am i just unlucky or has anyone else missed thier childrens birth

[orangehead]

both labours really traumatic and long 1st ended in an emergency section which i had a GA i even missed his 1st breastfeed as still unconscious. the 2nd again long labour which resulted in me losing a load of blood and passing out as they dragged him out with forceps. i really want my next to be more positive and at least b conscious. Also with my first doc told us after, that ds1 nearly died, he all ok now, and the 2nd was abit touch and go with me losing so much blood, part of me thinks maybe i should realize that perhaps me and labour dont work and im lucky that even though the labours were eventful we are all well and not risk a future preg but I so want another baby. Anyone have a exp of 3rd good labour after 2 awful ones?

I would try and have a chat with your GP or asked to be referred to a gynaecologist/obstetrician to discuss why your labours were so bad and what the risks to you and a future baby could be. At least then you could make an informed decision.

A good friend of mine had a bad haemorrage after the birth of her 1st dc then suffered a placental abruption during her second labour. She has been told in no uncertain terms NOT to get pg again as the risk is far too great.

You may not be told what you want to hear but it sounds as though you've been incredibly lucky with your previous two, considering the circumstances.

Why don't you have a planned section - that way you can be awake but not worry about the experience?

if necc I would have a planned setion, but maybe i have gone mad, i really feel the need to experience a 'normal' birth but would never put that need above mine or babys health

I had a horrible 1st crash section and was planning a second elective c-section because I at least wanted to be awake, but ds2 had other ideas and ws born vaginally while I was still demanding a section! totally sympathise with how you feel because i am still upset about ds1's birth and feel like I missed those first hours, and i also want a 3rd but dh says no way will he go through another pregnancy! Agree with olihan that you should discuss with doctors and read, read, read. If you do decide to go for a vbac, really go into it prepared. i really hope it all works out for you.

sorry if being a bit thick, keep hearing term 'crash section' on hear is that different than emer section or same

Have you contacted the birth trauma association? It sounds as though you're struggling to deal with them a bit and it might help to talk through what happened and how you feel now with someone trained. hang on, I'll find a link....

Ah, just seen you on the other thread (was going to nick lulu's link from it!) and read your comment about the nct. The BTA could still be useful though.

never heard of bta, thanks. it was an issue with first had nightmares and flashbacks for months. i was fine after 2nd after the 1st i expected the worse anyway and have been fine since but i was definite i wasnt having anymore kids. but now that i changed my mind a bit worried

crash section = emergency section (I think, that's what I meant anyway), I also had a ga

you can also try systematic desensitisation (google it) to help you deal with any anxieties you are feeling about going through labour/delivery again.

i also totally understand what you mean about wanting to experience a vaginal birth. i felt robbed with ds1.

I have to admit, although I had a vaginal birth, I had an epidural and I feel robbed of the 'sensations' of a natural birth. Maybe I'm mad?

Do you think you've changed your mind because at some, possibly subconscious level, you are desperate to experience a 'normal' birth? (Got my amateur psychologist hat on tonight!) Tell me to shut up if I'm talking rubbish .

Think changed mind as with new patner, my xh- father to 2ds turned out to b a pig(thats the short story) he wasnt good with the kids and has not seen them 4 2yrs. my dp has no kids of his own and is brillant with my boys he plays with them all the time and they absolutely adore him. it just feels right and natural for us to have one and experince that together. he really worried about me having one but i keep brushing it off saying everything will be fine

Message withdrawn

No reall advice as to O, but

Elective section = planned in advance and carried out before a woman goes into labour

Emergency Section = woman has started labour,decision made in labour, but need not be carried out immediately - time for spinal if necessary etc.

Crash section = as quick as bloody possible as mother and/or baby at risk

An ex-midwife I know said she had seen a crash section where they went from making the decision to having baby out in 6 minutes. That's fast.

Thanks madstar, so i had a crash section, never heard that term b4 came on ere

I missed my DDs birth due to crash section.

For the second, my DS, I opted for elective section so that I could at least experience being awake and able to hold him just after birth, even if I didn't actually labour and push him out myself. His birth, that second section, was extremely emotional and positive and almost everything I'd hoped a birth could be.

Of course in some ways I feel I've missed out by never having a vaginal birth, but at the same time feel so unbelievably lucky and blessed to have had two babies who survived - who probably wouldn't have in another day and age.

I understand completely what you are saying about "missing" your child's birth - neither DH or I were truly present when our firstborn came into the world and it still bothers me, daily, 7 years later - but I do think it may be unhelpful to be craving something (a vaginal birth) that, ultimately,isn't the be-all and end-all of being a parent.

orangehead, I've had three sections. My first was a crash under a ga - they had ten minutes' to get dd1 out and we are so lucky that she is here. My second two were planned sections - dd2 was breech and after two sections I didn't want to try for a vaginal delivery. Also, my planned sections were actually wonderful experiences. I did a birth plan each time - you can ask for your abby to be handed to you (or dp if you can't hold lo) with meconium on like in a vaginal delivery, you can ask to discover the sex for yourselves, some are happy for dp to cut the cord and for the screen to be down so you can see the delivery if that is your thing. Both times I slept with a special blanket for a week before the birth so that my babies could be wrapped up in my scent as soon as possible. You can opt for skin-to-skin in Recovery with bfeeding asap. Recovery from a planned section is also much quicker and you need much less pain relief. A planned section may give you the best of both worlds - a safe delivery for your baby but also the feeling that you are in control.

thanks everyone

orangehead, I had an emergency section with ds3 as had placenta praevia and lost loads of blood. Worse, he was born at 32 weeks and was whisked off to NICU straight away so I didn't even get to see him till the next day. MIL actually held his little hand before I did! But having said that, all that really matters is that he was born, was healthy and we both lived to tell the tale. There are other ways to bond than the birth process itself.

i know i feel so lucky that i have my two wonderful boys esp as i lost 3 babies (mc) b4 them, which is why part of me thinks maybe i should just stay at 2.
anybody had a good labour after 2 bad ones?

btw i am seriously considering a planned section if i do have another, i would just rather not but that not important

Orangehead, I haven't read the other posts and my information relates to the 1970s (mostly). My Mum had my brother and I by C Section (GA) after very long labours.

When I was booked in for my Elective C Section, she told me that my little brother and sister's births (both elective C sections) were like going on holiday compared to the first 2 births.

She was right.

Pssst wilkie, the only difference is that it bloody hurts more! You've missed nothing worth feeling, IMHO.