Terrified of dying and leaving DD

[Winter2019]

Some of u might feel I'm being dramatic but this is how I genuinely feel most days..
I'm due end of December with our second child. DD is 3 and a half. My first labour was really long and hard as I know many first labours are. I think in olden days I would've very possibly died. Never thought I'd risk going through it again but here I am.. I was scared first time round but this time it's different kind of scared. Just the thought of dying and leaving dd has me in tears every time. I even feel like she's been more loving towards me lately and I question if she can feel I will die. Am I being crazy?! I don't even know what I really want from this thread. I know nobody knows what will happen and anything can happen to anyone any day.. Anyway, thanks for listening, mumsnetters

Oh OP, you will be fine. You’re experiencing anxiety - no more or less than that. Probably a whole mash up of hormones and worries brought on by remembering your previous birth experience.

You won’t die, she’s probably being extra loving because she senses you’re worried.

Anxiety is a bastard but that’s what it is - there’s zero truth in your fear. You’ll be right Have you shared your fears with anyone in RL? Sometimes airing them can help evaporate fears.

I think you should talk to your midwife about this
Your dd being more loving will be because she knows you are going to bring her a new baby brother or sister...or perhaps she senses your upset and is being extra kind. I can promise you she doesn't feel you will die. Little children don't think like that.
This fear will impact your emotional health if you don't get some help. Your next labour will probably be easier than your first, that's usually the case, but nothing is certain with labour (or with life come to that)
Don't let your anxiety spoil what should be a lovey exciting time for you and your little girl. Your mw can help, or if you won't be seeing her for ages try your HV or GP.

I felt like this with my second pregnancy. It's probably fear of having a difficult birth again and actually being aware of the consequences.

When I had DS1 I had a horrible birth, scary emergency c-section etc and I honestly wasn't bothered. I was off my face on pain relief to be fair. But when they got DS out I remember thinking it didn't matter what happened to me because DS was safe.

I was terrified when I had DS2 of the same happening and having to leave my DC behind. I was so scared of something happening that I made DH take loads of pictures so my DC would know what I looked like. As it was, my second c-section was absolutely perfect and DS and I were fine.

You're not mad.
I felt very anxious when DC were babies and very young.
I had intrusive fearful thoughts re.dying & leaving them and it limited where I went/how I travelled I also had to check/double check everything.
GP said my fears had escalated and had triggered OCD. (Not the washing hands kind).
Talk to your GP and explain how anxious you feel. Don't let it progress.

Thanks everyone for your replies! I appreciate it. I have said this to my husband too, he's obviously just saying, don't worry, nothing's gonna happen, it will be better this time round, etc... I have had anxiety, intrusive thoughts before, this just feels different. I'm dreading it but the same time I can't wait for the day to come and for it to be over.

Your DD can tell that you're anxious, so she's being extra affectionate.
I can really relate to the way you're feeling, it's a horrible mix of fatigue, anxiety and hormones. Hang on in there.

I have a MH issue, including during pregnancy and about my second birth, and got help for anxiety affecting me daily intrusive thoughts, which did help a lot. Also accepted the fear and that there was a limited amount could do, tried to do what I could, and find distractions, or sleep!

Your H can’t guarantee a better experience this time, or your or DC’s safety, but the odds are very good!

A friend lent a book called Blooming Birth, which had a good chapter on this.

Just try to be kind to yourself for this last bit of your pregnancy and when the thoughts arise, find that inner witness, that other voice, and say to yourself, “This is anxiety. Nothing more or less. It will pass.” Name it, reduce it. It’s anxiety, there is no truth to it. It will always pass.

Connect to that other part within you that knows and can see that it’s just your fears peaking sometimes, then fading away again.

OP I was scared about not making it through the labour too.
Your DD is probably more loving at the moment as she knows very soon she will have a new sibling and maybe senses you are a bit down . When I was in labour these thoughts disappeared I was more focused on my pain