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Original poster

Home Birth - negative Midwife

23 replies

Mickj · 01/10/2004 15:44

We are hoping to have a homebirth as naturally as possible, and so far there are no reasons not to. I am just over 33 weeks and have only had 4 appointments and seen a different midwife each time, all of which have been a little impersonal and negative about our choice. We were told that home births were encouraged but I have received no encouragement whatsoever and am beginning to feel like a nuisance. I am not looking forward to having my baby delivered by a unenthusiastic stranger - should I go private before its too late? I have tried very hard to be positive and friendly, but something tells me that morale is low at Whittington Hospital.

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pupuce · 01/10/2004 20:22

Hi Mickj... have you been to aims.org.uk - that might help you.
Is this a London hospital ?
Is this your first baby?
You can get a doula but you are leaving very late to find one.... but she would support you at home or hospital.
Feel free to CAT me if you need to find a doula.
Good luck !

Socci · 01/10/2004 20:48

Message withdrawn

midden · 01/10/2004 21:24

I would call to speak to your community team leader, tell her about your appointments so far and your experiences and ask her if you can arrange to see a midwife who is positive and supportive of your choice. Never feel like you are a nuisance, you have a right to a good standard of maternity care and support in your choice, which in my opinion is the best one.

Here are some links which you may have come across already but if not might be of interest,

look here for info on your rights concerning maternity services

look here for info on home birth, support stories and everything you need to know

look \link{http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/homebirthUK/messages\here to join a home birth email group where you will get support from midwives who are passionate and knowledgable on the subject and also from mums who have experienced home birth or like you have booked one but feel a little disillusioned/unsupported.

Also pupuce is right, sounds like it might be of value to you to build up a relationship with a woman who will be with you for the birth, this will also heighten your chances of having a quicker and easier birth.

Best of luck with your birth, you can CAT me too if you want to chat to somone who has experienced home birth.

xxxxx

midden · 01/10/2004 21:27

sorry the home birth email group did not work tryhere

Also, do you know of a home birth support group in your area? Lots around and worth finding out if theres one nearby.

I meant to say too pupuce is right about the doula, in case you wondered what I meant.

WideWebWitch · 02/10/2004 10:13

Call the head of midwifery and see if she can help you. Don't know what else to suggest other than changing hospitals, which you could consider.

MeanBean · 02/10/2004 11:59

Would second what www says. There's absolutely no reason you should pay for something the NHS is supposed to guarantee as your right, and if you do take it up with the Head of Midwifery, you'll get a much more positive response.

hope it goes well!

Original poster
Mickj · 03/10/2004 17:06

All of you timed your lovely messages so well. Just had a home inspection and was told that any of the North London midwives could attend the birth and do not be surprised it if is a complete stranger. A very formal meeting but I guess they have to cover themselves - they also said that it is possible that a midwife may not be available, but your link to AIMS has been really enlightening with the rights of the mother. Isn't it funny, you can be really assertive in all aspects of life, but not when it comes to the birth of your baby. I've been really keen to keep it all calm and relaxed with no conflict or stress - thanks fellas for all the advice. I will be looking into a doula pupuce. Thanks again - you really cheered me up on a drizzly Sunday xxx Its our first child by the way and I wish I'd joined mumsnet sooner!!!!

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motherinferior · 04/10/2004 15:37

MickJ, if they do tell you no-one is available when you go into labour it may be worth making a BIG fuss. I did. And FWIW I got one stranger and one near-stranger...and they were utterly utterly wonderful. HTH!

JoolsToo · 04/10/2004 15:45

if its your first - they don't really encourage it - I understand why too!

Pidge · 04/10/2004 15:49

MickJ - really interested to read your experiences. I'm 18 weeks pregnant with my second child, and have just opted for a homebirth if it's possible. Ironically I will now have all my midwife appointments at the hospital rather than in my friendly GP surgery! But the team there are supposed to be good, so I'm hoping all will be well. I too have been hearing about the 'midwife may not be available when you go into labour' thing, which rather worried me.

MI is right - assertiveness is the way forward!

motherinferior · 04/10/2004 16:24

Pidge - email me if you want to, you're in the Kings area, aren't you.

Pidge · 04/10/2004 16:37

MI - thanks, will definitely do that. I do remember being inspired by your amazing homebirth experiences.

Original poster
Mickj · 04/10/2004 16:39

J2 and MI - thanks for you help - I am going to just go with the whole stranger thing - I think I had this rose tinted idea that home birth would be this lovely friendly experience - midwife becomes mum etc etc - but its not and we shall just get on with it. One positive way of looking at it is that we can just do our own thing, relax, fill our pool and see how it goes. Hospital's just up the road if anything should go wrong and we've done a Hypnobirthing Course to keep everything calm and relaxed (and its gives the ole man something to do!!!!!). So, I am going to keep doing the breathing exercises and listen to the Hypno tapes and leave it at that. Really recommend the Hypno course by the way - it all makes perfect sense - and I'm a northerner and not at all a 'brown rice' kind of person!!! Thanks again xxxxx

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edam · 04/10/2004 16:44

Think hospitals use the 'midwife may not be available' line to discourage home births, because they see it as tying up midwives who could be in hospital rushing between several different women. Actually, a midwife has a professional duty to attend a woman in labour, if asked.
Hope very much it all works out for you. You may need to be a bit bolshy about this!

Original poster
Mickj · 04/10/2004 16:58

Thanks Edam and thanks also to pupuce and aims.co.uk it says that if a midwife is not available, the NHS has to fund a private call out. So, I'll keep my bolshy head handy (and I did mention this to the MW just incase she thought I was uninformed). xx

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Pidge · 04/10/2004 17:05

Whilst I'm feeling all militant - this article last month in the Guardian made me mad. And it's interesting to hear what aims are saying by contrast about the right to a homebirth.

The homebirth lottery

(I get a runtime error when the page first loads, but just click No to debug, and you should be able to read the article. Shoddy web programming!)

acnebride · 04/10/2004 17:27

Mickj, sorry to hijack but could you say where/who did your hypnobirthing course? i am v interested as my sister is pg and having used a very basic relaxation tech to good effect at ds's birth i wd like to recommend it to her. aNY info appreciated!

Original poster
Mickj · 04/10/2004 20:24

Hi Pidge - what an excellent article - really highlights the facts that giving birth isn't a science and medical intervention is not always needed, but if only mothers had the choice in the first place and were encouraged, childbirth wouldn't have this stigma of pain and fear attached to it.

Thanks for that. xx

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Original poster
Mickj · 04/10/2004 20:30

Hi AB - no problem at all - we did the Hynobirthing course with a french lady called Annie McCue - she runs the course for one weekend a month in Wandsworth, but can do private courses. There are quite a few practitioners around the country, but I would really recommend it. Just being relaxed and allowing your body to get on with it made such sense to myself and my husband - infact all the partners were really surprised by the end of the weekend, most of whom had been dragged along with sceptical looks on their faces! And hey, why not, a little relaxation is a good thing, and if it works, all the better. I am going to use it during labour and birth, but under no illusions that I may need G&A etc, which will also be on hand. But, it did surprise me just how self hypnosis can bypass fear, and as I said before, I'm a northerner, so thats quite a revelation.

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WideWebWitch · 04/10/2004 21:03

Mickj, don't let them tell you a first baby is any reason not to have a homebirth either. I had my first at home (and second)and so did lots of people I know.

midden · 04/10/2004 23:37

I am another who was told there would be no midwife available (at 36 weeks then again in labour) I just told them I would not be going to hospital, (this was my second homebirth and baby was coming quickly!!) A midwife arrived very promptly and no more was said.

midden · 04/10/2004 23:42

"if its your first - they don't really encourage it - I understand why too!"

Not sure how helpful a comment like this is? Lots of first babies are born at home - probably much quicker and with less stress than in hospital! You are certainly less likely to need a c section.....

Pidge · 05/10/2004 09:24

Oh yes, don't be put off by the 'not for first baby' argument. I now know several people who've had their first at home and had a wonderful experience. Of course you have to have an open mind, and you may have to change plans at any point including during labour. But that's true of any birth.

Good luck.

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