Failed VBAC

[pancakes22]

DS was born 4 months ago. I was desperate for a VBAC this time round but despite getting to 10cm I got wheeled round for emergency section as his heart rate went down. I am so bitterly disappointed with how the whole experience went. I didn't get to do anything that I thought I would this time round. No epidural, no pool, no getting to know the midwives and having that supportive feeling in any shape or form. Everything was rushed and panicked and unsupported. This is our last baby and even 4 months on I just can't shake the disappointed and even though I didn't think about it for a couple of months I am now finding myself randomly cry imagining the birth or imagining how it should have been and insanely jealous of anyone who has a hands off natural birth. I was even considering going into maternity care but I now worry I'm just going to be too selfishly caught up in my own regrets to be happy for those you do get a wonderful birth which I am ashamed to admit. I suppose I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there who has had two emergency sections who wanted a natural birth who struggles with not having that experience and may perhaps have any advice for getting over it? I know I should be happy for my beautiful son but I just can't help this grief for that birth experience I wanted.

Yes I know how you feel nearly lost DD at birth resulting in a EMC so wanted a "natural birth"had been going to yoga so had no pain relief during any contractions felt like I could do it and when that didn't happen I felt like a failure DH were traumatised spoke to midwife at the time who told me forget it now your both here-felt like I couldn't turn for help tried to with several docs who couldn't do anything as I wasnt currently pregnant slowly got over it which took 4years 2nd planned pregnancy spoke to a new midwife about it who apologised for no aftercare for me and referred me straight away to a choices clinic who were incredibly helpful and supportive lady explained to me that I did the best thing I couldn't do in the circumstances to deliver my child safely into this world. She did referre me to another clinic to help with trauma during labour to which I refused as I had accepted it and re-living it again would bring back memories....all I can say to you is that you cant control and plan everything even though we like to think we can and you aren't a failure to yourself or your child please seek the help from your midwife team and your GP if they're helpful hope this helps and you are not alone xx

Thank you and I'm sorry for your experience. Im pleased they offered you help xx

I'm hopefully attempting a VBAC this time round (currently 37 weeks) and imagine feeling very similar to you if things don't go to plan. I felt disappointed for a long time after my c-section but knewi wanted another so would have a second chance.

You can request you hospital notes and file and have a meeting with a midwife to discuss them. It might help you a little to talk through why each decision was made and come to peace with it a bit xx