can't birth at home because I would probably die.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone been in this situation before? Any advice or even someone telling me that I'm being hor mkonal and overdramatic would be much appreciated. Thank You!

Sorry for all the typos... i am clearly quite flustered

I'd say dad stays with DS, and you use your time before the birth to try and find a doula or other support person (maybe an independent midwife) to get to know you, put your mind at ease, and be able to support you at your birth. You might find their presence more reassuring in the end because they are very very experienced and would maybe even be able to pick up on things that your partner couldn't. I know it's not the same as having your husband but I think that in your position, I'd feel like I'd want my DS to be taken care of by his dad.

Thanks for the reply! Yes, I think at this point I am more concerned about DS being well looked after than I am about me having my DH there in labour... if DS was even just a little bit older I wouldn't be as worried but he will essentially still be a baby so may find it very distressing to be left with someone other than his Dad...

My DH doesn't like the idea though. He said he'd be absolutely gutted to miss the birth, and also he is a OBGYN at the hospital where I will be having the baby so I do feel that he is a brilliant advocate for me during labour, especially given everything that could go wrong. He was amazing last time, I don't know what I would have done without him.

I have 7 months to figure it all out, but it does look like me birthing without DH might be the only feasible option...

7 months is a long time away still! Your DS at 17 months will be very different to your DS now. Maybe a nanny, friend, child minder is something to work on to build up a relationship with your DS where they are used to being with that person.

I'm in a similar situation to you in that we don't have relatives nearby (some friends though) and although my DS was older, my plan was to maybe have a few practice runs so DS gets used to the idea of occasionally having someone else there to put him to bed or being there when he wakes up. So that when we have to go to the hospital it won't be this terribly unfamiliar situation.