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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Will I have to go in alone?

27 replies

GBKJ102218 · 24/03/2020 20:16

Hi,

I'm due in two weeks with my second daughter 😁 DD1 is 4.5 and obviously off with us in the current situation.

Our local hospitals have restricted visitors to zero visitors and only one birthing partner allowed whom must leave once baby is born ie; they arent allowed on the ward.

My question is in relation to the latest lockdown rules; the plan was for my parents (under 70) to look after DD1 whilst we are in hospital for the birth however people are telling me that you arent allowed to interchange households now which means we cant take her anywhere and no one can come into our house. This means that my husband would have to stay home with DD1 and basically just drop me off for the birth and pick me up when baby is here and we are ready to go home!

I'm after some thoughts from you all please.... can I still take DD1 to my parents so husband can be with me, or do I have to be strong and do this on my own? I'll do whatever I need to but just need to get my head around it!

Thanks in advance!!!

OP posts:
SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel · 24/03/2020 20:20

Personally no matter what the actual advice is, in your circumstances Id go in alone. The midwives will be with you, I know its not the same, but needs must and all that. I think you'd be lowering the risks for your parents and the healthcare workers looking after you.

SephrinaX · 24/03/2020 20:21

Well, they've said you're allowed to exchange children between separated parents. So can't see how this would be any more of an issue as it would be a one off.

FloconDeNeige · 24/03/2020 20:23

I think you’ll probably have to go it alone, given the unprecedented circumstances. If it’s any consolation, I hardly even remember DH’s presence at either birth; I was so focussed on the task at hand!

Good luck 🍀

pjani · 24/03/2020 20:25

I think the situation is such a one-off and the parents are under 70 on balance I’d still see if they are willing to come.

Original poster
GBKJ102218 · 24/03/2020 20:26

It is looking likely that I am going to have to go this alone. I definitely dont want to put my parents at risk. Its just an awful situation. The thought of my husband and daughter seeing baby for the first time in a car park is dreadful! But most important thing is that everyone is safe and healthy!

Thanks for the replies and confirmation, I reckon I'll pack a sling/carrier then to make it easier for me to carry baby out!

OP posts:
playthestation · 24/03/2020 20:31

Have your parents been isolating? My concern would be passing it to your newborn. I know you will be at risk in the hospital but they are geared up to protect everyone as much as possible.

playthestation · 24/03/2020 20:33

Just to clarify I mean passing it from parents household to yours. If they haven't been isolating prior then no, don't send your DD there. She could bring it home.

Yesterdayforgotten · 24/03/2020 20:38

I'm so sorry op; what a stressful time. Incase this makes you feel alittle better my dh was with me when I had dc2 and I love the bones of him but the man was as much use as a chocolate fireguard! The midwives were amazing and much better birthing partners! You will be in amazing hands. You got this! Flowers x

LillianFullStop · 24/03/2020 21:03

I have the same issue OP but with my Dsis to look after DD not my parents. Keeping a close eye on hospital policies as worst case is I can't have a birth partner or any visitors at postnatal so it's a - drop off good luck with that ok?

Such an anxiety inducing thought for me I don't know how anyone could hear the prospect of this and think - yep should be fine. I know it's probably going to be necessary and for the best but doesn't make it easy or just fine.

citycat1234 · 25/03/2020 02:47

I've come to the same conclusion today - I'm going to go alone; due date in 3 weeks. I can't face the thought of putting anyone's health at risk by having someone else look after my older kids so my husband can come with me. I needed to make the decision now to get it straight in my head and I feel ok about it. Went for a scan on Monday and the fear in the eyes of the staff was enough to make me realise that however I feel about being in the hospital for a short time is nothing compared to their fear of being there all the time.

RhymingRabbit3 · 25/03/2020 08:50

If you, your daughter and your parents all completely self isolate from now until the birth there wouldnt be much risk to your parents, assuming that DD doesnt present with symptoms in that time.

People are allowed to travel to provide care to vulnerable people, surely a 4 year old whose Mum is in labour fits that category?

Original poster
GBKJ102218 · 25/03/2020 09:03

Thanks everyone. I'm going to tell myself i will have to so this alone, for the safety of everyone including the new baby. However, will consider the option again when the time comes. It could be 1, 2, 3 or 4 weeks I guess. I'm thinking more likely 2 weeks as my 1st was 40+2 and second babies tend to be the same or earlier.

I did think that it classes as caring for the vulnerable and helping with medical need, but I guess it's the thought of it being carried into their home. I think this is something I need to play day by day. If we have all been in our houses for 7 days from now and we are all fine then i will feel much better about my daughter going there.

OP posts:
Scruffyoak · 25/03/2020 10:10

I wouldnt take to gp. I had to have my 3rd alone and mw were extra attentive cant fault them at all.

nowandthenotyet · 25/03/2020 16:37

Am in the same position and struggling with the same things. Don't have family nearby, lots of friends we could ask but am struggling with whether even to do that - we have two kids and both would need minding seperately, so that increases the risk both for those that mind them and then for us and baby when we are all together again. It would be easier in some ways if it were just policy to go alone, then I wouldn't be agonising so much!

Nonnymum · 25/03/2020 16:41

I would talk to your midwife. But in your circumstances I think it would be OK to leave your daughter with your parents if they are fit and well and your daughter is not showing any signs of the virus.
Goid luck

XmasRibbons · 25/03/2020 16:45

I'm in a similar situation I have a planned c section in June and this has been playing on my mind quite a lot. I already decided before lockdown that I'd have to go alone, the plan was also for my partners parents to look after our 3 year old but as they have varying aged children themselves this isn't really an option anymore.

To be honest it's a very scary prospect but I'm just going to have to accept it for the health of my family I think, I wouldn't want to put my partner or any relative at risk. It's a risk I have to take as I have no choice but to give birth at some point.

My own mother may end up having to take me to the hospital as me and my partner don't drive and I'll be making her stay in the car. It sounds absolutely ridiculous I know but I can atleast control my own actions and try to minimise it. I'd imagine it may be far worse by June though.

Raindancer411 · 25/03/2020 16:53

I am due in late May and all having the same dilemma but hoping it may have passed the peak by them (they are saying it could be 2.5-3 weeks time). Have to see what the situation is and guidelines then

Midlifebaby · 26/03/2020 15:08

If all parties (your parents, you, hub + dD) isolate from now until delivery, and if that’s at least 2 weeks away, wouldn’t that be safe? And if your parents stay isolated until you get your DD back from them looking after her through the delivery, won’t that mean everyone except you and your DH who will have been exposed to the hospital will be virus free? Just a thought...me and OH are almost but not completely isolating with 6-7w to go, and will totally isolate the last 2 weeks (of course the baba doesn’t know this and might decide to make an early appearance 🤣)

Original poster
GBKJ102218 · 26/03/2020 15:40

Yeah its tricky isnt it because we have been in the house every day but my husband still has to go to work as he is a key worker. Also my parents ate doing their food shop once a week. Other than that we are all indoors. I think I need to judge it on the day and see what it's like. I'm prepared to go alone and will do so if it's the right thing to do.

There is a Facebook group called Bumps On Lockdown which has loads of ladies telling about their experiences in recent weeks. Lots gone alone through it and some still have been able to take their partners. So let's see Smile

OP posts:
Catscrat · 26/03/2020 17:04

I’m in the same position. We have been self-isolating for 2 weeks as DD and DH have had symptoms but will effectively keep doing so until baby arrives. My parents (both under 70 and healthy) are following all the lockdown rules and will be coming to look after DD as long as they stay well. I have two close friends as back up.

Midlifebaby · 27/03/2020 01:07

Thanks for telling us about the FB group - I’ve just found it and it’s lovely to see all those babies and mums xxxx

mrssunshinexxx · 27/03/2020 08:23

I really really feel for women who are due now or in the next 4-6 weeks I think that is who sadly it will affect the most it's awful that we can't all have the births we hoped for but of course I understand why x

Tigger83 · 27/03/2020 12:17

I think I'm going to have to go it alone. Dm is 72 fit and healthy but I can't put her at risk. Don't trust anyone else to isolate. I'm feeling pretty rubbish about it. Due at end of May 😔

TiptopJ · 27/03/2020 12:25

I'm due July and have mentally prepared to go in alone. The plan was for a friend to look after ds (toddler)but now husband is going to have to drop me at the hospital with our son in the car and I'll try and make my own way in and give birth with Just the midwife. I'm hoping I'll be able to facetime him once in there. I'm scared and disappointed but I strongly feel it's the lesser of two evils for me. All of us staying safe and reducing the risk of infection is my top priority

user1472205009 · 27/03/2020 20:52

I am in a similar position, my parents are in their 60s but fortunately in a position to self isolate which they are taking seriously- as are we. However, I still feel there would be a small chance of passing on any infection picked up from hospital when dh would go to collect dd (toddler). Due in 7 weeks. Mentally preparing to go it alone but do feel bad on dh as it is him that is missing out really. : (

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