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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Would you have your ex p at the birth?

14 replies

harman · 08/10/2004 09:31

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jampot · 08/10/2004 09:34

If your adamant I would speak to the midwives who hopefully will support your decision. I think I wouldn't want someone I disliked in attendance at such a personal time and it is so important you're relaxed and this is a positive time. Good luck xx

Skate · 08/10/2004 09:36

No bloody way!!!!

When you go in, make it very clear to the midwives and they will respect your decision I'm certain. He hasn't any right whatsoever to be there and the most important person when a woman is in labour, is the woman!! I'm sure the midwives will keep him away at all costs.

Don't worry.

mears · 08/10/2004 09:38

Harman - as a midwife I come across this situation quite often. I think you are quite right not to have him at the birth. Having someone there who is not a support can actually inhibit your labour. He has no right to be there and when you are in hospital the midwives would ensure he was not allowed in if that was your wish. You can also have an information restriction in place when you go in so that no information at all is divulged by the hospital staff if he or anyone else phones. Sorry you are having all this worry at what should be a happy time

katzguk · 08/10/2004 09:39

if you don't want to have to be the bad guy and say no you can come then tell him that most hospitals have a policy on how many people can be in the delivery room, so you can tell him that you have reached the limit with your chosen birth partner

Twinkie · 08/10/2004 09:52

Harman - he doesn;t have any rights as far as being there are concerned and will probably have to go to court to even see the bbay - he has been a complete arsewipe and I think you are doing the right thing.

By the way DP is clearing some stuff from the house before baby comes - do you need anything - just some basic furniture and a futon - if I could I would be happy to bring it over as soon as I have gone on Mat leave??

Ooohhh and I have some vouchers for money off pampers new born if you would like thise - CAT me and I will send them to you.

TurnAgainCat · 08/10/2004 10:02

harman, no way give in to him. Perhaps you could start letting your children pick up the phone now, so that he gets used to not hearing your voice? I had to tell the midwives that I did not want xp there, and I also wrote on my birthplan that no information about me or my baby was to be given to anyone except my parents, and I avoided telling people I had gone into labour except Mum (who was taking me to hospital) and Dad (whom she rang to come and wait in the hospital). Can you start telling the children that it is very private when your baby comes and it is a surprise, and you don't want to tell anyone, even xp, until your baby comes home?

beansmum · 08/10/2004 10:26

my ex wanted to be there when ds was born, this was after telling me to have an abortion and then saying he never wanted to see me again. dont give in. if you tell the midwife when you go into hospital that you don't want him to be there they will make sure he isn't let in for any reason and they wont pass on any info to him if he phones/turns up.

having someone you can't stand there could make it a really horrible experience and a pretty crappy way of meeting your new baby. tell him to get lost

nightowl · 09/10/2004 00:47

harman, he doesnt have any right at all. if my ex partner had attended the birth i would have happily murdered him...and in fact still would. its your special time...make sure the midwives know this. wish you all the best and send you all our love xx

smellymelly · 09/10/2004 08:48

No no no no no!!!! And I didn't let him.

He did visit after and was such a git, I had to tell the hospital security not to let him. Maybe you could do that.

Caligula · 09/10/2004 09:19

What exactly does he think his role in the birth is? To support you? Because that is the role of a birth partner. He should be told in no uncertain terms that this event is about you and your baby, not about him. The ego of the man!

aloha · 09/10/2004 09:20

God no! It's your body and your birth and he has no right to be there. I think it would be very bad for you in fact. I think you need to tell him he's not welcome, in fact, he's not allowed, and that you will alert hospital security and the medical staff to that effect if he tries to muscle in.

Original poster

harman · 10/10/2004 20:58

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sis · 10/10/2004 21:05

Oh poor you Harman, he sounds really awful in that controlling way that some people have. I hope the birth goes well and I'm sure yourexp will be kept well away from you -especially if you put it in your birth plan too!

TurnAgainCat · 11/10/2004 09:24

harman, I know you are more experienced in childbirth than me, but wanted to tell you that one delight of not having a treacherous xp present during labour is the opportunity to curse him freely with all the words you ever learnt - a great device for assisting with a drug-free natural labour and the midwife humours you and says, "Try to direct all that energy downwards,"

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