No sex life 6 months after childbirth

[Lucy300]

I don't know if I have PTSD from pregnancy and childbirth, yes it sucked but wasn't that bad. But, I just have no sex drive anymore and quite honestly don't want to be touched intimately anymore. It started in month 5 of pregnancy and has never gone away. I don't know what to do to feel normal again and I need to keep my man, I can't expect him to never have sex again 😔. Does anyone out there understand what I feel and is there anything I can do because waiting didn't work this is not coming back on it's own I can feel it

It takes a VERY long time for some. I've only recently got my mojo back a d DS is almost 2! Befire that, it took massive effort for me to be in thr mood.

I might get flamed for this, but for me I just kind of did it even if I couldn't really be bothered in the beginning. After a little while my libido did come back a bit but I don't think it will ever be as strong as it was pre pregnancy. For me now dtd is more about just enjoying the closeness with DH. Maybe just give it a go, if it's hurting obviously stop, but you might be surprised that you end up having a good time in the end?

I tried it after 9 months but things didn't feel 'right' (I have a prolapse after traumatic forceps delivery) so we've agreed not to do it again for the foreseeable. We've agreed to do other stuff (no penetration) instead and keep it relaxed, no pressure. My husband would never put me under pressure - I just created a human being and had it dragged out of my vagina with a metal instrument!

Have you been honest with your partner? He might surprise you with how supportive he is. Honesty is also a big part of intimacy for me.

We've just dtd finally for the first time since our baby was conceived (in Nov 2017!) and she's now 21 months. DH and I have both been so tired and baby sleeps in our room so there's been no pressure on either side. Feels good to get our mojo back!

16 years here mate!!

I think it's very common for new mothers to feel this way. Birth is a trauma for the body that needs recovery time. Looking after a new born and growing baby is exhausting. More often than not you spend the majority of the day holding your baby, feeding your baby, on the floor playing with baby, your body being sat on, pulled, pushed by baby. Lots of mums just crave some time when your body is your body, ie not your baby's or your partners. The thought of a partner touching you or expecting/hoping for sex is sometimes just too much.

However sometimes many women discover their partners are selfish and lazy once a child comes into the mix. Rose tinted glasses fall off quickly when you realise you're partner is not supportive, does not do his fair share or more and does not step up when all things pointed out.

If your situation is the first then there are various options to get back to those feelings.

If it's the second then you are on a hiding to nothing.

OP it’s completely normal feel this way after having a baby. Try not to put pressure on yourself to do what you think is the right thing instead of what is right for you.

Have you thought about contacting your local midwives or hospital to have a post-birth debrief? I have a friend who did this and it helped her post-birth PTSD as she began to understand the What and the Why more. There was also an acknowledgement and apology for mistakes that took place.

Perhaps some counselling would also help?

In the meantime, be kind to yourself, try not to apply pressure or unrealistic expectations. It’s hard when you become a Mum because you suddenly feel a massive conflict in how much you can give to others and to yourself, after you’ve cared for the baby. It’s tiring! Find out what self-care works for you and try to make time for something every day, if it’s possible. Even if it’s just five minutes.

I also notice that you haven’t mentioned whether you have spoken to your partner about this and what his view or suggestions have been? Has he increased this feeling of pressure or is he supportive?

Have you spoke to your partner? I was feeling exactly the same as you, and I was really worried about it - even spoke to the dr who was great, and said that it was totally normal - so please don't worry.

I explained to my partner, that it wasn't anything that he had or hadn't done, it was just me and how I was feeling, I needed some intimacy back, before anything physical could happen, he listened and took it on board.

The first time we tried, it was very slow and tentative, he was so good bless him, we've both said since that it's weird - good weird - having sex to enjoy each other, rather than having sex to make a baby.

Be kind to yourself, take your time x

Take your time.
As soon as I fall pregnant I completely go off sex and I don't really have a high sex drive to start with (poor dh)
With dd it took at least 10 months i think.
Ds is now 7 months old and we are a long way off. Due to covid he's not moved out of our room yet as we can't get the nursery ready. I am still fat (depressive eating plus covid forcing us inside), panic about exercise as I have a slight vaginal prolapse, a rectal prolapse , chronic anal tears and leak urine (yay me!!)
Sex is not at the forefront of my mind right now.

Ok this thread has made me feel so much better! I’m 9 months PP and I don’t think we’ve done it since I was about 10 weeks pregnant last Christmas. I’m beginning to feel the faint stirrings of my sex drive again, but only very faint.

I really hated it for ages. We waited 6 months and i hated the first time and cried. Around 2 years it was quite a bit better though and I could genuinely get into it.

I mourn the loss of my amazing pre baby vagina though.