Scared to do it again

[PhoebeBear]

I'm a mum to a 2 month old lb, he's amazing and I'm loving every moment of it. Now, not that I'm planning on becoming pregnant again so soon but when the time comes I would like to extend my family I'm TERRIFED of the birth.
I had such an awful experience (24 hour labour, pushed for 2 hours which resulted in a prolapse, forceps delivery with second degree tear and infected episiotomy, 4 litre blood loss)
I've only just stared to be able to walk around properly now from the prolapse which left me in so much pain doing daily tasks and I couldn't even take my son out in the pram without me struggling to stand.
I know not all labours are the same but I'm struggling to imagine a better one next time around. Has anyone had similar experiences? Just need a little reassuring. I'm not sure I could go through it all again

My first birth was a prolonged and very painful back-to-back labour (70+ hours). It was stupidly busy at the hospital and my midwife was trying to take care of four different women simultaneously. After loads of interventions baby got distressed so I was rushed to theatre for episiotomy and forceps, and DH couldn't cope so he wouldn't come with me, so missed DS being born. DS was whisked away from me while I got stitched up so I didn't get to see him for half an hour. Then the postnatal ward was crazy hot, incredibly busy, noisy and understaffed, so basically no care, and no chance to rest or sleep, so I was delirious with exhaustion and it took them another 36 hours to discharge us because the computers all went down. Believe me, I didn't want to repeat the experience!

I've just had my daughter and it could not have been a more different birth. Beautiful calm water birth, at home, 4.5 hours from start to finish, no pain relief - I felt like a warrior goddess!!

I used the Positive Birth Company digital pack and that made so much difference to how I felt about giving birth, and helped me understand what had gone wrong first time round. Have you asked your hospital for a birth reflections session to talk through your labour and understand what happened and why? That might give you more reassurance that it's unlikely to happen the same way twice.

In your position I’d discuss an elective Caesarian (under spinal, so you’re awake and pain free to see your baby arrive) with the consultant obstetrician managing your case. The strain of pushing during a second vaginal delivery would be the last thing you need after a prolapse, quite apart from the anxiety and trauma you have been left with after such a horrendous experience.

My first (75 hours of back labour, first contraction hurt as much as the last even though I went into labour on my own and ended up on the drip, pushing, failed forceps and an emcs I hallucinated through) put me off having another for quite a while.

Dc2's arrival was totally different even though she also arrived by emcs. It was a much more relaxed, chilled out affair and I actually felt a part of the process rather than it being something done to me.

I think time helps. It took me until ds was 2 before I could even contemplate a second. I got pregnant when he was 2 and a half and even then I had some major wobbles. I second a debrief, being able to talk through what happened and how I felt helped in a couple of ways. I also can't fault the support my consultant gave me the second time around.

My first labour was a big pile of shite. Was terrified of doing it again, took me 15 years to contemplate it. Even talking about my first birth with the midwife reduced me to tears 15 years later!

Second birth was textbook. Wanted a water birth but the little guy had other plans. Established labour was just over 3 hours. Second stage was 4 minutes! Had gas and air, a second degree tear and was out as soon as midwife could discharge us. Healed well and would do it again in a heartbeat.

I totally get your thoughts; I had a 50 hour back to back labour, 2 hours pushing, forceps, prolapse, infected episiotomy, 2 other second degree tears and a 2litre blood loss. Kept in a week after baby was born for transfusions etc.

Sorry to be a pedant but we only have 4-4.5 litres of blood in our body so you couldn't possibly have lost 4 litres.

If I have another I know I want to try my hardest for a vaginal delivery, I weirdly feel like I'd love to deliver that way after so many interventions in my first labour (induced, many many hormones & drugs) but if you feel so strongly, definitely push for an elective c section. You know at least what the delivery will be like. But do speak to people who have had c sections to get the real low down about post section recovery.

Sorry, Turnthebiglightoff, but you’re wrong about blood loss. If a patient is actively bleeding as fast as we are transfusing them, they can lose several times their total circulating volume! My own record was 34 units (about 17 litres) in a major trauma case.

Sorry @Babdoc - I presumed there was no transfusing at the time as post partum bleeds are usually spontaneous. Apologies if this was during bloods being given.

I had a horrible first birth - waters broke at 37 weeks but nothing at all happened, not even a twinge. Was induced by drip so labour went from 0- 100 at record speed! Pushed for 2 hours but baby wasn't having it at all, failed ventouse, forceps got him out & I was left with a 3b tear. I remember saying to my husband there was no was on earth I could ever do that again. I was fortunate that I healed really fast & well but I was also worried about 2nd time round.
When I got pregnant with our second 15 months later my midwife was so reassuring that there was no reason for the same thing to happen & that all should be fine. I had the most perfect, relaxing, empowering water birth just a few days before my due date & only a small tear.
I went into my first labour utterly clueless about what I could do to help myself during labour, second time I did a one off 3 hour hypnobirthing type course which made me feel so much more in control & gave me the confidence to know I could do it.
I have no idea how it would have turned out had I not done this but I really feel it helped & my confidence that there was no reason the same would happen again definitely played a part.
Good luck for whenever you decide to have number 2

My first was psychologically traumatic but not physically, well not majorly so. Second time I insisted on the knowm midwife scheme (different country so different set up). I explained how awful the first was and when nr 2 wasnt going to plan I heard hr briefing the dr that I need to actively give consent. So whilst nr 2 was physically worse I feel much better about it.