Petrified of labour

[Saraht35]

First baby due in February, I am so scared of going into labour, it keeps me awake at night.
I can only imagine we are all scared, how did you get through it?

Visits in hospital? Family and friends or wait til your home and settled?
Not sure I want everyone at the hospital after going through labour when I'm so scared of it.

Just looking for advice and what worked for you.

Thanks 😊

Hypno birthing. The positive birth company digital pack is about £30 and it’s brilliant. Do it and you’ll be more informed and more relaxed going into labour.

Another vote for the Positive Birth Company digital pack. We are conditioned from a young age that labour and birth is this Big Scary Thing that we should be terrified of, but that’s really not the case. It’s about learning the science behind what is actually happening with your body, and reframing your mind into a positive mindset that you can cope with it.

As for visits, you don’t need to decide that now. It depends how long you’re staying in hospital for I guess. When I had my eldest, we were in for about 24 hours. My parents came to visit just before we were discharged but no one else came to hospital. I’ve just had our second child, born at home, a week ago, and again my parents came to see us within 24 hours of her being born but we’ve not yet had any other visitors. We took baby to my in-laws for them to meet her after a few days. There is no right or wrong. If you don’t want people to visit you in hospital then that’s your call and they should respect your wishes.

Definitely look into the Positive Birth Company though, that’s what you need to start with.

Don't be scared.

Look at a calendar. Labour lasts about a day or so, the most intensive bit probably only a few hours. Then it's over and every following day has a child in it. Forever.

I had a home birth. It helped a lot with the fears, but I’ll be honest - it still hurt a lot and I was scared at moments in it.

One thing that helped me was knowing that I didn’t have to do anything. My baby would be born whether I was scared or not, so in a way I didn’t have to be brave.

As a Christian I was helped hugely by prayer (before and during labour) and meditation on God’s promises. Maybe hypnobirthing is a sort of secular equivalent?

Another vote for the positive birth company. They do free YouTube videos in case you want a taster before parting with any cash.

Obviously everyone has a different experience but if it helps you to know this - it's quite common for labour to be a build up rather than sudden intense pain. I spent the first 4 hours of my 16 hour labour wondering whether I was actually in labour or if it was a false alarm! So lots of time to mentally prepare get get used to the pain as it got worse (so not the big, dramatic starts that you see in the movies!).

We didn't have any visitors for the first ten days or so but then everyone is different.

You'll do great, good luck.

This is going to sound trite, but honestly by the time it gets to February you’ll be so desperate to meet your baby (and not be pregnant) that the mechanics of exactly how they come out will feel less important than they do to you now.

Ditto recommendations for the PBC pack.

Re visitors, if all is straightforward then you’ll only be in for a matter of hours or possibly overnight depending on what time of day you give birth so no time for visitors really anyway. If you have a longer stay you can decide at the time whether you’re bored and want company or just want the time in peace to rest and recover - you can’t predict these things so just tell everyone that you need to see how you feel and you’ll let them know. There are so many different possible births that people can’t expect you to make a firm decision in advance.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Yep positive birth company again. Totally changed my outlook on labour and even though I did 23 hours and had an emcs I felt in control and knew what my body was doing and knew how to stay calm x

Hypnobirthing, pregnancy yoga and avoid searching about labour on MN as most posters seems to have horrific 126hr labours resulting in 4th degree tears

Another person recommending the positive birth company. My first labour and birth was awful, really one of the worst experiences and as a result I had to have mental health counselling and support throughout my second pregnancy.
I did the PBC digital pack and that, alongside birth afterthoughts provided by the hospital meant that I happily and confidently gave birth to my second last week.
Cannot speak more highly of it!

Tokophobic here, and again would recommend the PBC digital pack. I got myself to the stage where I actually felt I could embrace a physiological birth and be okay with it. Baby has had different ideas though so I'm now booked in for ELCS next week and won't be able to test it out. That said, it has also given me ways to keep myself calm that have helped so far with various things like blood tests, etc, and will no doubt also help when it comes to the eviction date!

Yes do the positive birth company pack! I wasn’t scared at all after it -
I was actually looking forward to labour. The birth was intense but amazing (natural birth no pain relief apart from gas and air) and I would do it again tomorrow!

Read a book that goes into detail about the different stages of birth, join an antenatal class (NCT is good as staffed by mums and so you do tend to get real experiences of different types of birth plus lots of information).

Hypnobirthing and positive birth company are great I agree. But tokophobia is a real thing and you have the right to ask for a C Section if you feel that would be better to help you cope.

Epidural

When it comes to it it just happens. Read up and be aware of your options. You can't control things - just go with the flow. It is pretty awful but as others have said, it's soon over and you have a lovely baby. Be aware it may well take 6-12 weeks before you feel like your old self afterwards - but you will still enjoy life during those weeks

If it helps I was expecting to be in so
Much more pain than I was ... it’s not great I won’t sugar coat it but honestly your body runs on instinct I was lucky my contractions started at 4:30am and had the baby by 5:33pm ... it was quick it was intense but it wasnt as bad as I thought... I have had gallstones and it’s a similar pain except I have had that for a week at a time ,I am aware every labour is different though

Don’t read any more stories about it ... prepare for a long birth but what will be will be.

I had a birthing ball, and my maternity tens machine they helped massively with pain.

Is it the pain though or is there something else worrying you?

If it helps, I started a thread recently in the 'Ask Me Anything' section (sorry I don't know how to link on app) about my tokophobia (extreme phobia of childbirth).

There might be some useful stuff in there for OP and others.

I was terrified for my first and hypnobirthing really helped to calm me down and enjoy my pregnancy.

I was petrified of labour too, to the point where I considered an elective c section. I really recommend the positive birth book too and hypnobirthing.

What also really helped me (but doesn't work for everyone - depends on personality type) and made me less anxious was to inform myself as much as possible about all kinds of births and medical interventions. I made sure I understood how to minimise the risks of things going off piste (e.g. staying very active and fit in pregnancy helps ensure the baby is in a good position for birth) and worked on accepting that labour is a physiological process where you just have to go with the flow and have little control over. Being very informed and understanding what was going on was key for me to feel calm in labour as was hypnobirthing.

I'd consider hiring a doula also, as studies have shown having one with you leads to more positive births with fewer medical interventions including lower rates of instrumental deliveries.

I was financially able to employ a private midwife instead (a lot more expensive than a doula) for pre and post natal care as well as to be there for me during the birth (common in London so hospitals there are used to it - outside London it might be worth asking). We spend more on this than our very cheap wedding and we thought it was money well spend.

Our little girl is two weeks old and despite birth going a little off piste and some heavy handed staff, I'm absolutely not traumatised by my labour and managed to push her out on my own despite the consultant wanting to do an episiotomy and ventouse. I had a very small secondary tear that's almost healed and recovering very well. I could have panicked and had a much worse outcome as well as psychological trauma if I hadn't prepared myself as much as possible.

I think it’s worth remembering that it is perfectly normal to be scared of giving birth, no matter how much hypnobirthing you do. It’s normal to be scared of what will happen, especially when having your first.

So be kind to yourself.

Try not to scared..save that for when the teenage years loom😁 you will be fine, its never as scary as you imagine..come feb you will be desperate to meet little one.

Pregnancy yoga breathing excercises helped me through first 12 hrs of labour, epidural and patience the rest. Don't listen to horror stories, people will be keen to tell you how traumatic/awful/ etc etc it was. Instead, read the positive stories and go in with an open mind.