How long after childbirth do you think you were recovered enough to look after a 21 month old?

[PSL1990]

My next baby is due in the summer. My first child will be 21 months old when the baby arrives. I am a stay at home mum and will be looking after the newborn and 21 month old at home by myself (with husband working 8-6ish). My first baby was an EMCS and for this next baby I have a choice between ELCS and VBAC. Could you tell me what kind of birth you had and how long after the birth do you think you would have been fit and able to look after a 21 month old?

DS was 18mo when DD was born (both VBs). Having a newborn and a 18mo was infinitely easier than being pregnant and looking after a 18mo in terms of lifting him, catching him when he ran off, being able to sit him on my knee, playing with him on the floor etc - although I appreciate this may be different if you opt for an ELCS. Good luck with the birth.

@AWaspOnAWindowReturns that's good to hear! Do you have any tips on looking after a young toddler and newborn together?

My DD was 15 months when DS was born, but didn't walk or crawl, so she was slightly easier than most babies of that age would have been. I did look after the two on my own from day 2, though my husband was there for the weekend after that.

I just winged it. I picnicked on the floor for lunch so I didn't need to lift her. I played on the floor with her from day 3.

I was good to go from about day 4, but they were both VD (though DS was a massive 4.3 kg who's shoulder got stuck), so maybe sections are different.
It's worth mentioning my midwife thinks I'm lucky that I recover so easily.

My DD1 was 20 months when DD2 was born by ELCS. DH had two weeks off and by then I was feeling a lot better (tired, but less sore!). We had a boring couple of weeks at home but DD1 still napped so that helped, and we either played at home, walked to the park or watched TV (a lot of TV) until I could drive again. You’ll be fine, you just have to get on with it and do what you can.
My friend said to me you need to force yourself to have a couple of boring weeks to properly heal, because if you overdo it and end up back in hospital, you’re no good to anyone. So rest as much as possible in the early days, your older DC will just have to be bored for a while!

My eldest was 2.5 when I had my middle child by c-section. I got him to climb up to me for a hug and made sure we had books handy so we could read together while I fed so he didn't feel left out. Made sure to include him in nappy changes and bath times and gave him specific jobs to feel important. I was on my own too because I just left my ex but it's pretty easy once you get a routine.

Probably not even 21 months tbh

Sorry, I was joking not being mean!

I had a vaginal birth with episiotomy/ventouse. I developed inflammation which left me pretty much immobile for about a month.

I had a terrible delivery with my 2nd child, was in hosp for 3 days, then in bed another 5 or 6. DH was home for two weeks, and by then I was just about okay to look after DD, who was almost 3.

My DS is 21 months and if I had another baby now with a similar birth (forceps and episiotomy) I think I would really struggle for the first few weeks. He has a lot of energy and I couldn't walk far for a good few weeks. I take it your partner isn't able to take paternity leave to help you?

I had an elective c-section with my second. I wasn't looking after both kids (eldest was two) completely on my own until he was about five weeks old because DH had his first month off. We sent eldest to the childminder full time that time as well. Mainly so I could rest.

Looking back, I was fit enough to do it on my own sooner. But u didn't need to and didn't want to.

The early days are mainly a case of just surviving each day anyway. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be doing loads. It was probably closer to two months we were out and about lots for days out etc.

I had 17 month old DC1 on my own two weeks after having DC2, both were sections. It's tiring but doable as long as you remember to minimise picking them up.

I had an emergency section with dc1 and electives with dc2 and dc3. Similar age gap between 1 and 2.

Electives are a much better experience than emergency sections and the recovery is usually quicker. However I pushed myself too much after dc3 (by then the older two were 6 and 4 and used to being very active outdoors, and both very fit and used to long walks and bike rides) and ended up setting my recovery back, so be a bit careful!

I wasn't really ok to change toddler nappies, especially dirty nappies, for the first two weeks because of bending/ stretching/ lifting the small toddler - you shouldn't be lifting anything heavier than your baby in the first 2-3 weeks.

Most other things were manageable by day 4 if you don't mind cbeebies and snacks rather than walks and toddlers groups initially.

By day ten I was carrying dc2 in a sling and back to dc1's usual routine but DH was home for two weeks (we split his paternity leave and he took more a few months later when it was actually more useful).

I had an ecs I was ok to look after toddler on my own a week later.

I had a fairly good VB with DC2, with a 21 month age gap with a 2nd degree tear that healed well. Physically, I would have been immediately able to look after DC1. However, DC2 had a tongue tie and feeding was a nightmare until it was corrected 2 weeks later so I wouldn't have been able to establish breastfeeding if DH hadn't been there to help with DC1 for the first 3 weeks.

I had a VB, with a 3 year old. Was on my own with them both the day after giving birth. But I do cope with birth quite well. It wasn't too bad, luckily my 3 year old was used to me doing little after I had HG throughout pregnancy. It was a heatwave so we went for a walk, did some shopping and cuddled on the sofa so he could get used to his baby brother (was told he was a girl before birth, leading to very confused child 😁). Take it easy and don't overdo anything x

Vaginal birth I ended up staying 2 nights in hospital and couldn't stand up or pick anything up without wetting myself for about 4 weeks, no way I could have picked up an older child. I couldn't drive for 6 weeks and sitting and walking was painful for several months (episiotomy). I would have been able to look after a toddler if I'd had to around 4 or 5 weeks. But couldn't have left the house with them for another 2 or 3. There'd have been lots of screen time and chicken nuggets and bananas to eat.

C section I think I'd have been fine after 10 days- could have walked them to the park, got the on the swing and round about etc. I'd have preferred not to but could have. Wouldn't have thought twice about it from 4 weeks.