Stressed about birth partners - Help!!

[sweetiecake97]

I'm being induced on Thursday and I'm so stressed about my birthing partners more than the actual labour!

I have to make a decision between Babys Dad Or my Dad and Its really stressing me out.

Me and baby dad got back together when i found i was pregnant as we've always had a thing for each other and always have. I found he was asking for sex and pictures via message when I was 32 weeks pregnant and I ended it. We didnt speak for weeks and I feel he really let me down and disrespected me. Ive since moved on from that to make it easier for our parenting and we are now friends. I do believe he suffers with bipolar as he can be amazing one day and unrecognisable another. We still have a thing for each other and he is the love of my life. So I do want him at the birth, I feel he needs to see what women have to go through to birth a mans child and i still have feelings for him and want to see his face when his baby is born. Another part of me is still angry with him and that he doesnt deserve it?
My dad refuses to swap half way through as he doesnt feel he deserves to be there so basically I will end up upsetting someone. My dad is very stubborn towards it but I only get once chance at the birth and Want it to be right. Im 22 and feel like im a teenager to be honest! My parents help me out a lot, I still live with them and im greatful but I feel if i dont have my dad there then im ungreatful and choosing someone he hates over him....I dont know what to do!!

I wouldn't want a man I couldn't trust with me during a birth, but I also really wouldn't want my dad, and I'm very close to my dad.

Do you have a friend or Aunt that could support you? Is your mum not able to?

Maybe talk this through with your midwife.

Who is the best person to advocate for YOU? Who will support you? Sounds like the dad isn't the best person to provide the support (emotional and otherwise) that you might need. Do you have a best friend? How about your mum?

Childbirth is not a spectator sport!

Nobody has a ‘right’ to be with you.

Choose whomever you think will be the most helpful to you personally. Remember that you are the patient, not the baby.

And, because it bears repeating, Childbirth is not a spectator sport!

Do you have a female best friend or family member who could be your birth partner?

I'm not convinced either your dad or your ex are good choices.

I had my partner with me with all 3 of my births but he is supportive and loving and made sure he was as prepared as he could be.

If I could not have my partner there I would want a woman with me, preferably one who had given birth herself.

I echo the what all of the PP have said.

It’s not a spectator support, they’re there to support and advocate for you. To be honest it doesn’t sound like either can do that

I’m assuming from the way it’s written that your dad is the 2nd birth partner as I think most places let you have a 2 person limit.

You need someone like your mum or best friend to support you. Ideally the dad would be there but if he’s of no use to you then he doesn’t get an automatic right

Plenty of women give birth without a birthing partner being there. Your choices seem be between " bad" and " worse" , so why have either ? A good midwife is the best birth partner that you can have, op. I know, I had both of mine with just a midwife and it was just fine. Do consider going that way - childbirth is women's business to my mind.

what women have to go through to birth a mans child

There's part of your problem. You are not "birthing a mans child" you are having your baby. You are not having a baby for him!
I think that as this is his and your child he should be there. But also that it is your call (not your dad's or the baby's dad's), you seem to feel subservient to the men in your life.

This is the one time when even you will see that you trump all others (bar the baby) so ditch the boyfriend and your Dad off their pedestals and put yourself and your baby up there instead.

The people you need at a birth are those you trust completely and feel 100% supported by. Not those you think would benefit from the experience or learn a lesson from it.

Birth can be hard and scary and you'll probably lose your shit. You don't need the extra hassle and distraction of having someone there you feel conflicted about.

From now on, it's about the baby and you. Anything that detracts from that can just be left behind.

Your dad doesn’t get to dictate who attends the birth. It’s about YOU and nobody else at that moment. Even if you change your opinion in the last minute there’s no right for anyone to complain about it. Your feelings trump everyone else’s because you’re going to be at your most vulnerable and you need to be as comfortable as possible. Not being comfortable can affect the birthing proces in a negative way.

If you really want your baby’s father to be there, I would make the decision to invite him or not at the actual moment given his mood swings.

I wouldn't have either. This is your baby and your moment and neither will do you any good. Take a friend or do it alone, the midwife will support you. Your dad sounds controlling over this and your ex doesn't sound like he will be much support either

Went the chips are down, who will advocate for you the best? I think having the DAd themight help his relationship with the child and possibly your relationship with him. But it,s your choice.

, I feel he needs to see what women have to go through to birth a mans child and i still have feelings for him and want to see his face when his baby is born.

This sounds to me like you're hoping that if your ex is there at the birth he will change. Sorry, but he won't.
It also sounds like your dad thinks his wishes are more important than yours, so he's no good for this.

Choose a birth partner whose #1 priority will be you, whether that's a friend or a midwife.

Thankyou everyone!

My mum is my first birthing partner so aslong as shes there then i'll be fine! Im a very soft person so I dont like upsetting people, but im going to have to toughen up pretty fast.

Lots of units seem to be restricting women yto one birth partner atm, so the problem looks like solving itself.

Your DF sounds problematic in himself; anyone who agrees to be a birth partner agrees to supporting you whatever, so he doesn't get to be 'stubborn' or say what he will or won't do. That's not how it works!

And by the way, bipolar doesn't involve rapid mood swings from day to day; the high and low phases go on fo much much longer than that. Whatever is going on with him it doesn't sound like bipolar. He might just be not a very pleasant or reliable person.

I hope your DM is geared up to be your supportive advocate in labour as you will probably be relying on just her. All the best for you and your little one.