elective CS - anyone did this without dp/dh present?

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

I am booked for an elective CS next week. The nursery can't have DD for an extra day that day and we have no family nearby. DH is fine with waiting outside with DD. I'm thinking 40-60 minutes on my own will seem like a very long time and I would want him there. (DD is only 2.5, no way she'd be allowed in the operating theatre as well.)

is there a friend who can help you out? or can you find emergency childcare or sitter? Maybe one of the nursery nurses, who is not working that day could look after DD?

Thanks, Lulumama. There are a few nanny agencies around but it would mean a lot of hassle getting registered with them and then getting DD to know the nanny beforehand, there just isn't enough time. (I'm due in hospital over the weekend for corticosteroids and to keep an eye on glucose levels.)

Good idea about any nursery staff with time off, esp. if only for a morning. I have a few friends locally but I don't know if they work that day (and one of them is organising a wedding for the next day for her niece) and feel embarrassed that I haven't organised this better myself.

There've been some problems with previous deliveries which is why I'd like DH to be there with me.

then i think you need to get asking your friends or nursery ! no doubt things will be more straightforward with an el.c.s but still would be lovely to have your DH there. your friends would be delighted , no doubt, to be able to help you out, for the birth of your baby. i know i certainly would.

That makes sense but I need to get over the embarrassment. I think I'm also a bit disappointed DH thinks it's not a big deal, he'll just wait outside with DD (although I know he's scared too).

you might be able to get in touch with a local doula, who could be with you ( although short notice, you never know!!) so that if you cannot get any help with DD, you won't be alone at the birth. www.doula.org.uk

personally i would say thats exactly what friends are for. Dont be embarrassed to ask, sure they would be keen to help in the circ.s.

Ask your friends, they will honestly be delighted to help if they can. I would!
And it's not like you're going to pop your waters on her lounge carpet, dump your dd on her and leap into an ambulance - this is the best thing about electives!

please ask your friends! i would feel terrible if one of my friends felt as though they couldnt ask me under the same circumstances!

I think I'm scared TBH of getting anyone close involved in a family tragedy if things don't turn out OK. I'll speak to DH about it too but at the moment I feel someone more distant would be better.

Oh you really are scared aren't you! Honestly, it's not a burden 'getting caught up in a family tragedy' - it's the whole point of friendship. Cutting out your friends would be the worst way to deal with it yourself too.
And it may never happen so please, give them the chance to show you how much they care.

To answer your thread title itself - yes, I've done that. Dh came down with a terrible terrible throat infection (which did turn out to be strep) the afternoon before the cs was booked so couldn't be anywhere near the hospital let alone in theatre until he'd had long enough on antibiotics.

The main thing to say is - the nurses and surgeon were especially kind (maybe would've been anyway, don't know - anyway they were lovely) because I was on my own. So there was masses of support.

I have twins due in Feb next year and DH and I have already discussed that he wont be there if I do end up having a c/s (if they are breech etc). He is very very squeamish and did not think he could be there for birth of DS (vaginal delivery) but managed it without a second thought in the end. Anyway, am happy to go ahead without him, and have not asked anyone else if they will stand in if he is not there. I don't mind at the mo, but might feel differently at the time!

Thank you so much for all the replies. I asked at DD's nursery to ask at their other branch and they have places available and one of DD's nursery staff works there as well, so she'll know someone, even if the surroundings are new.

BoD - thanks for the support, I'd been waiting for a good result from the growth scans and today there was one, I should feel relieved rather than so emotional.

Egg - good luck in February. My DH was also squeamish about a vaginal delivery (or any birth, really) but when it came to it he didn't leave me alone.

Bink - thanks for telling me it can be done alone too, in your case it was definitely for the best. Maybe for me it all came down to DH giving up on the idea so easily (he's not been supportive at all this time round).

Forgot to say good luck next week! Glad all good news at the scan today. Looking forward to a lovely birth announcement soon .

Thank you. DH was out tonight but I got busy with DD and DS and had less time to worry about anything. All going well I hope to post good news over the next weekend.

Gosh, I'd never let my DH get out of being there. He was a bit squeemish before birth number one. And I seem to recall saying something like "I don't want to be there either. But, I don't have a choice; and neither do you."

Then it ended I was nocked out for an emergency section and he was told to leave the room so he git his way. But, I got him back because he was left holding the baby for ages until I woke up in recovery.

In answer to the OP, my dh waited outside for my elective but my sister came in with me and cut the cord. I was feeling vulnerable after horrid previous birth and we all agreed she was better protection than DH!