Advice on labouring alone

[smeerf]

I'm 37 weeks with my second. I was induced last time (1 pessary then labour ward) and it's likely I'll be induced again this time.

Last time I had a bit of a shit experience. When I was admitted for induction, I was on a 4 bed bay. The midwives largely ignored me, I couldn't get the gas and air to work, I went into labour very quickly and painfully. I was the only woman out of 4 in labour, everyone else was on the drip and waiting and getting very upset at the noises I was making, even though I was desperately trying to stifle them. One woman even packed her bag and made a massive show of storming out as she couldn't deal with listening to me through the curtain.

I couldn't get the midwives to take me seriously, for example when I asked for pain relief they just said to use the gas and air, it was only when my partner arrived and went and spoke to them that they decided I was allowed some pethadine.

I ended up going through transition and starting to push, all up there in the 4 bed bay. I begged the midwives to examine me but they refused as it "wasn't time", and again it took for my partner to speak to them before they would. Lo and behold, I was 8cm and rushed down to the labour ward, no time for an epidural now. Everything after that was easy, DS was born very soon after.

This time I've been told I can go to the midwife led birth centre to deliver once the induction starts working, which is a lovely environment with a birthing pool etc. But no one will confirm at what point they'll allow me to go down. Because of covid, my partner won't be there, and I'm scared they won't listen to me again and I'll end up going through my whole labour in the 4 bed bay again, but this time alone.

Does anyone have any advice on advocating for yourself when in a situation like this? How can I get the midwives to listen to me and is there anything I can do to make the early stages of labour easier? I'm not scared about delivery at all, it was the easiest part, but I woke up this morning in tears at the thought of going through the early stages again in front of people judging me. I'm a very private person and being in pain in front of others is my worst nightmare.

Sorry you had a bad experience before . It sounds like the midwives on duty were negligent rather than policy etc causing issues, so there is nothing to suggest it is likely to happen again. Are you not allowed a birth partner at all, even in active labour? Most are allowing this and it's in the RCOG guidance :(. You might (hopefully) find you have attentive midwives who respect you this time, if not you have to be forceful, be demanding and don't take no for an answer. Easier said than done I know.

That sounds awful. I think you were very unlucky to be treated in that way. It sounds like whatever you said they wouldn't listen to you. I think you will have a better experience this time round.
Maybe have your phone in your bag. If they ignore you contact your partner so he can get through to them. You said they listened to him.
I hope everything goes well.

No birth partner until I get sent down to the birth centre, but I don't know when that is - presumably the same point at which you'd be admitted if you were at home? Or 4cm? But it's decided by the midwives on the ward.

I'm not worried from then onwards, I'll have a private room, pool hopefully, my partner, I can make as much noise as I want. I just can't imagine being in that much pain again in a room full of people who just want you to shut up and think you're being pathetic.

What an awful first experience! I agree with pp. Have phone on head and get partner to call if they're not listening to you. Or threaten to complain if they don't listen to you. Explain what happened last time you have this on your side at least!

That's a good idea. I think I'll try and have a word with one of them before it all kicks off and then maybe she'll be on my side. I'm glad no one's suggested what happened last time is normal and to be expected!

It's worth discussing this with a Supervisor of Midwives or Senior midwife before you get to to labour.

I had huge concerns about my 3rd labour because of poor treatment in delivery suite earlier in pregnancy. I rang and said these worries were leading to me not wanting to come in once in labour and they rang me back. I discussed all my concerns and they helped to come up with a plan that helped me to feel I could trust in their care a bit more.

OP this makes me really sad I can't believe how they treated you.
This time if you end up in a ward and you are being ignored KICK OFF it is detrimental that you have as good of an experience as possible if you are unhappy with midwife Caring for you, ask to speak to the midwife in charge and have someone else care for you
Don't let this happen again it's bad enough you can't have your husband by your side from start to finish x

That sounds awful you poor thing. Just wanted to add that in my experience the midwives trusted my judgement more second time around. I had a quick labour first time and they kept telling me to stay home. Ended up going in with not much time to spare. Second time I went in when I felt I should, they said I didn't seem like I was in active labour and they would normally send me home but they trusted my instinct that it wouldn't be long.

I could have written this post, my experience was almost exactly the same. I was left with no supervision and pain relief on the induction ward then had to be rushed down to the delivery suite. There wasn't even time for a wheelchair to be brought up so I had to 'scuttle' down the corridor and into a lift between contractions. Baby was born about 10 minutes after.

Im 17 weeks pregnant with my second and I'm currently planning a home birth.

Maybe try reading a few positive birthing books? They've helped my mindset massively.

I'm sorry you had such a poor experience the first time around. I recommend my clients labour at home for as long as they feel comfortable before heading to the hospital. This can also help labour progress more quickly as we relax when we are in our own safe spaces. Your partner can also help boost your oxytocin (the happy hormone that helps labour along) by giving you back rubs, making you laugh, having a snuggle etc. You could also consider hiring a doula - most of us are working online nowadays so can be at the end of the phone giving you emotional support and advice on making things easier as you labour.

Had the same experience here too, except they made me wait in the corridor for the last part because they ‘had other ladies to induce’ and I ‘won’t be in labour yet’ despite my protestations that I fucking was. No gas and air either they have me paracetamol. One examination to find I had done a whole labour in the bay and corridor, was at 10cm with a stuck baby and delayed meconium waters with a crash trolley - turned out I was right. Due in tomorrow for induction and am so bloody nervous about it, I want an epidural too and I’m just praying they listen this time, or I’m going to have to be very forceful. Good luck to you xxx

I would insist on being induced on the MLU not the antenatal ward. With my first i was induced with my first and almost gave birth with no pain relief in bathroom on the antenatal ward.

Op, as well as speaking to them, can you mark clearly on your birth plan about this happening? Despite being quite confident and direct in real life, I am very vulnerable and passive in labour!
I included something along the lines of ‘I Labour very quickly and quietly, so if I tell you I am in active labour you must believe me’.
This was after an unplanned home delivery with my 2nd child as the midwife sent me home.
Despite this and ‘quick labours’ marked all over my notes I still got the patronising ‘you’re not ready to push yet’ in triage until I said ‘well, I’m pushing’. Then it was all systems go!
Managed to waddle to a room where I gave birth a few mins later. It was very quick (15 mins prior I’d been 3cm) but in my eyes a result I didn’t actually birth in triage.