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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Epsom hospital - overnights for dads and c section

29 replies

commuters30 · 12/01/2020 06:33

Hi

If you had an elective c section or natural birth, can dads stay overnight during recovery period in the days after?

Also when/where is the latest you can tell them you want an elective c section?

OP posts:
Milbo · 12/01/2020 06:39

Yes they can. We were given a private room so it was even easier but they can stay on the ward. Ask early for a section as it’s a fight to get one. I asked at 20 weeks and it was refused repeatedly and only granted when I got to 37 weeks. Epsom don’t seem to follow the NICE guidelines re allowing elective sections so it can be a fight, or at least it was a couple of years ago.

Original poster
commuters30 · 12/01/2020 06:50

@Milbo thanks so much!! That's a relief that dads can stay.

But scary about the elective... I'm in third trimester and haven't asked yet. Sounds like I must ask for it in my 34 week midwife appointment!!!

OP posts:
Milbo · 12/01/2020 06:58

They may have improved now. I actually needed a section for medical reasons and had a consultant in another discipline supporting my request but the Obstetrician wasn’t keen to approve it. Aside from that one issue Epsom was wonderful and we were really well looked after. We have since moved away and I’m actually sad if we were to have any more that they won’t be born there as both my sections there were great.

recreationalcalpol · 12/01/2020 07:04

Please don’t subject other women to the indignity of sleeping in a room with a strange man just because you want your husband to stay. That seems to me to be the height of selfishness

Milbo · 12/01/2020 07:10

@recreationalcalpol nothing selfish about accepting much needed help after a section. Take your agenda elsewhere.

NemophilistRebel · 12/01/2020 07:18

I had a section and DH went home

Was awful being on a ward with snoring and farting men

Felt very fulnedable at such a private time

I didn’t know men were allowed to stay on the ward before hand otherwise I would have either changed hospitals or booked private room

recreationalcalpol · 12/01/2020 07:21

It’s really not an agenda. I am certain that sharing a ward with unknown men, watching me whilst I was trying to establish breastfeeding and unable to move due to major abdominal surgery, contributed significantly to my PND.

treenu · 12/01/2020 07:23

Thank god that the hospital I was at sent partners home at 9pm.

No way would I have wanted men I didn't know around all night when I was most vulnerable, uncomfortable and in some pain trying get to grips with breast feeding.

The man in the next bay slept and snored
during the days as it was.

I had a csection and the help would have been nice but not at the expense of other women's wellbeing and sense of security.

NemophilistRebel · 12/01/2020 07:25

Same here @recreationalcalpol

eggsandsoldiers · 12/01/2020 07:25

I had a vaginal birth at Epsom and was in for 2 nights post birth due to infection and blood loss. We paid for a private room, which I think was around £250 per night, but it was the best decision. DH stayed and I couldn't have got through the night if he hadn't as he had to move DD boob to boob every half hour. I couldn't move her myself as I had a painful cannula.

I guess you have the midwives there to help you if you need them during the night though.

NemophilistRebel · 12/01/2020 07:26

Just reading this has given me the snubbers as I’m waiting on a c section to be agreed

And I’ve no idea if il be able to request private room or if il end up with men in the same ward overnight again

SnuggyBuggy · 12/01/2020 07:27

I agree with recreationalcalpol, this is a womens space and you will be making things difficult for the patients who don't have a chaperone.

Is there a woman who could stay with you?

NemophilistRebel · 12/01/2020 07:30

Snubbers = shivers

SnuggyBuggy · 12/01/2020 07:34

I think snubbers is a great word.

xmaself24 · 12/01/2020 07:42

Most other women won't be happy with your dh staying overnight.

Original poster
commuters30 · 12/01/2020 07:42

I'm highly dependent on DH and anxiety sets in if he is not around. I get the point completely around the fact it's women's only... so I am at a loss.

OP posts:
SpudsAreLife84 · 12/01/2020 07:50

I too am so relieved that partners had to leave the ward at 9pm with babies 1 and 2. When I had my 3rd, the hospital let partners stay....it was absolutely awful Sad

SpudsAreLife84 · 12/01/2020 07:51

I'm highly dependent on DH and anxiety sets in if he is not around

I guess you are aware that this is unhealthy and you need to address this urgently as it is no way to live. I'd seek help now and use your pregnancy to begin working towards managing your anxiety in preparation.

Milbo · 12/01/2020 08:06

@commuters30 do what’s right for you. The hospital allow it for a reason- there aren’t many midwives on over night and you end up waiting a long time for help, not ideal after a section. There are plenty of other local hospitals that don’t allow men on the ward for people who are uncomfortable with it. Hardly any of these replies have actually been relevant to your question, people just feel the need to chime in. There will be other women on the ward with their husband’s there.

MummyOfBoyAndGirl · 12/01/2020 08:27

Please get help for your anxiety Thanks

I've had 2 sections, one emergency & one planned. You don't .need anyone with you during the night. Hospital staff are there for genuine support needed, other than that keep everything in reaching distance & rest as much as you can.

I don't agree with non-patients being slowed on labour wards overnight, whether male or female. It's disruptive, too close/small/invasive an environment & puts pressure on other patients who don't have anyone stay. I also think it being a man can be triggering for many women as mentioned above. Another key reason I disagree with it is that partners staying is not expected or offered on other wards. So I don't understand why it's acceptable in some hospitals.

Please get help for your anxiety, it will make a huge difference to your life. Please don't have your partner stay in the hospital

Scythrop · 12/01/2020 11:02

OP, it’s fine to have your DH there if that’s hospital policy. Certainly at night staff numbers are low (I wasn’t at Epsom, but quite near, and we were moved from a private room in the middle of the night to a small 2-person ward because of staff shortage. DP was very useful for carrying everything, moral and care support aside). There are curtains around beds on the wards for privacy. I’m shocked people are bullying you about this. If they have an issue with the policy, they should address this to the hospital, not to an expectant mother.

Also just want to reassure you about the late request for a c section - I missed my chance to request one because I was too diffident when faced with midwife resistance and then the baby came a bit early anyway. Despite my not being prepared at all for a VB, the midwives in the birth centre were great and gave me all the instruction I needed. Hope all goes well for you on the day!

buddhababy2019 · 12/01/2020 23:42

Does anyone know if men stay on the ward at St Helier too?

PPopsicle · 12/01/2020 23:47

I bloody loved having my husband there and didn’t take notice at all of other men, I think allowing partners is a great idea

SnuggyBuggy · 13/01/2020 07:11

It's not bullying to point out the effects of a person's actions on other people.

namechangenewness · 13/01/2020 09:09

Both the hospitals I'v used didn't allow it. I really could of done with him after my first.