No birth partners and severe anxiety

[Bookworm83]

It's becoming more and more likely that I won't be allowed a birth partner at all.
They're allowing 1 at the moment but only if they don't have any symptoms.
I have symptoms myself so it's possible my husband will get them too.
I suffer from severe anxiety and this is absolutely killing me.

I guess my question is have any of you given birth without a partner? How did you cope emotionally? I know obviously it's been done before (when my mum had me, fathers weren't allowed in as a rule), but I've been preparing for something completely different for months, and now I feel I will have zero support or coping strategies...

I already had to let my wonderful doula go earlier this week since she won't be allowed to be there. And she was the one who was supposed to look after my mental and emotional well-being.

I've been crying all morning. I'm 38+4 weeks so this will all be happening very soon.

Honestly worrying isn’t going to change anything.
There’s always two versions of outcome to consider, whilst your DH might not be there, he equally might well be there with you!
I totally understand it’s easier said than done, and I have suffered from severe anxiety myself.
What’s helped me is writing out my concerns, looking at them objectively and then writing out other possibilities.
It also helps to breath into the physical feelings around these thoughts and emotions. Bring love and compassion to them. Vision a positive outcome and everything going perfectly.
Thinking of you

Be aware that what you’re considering is clearly the worst case.

In any event, clinicians were amazing during my c-sec. Regardless of who else is or isn’t there, the medical team will always give you amazing support.

To be honest, although dh was there both times and I can't fault him, I was barely aware if him in the room once things got going (and I was on my own for most of it both times as induced overnight first time and v short labour where dh had to look after ds1 until my mum came 2nd time).

You may find that you go into yourself when it comes to the crunch, and anyway your midwife is your birth partner and will see you through.

Good luck!

Thank you everyone ❤️
I needed to hear this. You're all so right. Xx

Couldn't your doula be your back-up support person if your partner isn't able to come?

I'd second what @sleepyhead said I barely noticed my DH was in the room, I was so 'in the zone'. I think he was a bit miffed I didn't talk to him for 6 hours

One of my friends found out today that her hospital now has a policy that no one is allowed to come in with you. I understand not taking multiple people in but seems so unfair not to let husbands/partners in. My sister is a Dr and we’ve been all very strict about social distancing but I’ll be honest this one really surprised me and my friend’s been crying all evening on the phone to me.

It’s fucking terrifying and honestly it’s not ok. They’re removing women’s basic rights to choice in birth and it doesn’t actually seem to be for their own safety.

To be honest, although dh was there both times and I can't fault him, I was barely aware if him in the room once things got going

100% this.

DH is great and everything, but once things started to ramp up, I couldn’t have given a shiny shit whether he was there or not. When I think back on the birth, he doesn’t really feature.

When I was scared or frightened it was the AMAZING midwife whose hand I was clinging on to and who was reassuring me. Between her and the equally supportive student mw that was there, I just have warm and fuzzy feelings about getting through it with the support of other women.

DH went and got me a bottle of coke from the vending machine after DS was born and when he reappeared I just realised that he’d been there the whole time .

Yea my sister calmed me down, I was actually really upset on behalf of my friend last night. My sister said the thing she’s finding harder as a Dr is that they’re going to have to separate babies from their mothers for 7-14 days if the mother has Covid-19 which obviously impacts bonding. She says her hospital are currently prepping for that and she knows it’s really stressing staff as they’re assuming they’ll be getting quite a few mums with covid-19 over next few weeks.

I gave birth 2 weeks ago, luckily for me my partner was allowed but I have to say that the midwives were so fantastic, just before I gave birth my partner had to go and put money on the car, contractions were very intense by this point but I felt strangely completely calm with just the midwife without my partner there. Just really to say these are women who often have experienced birth themselves, they often really understand what you're going through and are professionally trained and experienced so it was a great experience for me and a reminder that you can get support in ways you don't expect. Thinking of you and best of luck.