Am I being rude/selfish?

[Lxx16]

Apologies, this may be a long one.

I am currently expecting my first and due in January. I have discussed a slight birthing plan with my OH and we have agreed that it will just be me and him at the hospital. I'm low risk and have an amazing midwife who is a friend and will be delivering our baby (if she isn't delivering another at that moment in time!)
I have just found out his family (mum, stepdad, dad and stepmum) are expecting to be there too. Having spoken to my own mum, she fully respects my wishes and understands why I don't want a fuss at the hospital.
I'm not touchy feely, I don't deal well with fuss and attention and I also have slight pre-natal depression.

I have said they are more than welcome to our home once we get there but I don't want anyone at the hospital. My OH agrees but hasn't got the balls to tell them yet. My fear is, it will be too late.

Am I being selfish by taking this experience away from them too? Did you want your in laws at the birth?! Thanks xx

YANBU. Just had my second and we didn't have anyone to visit for a week. I gave birth at 2am, didn't get discharged to the ward until 6am and had been awake for 24 hours. Was absolutely nackered. I had afterpains and stitches and just didn't want to talk to anyone... Plus the amount of check ups you get on your first day in hospital, it's much easier if people aren't there.
I refused anyone in hospital for my first aswell, except my mum came once I was cleaned up etc. My MIL came of her own accord and immediately started telling me how I can latch child better (the longest she breast fed fot was 6 weeks, 20 years ago) it was so bloody annoying.
Just do what you want, if people want to be annoyed they can but you need to think of yourself.
Whilst learning to latch this baby when I was eventually discharged home I was mainly just sat there topless all day, because I could basically!! Can't do that when oyjer people are there

I’m pissed off for you OP. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what’s best for you and baby when the time comes, and afterwards too. Day trips indeed !

Ffs do people honestly think hospitals have endless rooms for extended family to wait in while babies are being born. Tell them not to be so ridiculous.

Never told people when I was in labour always told after the fact. I was lucky that with my second an third I went into labour when the other kids were away with grandparents (Easter holidays and a half term) so I didn't need to call anyone to look after bigger kids.

Tell them after baby is born or even after you are back home. I only had visitors at hospital with my first because I was kept in for three days afterwards. But even then it wasn't loads at once and they all checked with me / DH first if I was up for it.

Your DH needs to put you first and tell his family not to be ridiculous.

OP you got to get this under control now. If OH won’t say anything then you need to set the expectations now.

• i need to labour alone (with Oh) to give me and the baby the best chance of a positive birth
• don’t tell them when you are in labour and don’t rush to tell them once baby is here. Leave it till the next day. Show them that they are not top priority
• you don’t have to let them hold the baby if you don’t want to. If they ask just say baby isn’t ready to go to new people yet. Or just say baby needs - fed, slept etc. Be assertive.
• explain (easier if you are Bf) that baby won’t be alone with anyone else for many months and likely not to go on day trips without its mother till it’s 1 or 2 years old.
• tell them you don’t want drop in visits and they must confirm with you beforehand.
• don’t be afraid to just go to your room with baby when they visit.

The birth - just say no. Tell the midwife and no one else will get in. At home, my MiL, who I love dearly, came for a week and it was horrible my baby had been in Scbu and I needed the time. She needed meals and just literally wanted to hold the baby, just say no.

No! My mum and oh was there with our 1st and my mum done my bloody head in. She kept nearly ripping my line out my hand because she wasnt paying any attention to where she was walking, kept grabbing at my hand when my oh wasnt in the room, so trying to contract AND beat her off me and then she actually leant on my leg with her full weight (i have SPD aswell) when she was chatting to the midwife. She looked disappointed when i said its just me and my oh this time but i nearly killed her last time. Ive told my OH i want a good few hours if not a day or two if we can manage it before having anyone over as well when she comes home x

What drama llamas they seem to be! It's probably all about how long they had to wait in hospital yada yada rather than just coming to visit when invited once you're home like a normal person. Your dh needs to step up and tell them to back off.
I was in hospital for 7 days when I had my son, induced on Saturday, then again Sunday and had my waters broken on Tuesday and he finally came on Wednesday.... will they truly be waiting around that long if need be?
I swear people think giving birth is like it is in the movies and happens so quickly and you're all perky after when it truly isn't in most cases.

It's like this.
When you are in hospital to give birth, you are the most important person in your world.
Just at that moment, YOU get what YOU want unless it's medically unadvised.
That means you decide who is at the birth and who can visit later.
Just for once, your OH must follow your instructions. It may not happen again, so make the most of it.