How much choice will I really have about the kind of birth I have?????

[MrsTittleMouse]

This is also relating to my painful episiotomy scar, but I thought I'd start another thread as it's a whole other can of worms. I forgot to ask my GYN what would happen to my episiotomy scar if I get pregnant again (through fertilty treatment, so sex is not an issue!). So I went to the GP today to discuss it. She was really evasive and made "when you're pregnant" and "wait until 36 weeks and see" noises. What I want would be to see a specialist really early to decide whether the scar could cope and then possibly book me in for an elective C section at 38 weeks. I'd also like to speak to the MW to make sure that I could be treated with a bit more care and attention.
I told the GP that that was the problem that I had with birth number 1. I had told everyone all along that I did NOT want an instrumental birth unless DD was in SEVERE and IMMEDIATE danger, but everyone did the wait and see thing. Then DD was stuck, and I was bullied into instrumental delivery, and now I have this dreadful scar. So the last thing I want is to wait and see! I'm also concerned that not only am I going to spend months of the pregnancy in a state of extreme anxiety, but that fertility treatment is not going to be very successful in the first place if I have high stress levels.
So, will I really have a choice about the birth, or do I have to have a nervous breakdown first???

you have EVERY choice. honestly. take a look at aims.org.uk - there is a booklet called 'am i allowed' which is great. your episiotomy scar should not be a problem at all. (i had a 3rd degree tear from ds1 and had ds2 11months later without a prob - no tears and scsar was fine)

also take a look at homebirth.org.uk - under 'why i cant have a homebirth' - thi sgoes through a list of reasons ppl are told they arent 'allowed' a homebirth - although you havent mentioned that - its great info on this site.

good luck. if i can be of anymore help please just mail/cat me.

Cx

Have you said all this to your gp and mw? If not, you should-playing up on the anxiety bit and do your best to burst into tears-ime it can help...

I am afraid I dont have first hand experience if birth after epi, but based on the type of thing i have read on here, I think you will have real choice.

I think it is a little pointless (dont mean that as it sounds) to worry about the birth now, just focus on conceiving.

When it comes to things like this I think that if you persist enough then they will let you have what you want. I think once you are pregnant they will listen to your concerns seriously and I very much doubt that they will refuse you fi it is clear that is how you want it.

That's the trouble, it was the blooming GP who told me to wait and see!
I always thought that I did have choice, until I was in labour and it was obvious that the OB was not going to give me a C section, even though I had pushed for 2 hours and DD was stuck (not in the birth canal, higher up). As far as he was concerned he was going to give me an instumental delivery and that was it, so he just argued until the pain was so bad that I'd have signed anything to make it stop.
He laughed at me too. Bastard. As though I was a silly child to want to avoid vaginal scarring, and not an intelligent medically-savvy 30-something woman who had done all the research about the risks of sections, and who knew that the women in my family (both sides) have a history of very bad scarring after childbirth.

MrsTitleMouse - that is awful. I think the best thing then is just to make sure you get the right care. I know that you can change midwives etc if you are not happy and assume the same for consultants until you find one who is happy to support your decisions. Or what about Private Care - long shot but perhaps it is within your remit, or independant midwife altho not sure if these work quite so well in hospital as I have only seen them used in home births or a doula to fight your corner, although a doula would leave it until much nearer the time which i think you are trying to avoid.

Sorry to hear you had such a horrible time the first time I am expecting my first and am trying to have some control over the birth by employing a doula to help DH and I during labour.

Didn't have a good afternoon. As well as stressing about next (hypothetical) birth, DD wouldn't settle down or cheer up herself. It's not her fault, bless her, as she's teething all four top incisors at once, but she's refusing to use any of the high-tech teethers I bought and prefers to take chunks out of me instead...
Anyway, when DH came home, he put DD to bed so that I could have a break, and has told me that I will have an elective section, or he will personally floor the OB. Hurray for grumpy no-nonsense DH!

I was left with an unstitched episiotomy which took 1.5 years to heal and an unstitched internal tear with DS1 which has never healed fully. This was after an instrumental delivery which was horrific.

When pregnant with DS2 I was referred to see a consultant to discuss options for the birth. They advised a c-section as the consultant was concerned about further damage. However I wanted a home birth as I was terrified of giving birth in hospital and in particular of another instrumental delivery. At first they would not agree to this, but after some firm words by my husband they agreed to a home birth.

As I was v scared of giving birth I used a hypnobirthing CD every day for the last 3 months which really helped me stay calm.

During the birth things did not go to plan (my blood pressure dropped) and I was transferred to hospital. I had a natural birth fortunately. Everything tore back open again and had to be restitched, but somehow everything has healed really well this time and my DS2 is only 2 months old.

I am still traumatised by my 1st birth and being pregnant for a second time was stressful.

Good luck and I hope things work out and you get your csection.

mrstittlemouse I don't know what to say. I am in a similar situation. I have ended up with a chronic pain problem, and am terrified of having another. At the moment it's a moost issue as sex is impossible (sorry if TMI). For me the issue is being able to trust the system again. I don't think I can even consider a vaginal delivery, but at least it has helped that I saw a colorectal specialist who has written a strong recommendation that next baby is delivered by CS. Having specialist opinions can only help.

Find another GP who is more supportive about what you have been through, and what you want next time. Also discuss these issues with specialists at the fertility clinic, they may be able to offer some good advice or referrals. Don't be bullied by the medical profession (I had to push for 13 months before I got decent help and pain relief!). Tell them what you want and don't take no for an answer. Take your hubby along for support, he sounds awesome!

sorry, a MOOT issue!

Thanks for your support. I know that one of my biggest problems is that I have no trust at all in the medical profession now. They can say anything they want during my (hypothetical!) pregnancy, but I won't believe it until it comes to the crunch and they aren't bullying me again. (I should probably add here that the first GYN I saw after the birth was a bully too, not just the OB, I really do wonder why they choose these specialities when they seem to have no respect at all for women ). DH is most concerned that it doesn't matter how lovely and supportive everyone is, now that the trust has gone, he'll have a neurotic wife for 9 months. There's not a lot I can say against that, he might well be right.
Should also add that DH is indeed awesome, but he's also feeling quite guilty at the moment, which is the main reason he's going to insist on a section for me "next time". I tried to coach him before the birth to push for a C section instead of instrumental delivery (if I was in no fit state to do so for myself, which is what happened), but when push came to shove (quite literally!), he sided with the doctor because he was scare that DD was going to die. DD was fine, but with everything that I was going through, I suppose it's understandable that he was concerned about what it was doing to DD.

I guess all I can offer is my support and understanding. I guess that you try and find a private ob/gyn who is sympathetic and is happy to perform a CS and is honest up front about it all.

I have been told by one pain specialist that all the hormones of pregnancy can help with pain in scarring from previous delivery - but I can't help but think what if it doesn't and I am more pain from the pressure on the pelvic floor!? I just don't know how to trust them enough to consider it at the moment. I am hoping the psych treatment can help me work through these issues or DS will be an only child. Not something I want for him.

Good luck! this is difficult, but there must be some way through it.