Baby number 2 due soon - no partner, family or friends to help with childcare

[BarleyG]

Please be gentle with me, I am feeling rather alone and emotional.

I am due to have my second baby in 5 weeks and I am so worried about the birth.
I have a 7 year old who I am a single parent to. Her dad is refusing to look after her when I go into labour. I have no partner, no family or friends and my neighbours are all quite hostile and unapproachable. I have no idea what to do with my daughter or how to get myself to hospital.

Last time I gave birth, I had no warning signs or “early labour” - it started with one huge contraction and continued every 2 minutes - I was 9cm dilated when I arrived at the hospital and she was born an hour later.
I have complications which would make giving birth anywhere but the major hospital very dangerous for both me and the baby. I’m not allowed to have a home birth or to use the birthing centre 25 minutes away, and even if I could they have told me that they’d have to refuse my daughter as it’s policy.

I have to somehow drive myself 45 minutes to the hospital and then queue for 1.5 hours to park (I’m there often and it’s never taken less than that). Realistically I can’t dump my car anywhere and just accept a ticket because there are so many roadworks going on at the hospital there is nowhere that wouldn’t totally block the road, even on double yellow lines.
My daughter won’t be allowed in but I have nobody to collect her or look after her.

I’m just so stressed and upset about it all. I really don’t know where to turn
Sorry for the rant

Have you spoken to your midwife about these issues? I'm sure you aren't the first woman to be in this position and she may be able to suggest solutions.

Your 7 year old- is her father really unwilling to take her? Does he usually take her for regular contact? I have had friends take their child with them to hospital in labour whilst waiting for a relative to collect them, and a member of hospital staff looked after them until the relative arrived. I understand that if there is genuinely nobody to look after them then social services are called to consider foster care. Are you expecting to need to stay in hospital after the birth for medical reasons? Are there any school friends she could go to? I would be willing to take a friend of my child in these circumstances even if I didn't know the parent.

Driving to hospital- please please don't drive yourself in labour, you are putting other people at risk. Who is baby's father, will he or one of his relatives drive you? Round here people take taxis to hospital if they don't have a partner to drive them. Ask your midwife if she knows any taxi firms that take women in labour, or join a local facebook group and ask for recommendations. If you think it is genuinely an emergency then call 999.

If you do drive and can't find parking and the labour is advanced you will just have to block the road and leave your car, have a pen and paper in the car to leave a note, I imagine it might get towed but there is little else you can do.

What support do you have after baby is born?

Can you approach any of the parents of your 7 year old's friends, and ask if they'd be willing to take her? Failing that, can you throw some money at the problem and find someone you can pay to look after her while you're at the hospital.

Taxi to hospital.

Talk to your midwife, you won't be the first in this situation. Call a taxi or 999 if it's more urgent, do not drive. The hospital will have procedures in place for if a child arrives with their mum, usually they can stay with you or at 7 they may just them them sit by the nurses station (they won't be promoting this but in emergency they will make sure she is safe)

I agree - talk to your midwife.
When I gave birth and was moved on to a 2 to a bed ward, the other lady had her 7 year old son with her and they had a pull out bed available for him so there must be things in place.

First would be to approach a school friend of DD, they will most likely be happy to help, I know I would.

Secondly. If you can't find anyone, you get yourself and daughter to hospital. Have an issue overnight bag packed for her and contact details for her father. The hospital will call him and make it clear it's him or foster care.

Hi, i work as a midwife and my advice to you would be do not drive. Get yourself and daughter to hospital by ambulance if need be. There are not any staff available to provide care to you child however there is no reason why she cant go in room with you. We can also ring her dad up and try to impress upon him his responsibility to safe guard his child. Just do not worry. Worse case scenario she is in room with you.

Am in the same position as you.Am due in 5 weeks.I am going in for my labor alone.I have arranged with my babysitter to be come stay with my 5 year old once am in labor.Baby sitter lives very close so has agreed to be on call at anytime day or night.Try asking locally for babysitters around your area.

I put a message on a local Facebook group asking if anyone had any ideas and a local nanny said she would be willing to do emergency care if needed. I didn't end up needing her, but it was reassuring knowing there were options out there! Good luck