Stuggling somewhat with induction tomorrow. Very long and self obsessed so feel free to ignore!

[FlossALump]

Basically can't stop crying. Was up till 2.30 this morning and am up again now. Last week i was just feeling so relieved that it was all nearly over, but now the reality of plans going up shit creek is setting in.

I had DS at 37+6 and was very lucky with an easy labour, really. I'm now 40+11 and was planning a home birth. I'd like to say I was realistic about HB and always felt that I would make my decision on whether to stay home or go in to hospital when the time came and I was actually in labour.

however, I have been feeling quite reticent about my decision to have the baby at home, and have been unable to shake an unnerving feeling that I will never have baby home alive. Whenever I mention this to the people closest to me about my uncertainties over home birth I've found they quickly get brushed off, with DP especially, who was anti home birth to begin with became very pro the idea.

The other thing in my mind is whether feeling worried about the birth has actually stopped me going into labour. I'm worried too that the fact the baby hasn't arrived yet means there is a problem with the baby - a friend who recently gave birth late has a baby with brain damage which is obviously playing on my mind.

My other big worry is coping with what threatens to become a very different second birth. Everyone tells you how second births are easier, and yet from the literature I've been given it doesn't sound like it is going to be the case! I gave birth to DS with G & A on all fours in a midwife led unit. Now I'm told I'm likely to need an epidural, which I have to admit to having been snobby about before. I see them being used at work, (in a different field) - I know they work fabulously, they are brilliant things. And yet having seen dozens being put in, they make my skin crawl still.

I'm also worried about DS, SIL has been fab and has said she will have DS for us, but she is not keen to have him overnight as the two boys play up together. His parents are away and anyway DP not keen for them to have DS. My mum lives 90 mins away and is working so unable to help. So the fact that I feel we are causing a problem if I have a long labour is playing on my mind. Then there is the whole thing about the possibility of it being cancelled for Monday!

Lastly I feel like my body has let everybody down, really. Mu mum who would have loved to be there won't be able to come up for a week which is upsetting her, DP's just changed jobs and found it hard to really get started there because I've been due a baby. I felt by having a HB the disruption to my 2yr old would be minimised and that having this new sibling (probably) thrust upon him would be easier. In both DP and my mind the ideal scenario would be he woke up in his own bed to come down to find new baby.

On the other hand I could postpone induction if I wanted, and yet my anxiety over whether baby is well or not means I am also desperate to give birth. My local hospital recommends induction between 10-14 days - so Monday will be exactly half way and I feel I have given natural birth a more than fair chance.

Was kind of hoping that having written all these thoughts down I would begin to feel better. Not happening so far!

Oh, aren't those middle of the night hamster wheel thoughts grim. I hope you've gone back to sleep now but in case you haven't, here's a thought or two. Babies very rarely do what you want them to do - you're not letting anyone down! Anybody who made plans based on you having the beby at 10.30 in the morning of your due date was being a tad over optimistic! And I have to say that you SIL probably need to get over not wanting you ds overnight - it's only one night and it won't hurt them if they watch dvds til midnight one day in their lives!

What happens on Monday? Will they scan and monitor you to make sure the baby's OK then send you home? Or have they said they want to induce you them? What about a membrane sweep? That often gets them going!
I won't go on. But remember you're not letting anybody down by not delivering your baby to their schedule - if the baby's not ready to be born she's not ready - you can't do anything about that!

Meant to say, why not take a cup of tea back to bed, or have a bath or something nice like that. Or find something on Sky to watch (preferably not that channel that's all birth stories!)

oh floss

well, firstly, induction doesn't neccesarily mean an epidural - I had my first baby after induction (it took 2 pessaries) and then only had gas and air. 2nd time round, I did end up with an epidural after being stuck at 6 cm for 4 hours - I never wanted one (and actually it didn't work anyway, ended up with a spinal) but I don't feel like a failure for having one - which is what I though I'd feel like. Are they going to do that Bishops score thingy first to see how favourable you are for induction? - if you're v.ready, could be very quick.

I do think that with my 2nd baby, it took me so long to go into labour (had him at +13, was in labour when I turned up for indcution appointment) because I was worried about my parents looking after DD for the day and what would happen if it all kicked off overnight or took ages etc. (they are quite old and doddery and my mother had just had her hip replaced, and we had noone else to help) - in the end I went so overdue that my sister had turned up from the UK and so she looked after DD. So I do think it's possible that your ambivalence re the home birth, and worry over other things, has somehow stopped you going into labour.

and now look - your body has NOT let everyone down. It's provided such a nice home for you baby that s/he doesn't want to come out! And isn't it the baby that kickstarts labour, not your body? - you can't do anything about that.

And there is still hope - I will keep my fingers crossed that maybe it'll still happen - it did for me 6 months ago when I'd totally given up hope of ever going into labour naturally, for the second time. And as I said, it kicked off the night before my induction appointment.

I'm sure someone will be along with better advice soon too. But you know, DS will be FINE and if SIL has to have him overnight, so be it, it's a one off. I think all my feelings and worries about how I'd cope with 2 children got pushed onto worrying too much about who'd look after DD and whether she'd be OK.

lastly, they examined the placenta after DS was born and it was 'immaculate'. I was obviously just designed to be pregnant for longer. 40+11 is not freakishly overdue. I was where you are 6 months ago and moaned on here extensively, it is crap and horrid but it will BE OVER SOON.

good luck!

Oh Floss - I really don't have any advice for you but I really do feel for you. (((((((hugs))))))) and I will be thinking of you

I was in a similar(ish) situation with DS2 - planned homebirth, ended up being induced. My waters broke just before my due date, but labour didn't start. By the Thursday (waters broke late Sun night), they had diagnosed Gp B strep from the swap taken on the Monday. Then it was all systems go to get me into hospital and get the baby out (I know I could have still stayed at home.... but it was a VBAC, and the baby had known kidney problems).

Anyhow, I felt terrible about having to go into hospital (although I'd had similar doubts about the safety of the homebirth - esp since it was a VBAC). I had always said there would be no augmentation of the labour if the homebirth stalled, it would be straight to c/s, and here I was going for a full on induction. With DS1 they had augmented the labour, and virtually insisted on an epidural as 'I wouldn't be able to stand the pain otherwise'. DS1 reacted badly to the epidural, got distressed and we ended up with an ec/s. With DS2 I said no to an epidural, and got on with the induction. It went on for hours - sorry to say that - but it was effectively a first birth for me. However, I didn't have an epidural until almost 36 hours later (which didn't work! ) when they were preparing for a c/s. Luckily, DS2 decided to properly come down at that point, and he was born naturally.

So to sum it up, don't think you have to have an epidural if you don't want one. Try it, and see how it goes. You might go very quickly, with just a pessary or something.

Also, DS1 was passed from pillar to post during the labour process - my little sister one night, my mum another night (both at our home), and my friend down the road for the night DS2 was born. I ended up in hospital for a further two nights, but he was at home with his dad and nanna for these nights, so no problems. He coped fantastically well. Not even any tears when he left the hospital after visiting us. Really don't worry about him - kids have amazing coping capacities. DS1 has loved DS2 from the first sight (didn't show him DS2 until we got home with him as he was in SCBU). There has hardly been any problems with him, even though I only stopped bfing DS1 18 weeks before DS2 was born.

((((hugs))))) I'm sure it will all go well for you. Best wishes.

Message withdrawn

Hi Floss, with ds (number 2 of 2) I had all of these bad nights. Was planning a home birth (lived quite rurally at the time with an 18 month old) and the consultant told me that I was putting my baby's life at risk by having a home birth when overdue by anytime at all. My sensible midwife told me that we would take it one day at a time and if we got to due plus 11 or something like that, we would maybe reconsider but there was no need to panic or feel that a home birth would be harder when overdue.

At due plus 10 they told me to come in the following day for induction, not a sign of natural labour starting. Then that night, BINGO!!! Labour started at 3am, midwife called at 6, baby born in water at home at 8.45, the simple best experience of my life.

So, don't despair (can you believe I just had to grab this laptop back off my dh to complete this), there is still time. BTW, when ds cam out, still vernixy, midwife said they had my timings all wrong more than likely and he was cooked to perfection.

Floss you've obviously got yourself worked up into a state about this. I know how you feel - when you've set your heart on a particular style of birth and then the rug gets pulled from under you. Similar thing happened to me, having had DC1 in a midwife led unit on gas and air, I had complications with DC2 and ended up in a huge impersonal hospital. Try to hang on to the fact that the outcome - a gorgeous baby- will be the same. Thats the most important thing. Also, an induction doesn't necessarily mean an epidural - no one can force you to have one, it's your choice. My view is the same as yours - I know some people swear by them and that they can make labour the nearest thing to pain free, but I felt very strongly that I didn't want a totally medicalised birth and I held out against one - even though in the big hospital it almost seemed to be the assumption that because it was on offer, I'd take it. This is YOUR body, YOUR birth, YOUR baby! Good luck

I was all set up for a lovely birth centre and water birth and it didn't go that way. I felt the fear you are describing which I think stems from a loss of control. That said, although I ended up with a very different experience to the one I planned, I learnt a lot about letting go and trusting that things will be ok (and they were).

I hope things work out for you but if you can go with the flow and accept that your plans may change, it may be a little easier to bear. The ideal scenario you describe of ds coming in to see the baby sounds lovely, but there are lots of other ways of doing it that would be fine too.

Oh wow, thank you all so much for all the lovely things you have said! Really lovely to come back down to. I've been allowed the pleasure of a second lie in in a row, something DP and I usually battle about, and I think I've managed to get a couple of hrs sleep.

Seeker, I've had two sweeps now with no other effect other than bloody show first time around.

MJC, I had the bishops thing done on Friday, think my score was 7/14. But then I've been finding it increasingly painful as baby has been 2/5ths engaged since 39 weeks, doing regular long walks so if my cervix wasn't effaced somewhat I'd be incredibly miffed! So at least it is half way favourable. I'm sorry you had a tougher time of it second time around, but you have reminded me it will all be worth it! Also interesting you feel the same about delaying labour!

Laura I guess I will have to let DP organise the care of DS. The worry is really that he isn't terribly realistic. For example yesterday when we were talking through scenarios, where he got sent home in the evening as labour not progressing, then overnight it began to progress say, and they called him back in. I asked him what he'd do with DS then and his answer was to bring him in with him!! So i said if he was going to do that I'd tell them not to ring him!!

Podmog, I hope i get similar midwifes, I'm sure walking around all day after my waters broke with DS sped up my labour beautifully.

Gingerme, my midwives said they would be happy to deliver at home up until tomorrow really. So you never know, but after spending past 5 weeks waiting (I had a small bleed at 36.4 and was told labour wasn't far away!!) I've given up hope.

Ebenezer, I was smiling to myself last night about using the tens machine and hoping that will help me for as long as I can manage, then move on to G & A - wondering whether the midwives really try to push epidurals and will be giggling about me! Paranoia? Moi?!

beansprout, I thought I had always been so flexible about what may or may not happen. But like you say, having decision made and whole loss of control induction may present. I don't know.

hello Miaou? How are things with you and your little one?

I think I am feeling brighter now, the replies on this thread have definitely helped. We are going out for a few hours to a nearby seaside to put DS on the donkies! He keeps asking to go to the beach and DP thought it would be nice to do something as a threesome for most likely the last time. Although the weather isn't fab it will probably be the last chance we get for a while! Also there is the sods law factor isn't there? Going into labour any distance away from home?!

Off to repack my bag now. Big thank you again to you all for sharing your stories.

• Glad you are feeling a little better Flossam - sometimes just talking about things can make such a difference, even if it doesn't change the end result

Ds2 is gorgeous, a lovely baby and the easiest of them all! Btw, your scenario of being in labour, then failing to progress and dh going home then all starting up again ... well that happened to me this time (though I wasn't induced). Dh had to go home to look after the other children as we only had a babysitter for the evening and not overnight. Labour started again at 3am and I ended up giving birth by myself. It wasn't too bad, I had known it was a possibility for some time, and tbh at the time once I was in labour I just got on with it and only felt sad about it later! By which time of course I had ds2 to cuddle and keep me company

Enjoy your donkey ride - now that would be a novel way to get labour started ... !

I had my daughter at 40+10 at home. No one even mentioned an induction to me so I think you have to stand by what you want and not let the paranoia of others get to you. The baby will arrive when its ready. Will probably arrive just when you thought you had no options. I do have a friend who was a 10 month baby and she is a healthy adult.

floss

you;ve had super advice here

cannot really add anything

if you get a chance, take a bath, light some candles and visualise a really positive birth, the birth you want, and talk to the baby...

your state of mind is so important... allow you rself to be sad for the birth you might not get , but allow yourself to embrace the birth you might have instead

it is normal to be a little morbid and anxious

try to allow yourself to feel these things, and then let them go

have a lovely day and i look forward to hearing some birth news soon

lulu xx

Thank you lulumama for the hug! I might try the bath thing tonight, I have lavender oil so it might help make sleep come easier tonight.

Miaou, sorry to hear your DH couldn't be there - it does become difficult with other children to arrange. I just going to try not to stress and kind of just assume that SIL will have DS Not really the right attitude I do know but its the way I can deal with it right now!

Lialasmum, I think different HA have different guidelines about induction. I've basically been told that 10-14 days is the norm where I am and HB becomes less viable after 12 days. My induction was arranged when I was 40+9 so perhaps you narrowly missed the threats!

Grumpy, thank you for your reassuring birth story.

I've had a nice day with DS and DP at the seaside in the rain! Just for a few hours, nice as not too tiring but DS still got to have some fun. Took my mind of things wonderfully! My bag is now pretty much packed and I feel ready to go. Housework is done so will have a nice house to come home to! Just hoping that all will be ok to go ahead tomorrow. Hopefully I won't be back here again at 5 am tomorrow whinging again!

bath, DIY sweep, and sex for you tonight ! you could well wake up in labour

Hi there,

reading your message sounds exactly like me! I'm now 7 days overdue and although haven't got a date for induction yet I have similar worries about

1. other people having to be on standby all the time.
2. anxieties about problems for the baby during labour
3. generally feeling like its never going to happen. Last night had a few twinges and thought thank goodness, its finally going to happen, only for nothing to progress. As a result, I've been in tears for most of the day! Tonight my parents have decided to pay an unplanned visit and stay overnight. I think they're trying to be helpful and hopeful that things will happen whilst they are here and they can leap into action. I just feel that I'm going to let them down by not going into labour whilst they're here (they live 4 hours away so not convenient for visits generally.) Not really much help other than I know exactly what you're going through.

Floss, if you get this in time - I had to be induced too, and it took 4 hours from the time the drip was put in, was totally pain-free thanks to fabulous epidural, and I didn't even need stitches.

Birth - which I had been TERRIFIED about - was a lovely calm event supported by two wonderful midwives.

Totally understand your feelings of disappointment etc as I had 'em too, but just wanted to say that inductions aren't necessarily that bad! Good luck...

I just wanted to say i was induced 16 days ago, when i was 8 overdue. I had had 3wks of 4 or 5 hours of contractions 20 mins apart but not progressing, and i was in so much pain i just wanted it over.

Once the drip was put in it was 2hours from start to finish, i managed on just gas and air. It was also my second. I was asked which position i wanted to give birth, the midwives i had couldn't have been more helpfull in doing what i wanted.

I hope it goes alright tomorrow what ever you decide to do.

Sorry should say 8 days overdue.

Thank you! Got to ring up in a minute. Nothing has happened overnight, lulumama I'm afraid I only managed the bath off your list! The whole sex thing we've kind of given up on.

Hi Flossalump, your post could have been mine about 20 months ago, I had DD1 at 37+6 no problems at all, was set up for a HB with DD2 but she refused to budge. The last week of being pregnant was the worst of my life, I had terrible sinusitis, was on antibiotics, had bad SPD and a 18 month old to look after. I was booked in for an induction on the Saturday at 40+14 and I cried every morning I woke up that I hadn't gone into labour. We had no childcare so induction meant DP would have missed the birth as he would have been looking after DD1 so I would have been birthing on my own.

In the end I was very lucky DD2 came herself on the Thursday morning at 40+12, 2 1/2 hour labour, G&A only, no stitches at all, felt great afterwards, she was 3lbs heavier than her sister who slept through the entire thing in the next room.

I so so sympathise with you, where you are right now is not a good place to be, I would hold out until 40+14 at least for your induction, you can go longer with daily monitoring I'm sure there are women on there that have done it.

If it's any consilation this time next week you will have forgotten all about it as you will ahve your new baby with you.

How are you now, Floss??

Hi Floss,

Hopefully you are sat in bed cuddling your new babe right now and all your worries are behind you!!
If not, try not to worry to much about being induced. Iwas induced with DS2 and it was a walk in the park compared to DS1,I didnt have an epidural, just g&a and I was only in labour for 6 hours start to finish. I cant give any advice on hb as all my were in hospital(my choice) but I left 6 hours after having them which felt great to get home to other children.
Im sure your SIL could manage for one night! If she has children of her own surely she will understand that you need to know that your DS is going to be looked after for however long it takes, it was one of my main concerns when I went into have DS3 as my mam was coming with me but knowing that they were "booked" in to stay with my stepdad whenever needed really took a load of my mind.
I was due to be induced with DS3 a few weeks ago and I must admit I really didnt want one, I felt that I should wait for him to arrive in his own time and fortunatly he came 2 days before I was due to go in(10 days overdue) but he was really overcooked, poor mite looked like an old man when he came out, he was really wrinkly and then had really dry skin for 2 weeks so I would of been ready for induction if he hadnt arrived when he did.
Try not to worry too much hun, you are certainly not letting anyone down and if babe needs a little kick start to meet you then go with the flow, good luck, let us know how it goes xx

I had a message from floss last night....