Do I have my babies father at the labour?

[Omaribp1]

Me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago, we are both young parents to be and we were each others first love (we'd also been together for 4 years) I am still in love with him I feel like my feelings are never going to die for him especially now we are having a child together. Since we've split I haven't enjoyed my pregnancy whatsoever and that makes me so upset because I just want to be happy for my lil one and I dont think thatll be possible until he enters the world. I am due in under 3 weeks.

Him on the other hand seems to be living his best life, not having a care in the world for me. When we initially broke up we didnt speak for about a month, he said he hated me called me every name under the sun and didnt want to speak to me until the baby arrived. Then we started to talk but it's been up and down for the past 3 months as I've started to find things out about him which he has denied to the fullest and made out like I'm paranoid and I "look too into things". I understand he is now single but all I wanted and I made it clear was to atleast have some respect for me whilst I was still carrying his baby and then he can do as he pleases after. He said he would never sleep with someone else whilst i was pregnant and made out like I was crazy to even ask him that.

Hes been constantly liking other females pictures on facebook which bothers me because I just have no interest in any other guys. I had his SC location turned on and he was in a hotel, claimed he was with his friend cos they'd been out drinking and his friend didnt wanna drive home so they crashed in a hotel. The following day we met up to chat about things moving forward with our son and we left things on a high note. That same night he went to another girls house and tried to order food forgetting it was my details on the just eat so it come through to my phone. Went to the address and he was there and that's when everything I'd been "looking to into" and being "paranoid" about just clarified itself for me. He got nasty and started making horrible comments. I was heartbroken how could he do this to me whilst I'm carrying his child. This then led me to believe he actually stayed in the hotel with that girl. Out of sight out of mind for him I guess, and I wish that could be the case for me but I'm carrying his baby and this is why hes acting like he is because he knows I cant go out and have fun.

He hasn't bought anything for the baby not even any nappies. He hasn't been there, he doesn't check on me, his family dont check on me they're all for him, yet hes demanding hes going to take me to court once the babies here to get rights. I dont even want him at the labour cos the way I see it is he hasn't had no care for the baby whilst I've carried it so why should he deserve to see him enter the world. But then I dont want to spite my son by doing so, I have a good heart and I am too caring that's the issue. And as for the taking me to court comment that really upset me I never wanted it to lead to that as I grew up without my dad in my life so I made it clear that it didnt have to go to that extent. But hes adamant hes taking me to court (which realistically I know he cant afford it's an empty threat) he said hes looked into it all and I said I just wont put you on the birth certificate. He said I'm unable to do that hell still get rights blah blah blah.. but as far as I was aware if he wasnt on the BC court wont be able to do anything if he did try to take me.

Hes hurt me massively at a time I've needed him the most and sees no wrong in his actions his excuse is that "hes single" which yeah he is but I wanted him to have respect for me whilst I'm pregnant but hes told me he has no respect for me and wishes i wasnt carrying his child.

What should I do. Do I allow him to be at the labour even after all the madness that's gone off? And how does it work as far as not putting him on the BC, everyones advised me to not do it because he will get rights straight away.

I know once my child is here I honestly won't have a care for him. But it's all raw, I'm stressed over it all, constantly getting upset about the situation, losing sleep. It's the first thing I think about in a morning and the last thing on my mind before I sleep. I just wanted to enjoy my pregnancy but that's not been the case at all. I just want happiness.

Help!

similar situation here with my baby's dad. I won't be having him at the birth, my mum will be there. the stress he causes me will make it even harder if he was there.

I said he can visit after, but I don't want to see him during labour at all

maybe this would work for you too? do you have someone who can go instead of him?

God no. You'll be at your most vulnerable giving birth, you need someone there that can support you.

I think you need to break this down

1. You do not need to have him at the birth if you do not want him there.
2. You have split and he can have another relationship and like other girls. You being pregnant has no bearing on that.
3. It would be nice if he got stuff for the baby, but make him aware you will be claiming maintenance once the baby is born. If you know his income you can check the CMS calculator to work out how much it should be.

Don't have him there. He has no right to be. You are going to be very vulnerable and in pain and don't need someone that clearly has no respect for you in the room. If you have a birthing partner it should be someone that is all about supporting you and ensuring your welfare. That isn't him. You're also upset just thinking about him, so having him in the room is going to make you feel very stressed which isn't going to help the situation and good ultimately make the labour harder.

If you don't put him on the birth certificate he will have to go to court to get parental rights before he can then apply for access. It won't stop him ultimately getting access but it will slow him down and cost him money.

Definitely make sure he pays maintenace, via the CMS if necessary.

Don't have him at the birth. You need to be as relaxed and comfortable as possible in labour and able to focus on your body and your baby. Having him there sounds like the last thing you need.
I think it will be better if you can stop tracking him online, delete his details from any shared accounts etc and accept that his private life has nothing to do with you anymore, just as yours has nothing to do with him. You need to keep contact strictly baby-related and as civil as you can, for the baby's sake.
The best thing you can do now is forget about him and focus on you and your baby - get as much support as you can from your friends and family, make sure you've got everything you need ready to go, and get plenty of rest, relaxing baths etc.

The birth is not about the baby. Labour is hard, undignified, scary, emotional, overwhelming, unpredictable and dangerous. You need only people there who are going to be your cheerleader, shoulder to cry on, support and crucially who you feel safe with. He isn't going to be any of that therefore he doesn't get to be there. He can still see his son when he's born - seeing him at a few seconds old is no different from seeing him at a few minutes/hours old, you can send him a message and he can come to the hospital.

You do not have to put him on the birth certificate and in fact it would be more complicated for you to do so as you have to attend the appointment together. However be aware this is not a total block on his claim to parental responsibility - he can still go through court to obtain it and it's not very hard for him to get it. If you contest this they will simply order a DNA test.

He should be aware (he probably isn't) that parents do not have rights towards their children, children are the ones who have rights. Parents have responsibility and so I might be tempted to make him aware that while you can't stop him from applying for PR, he ought to be aware that he's opting in to be responsible for the child until he is 18, making him jointly financially responsible, responsible for making sure he's being looked after correctly, etc. He might run a mile at that...

If he does decide to go for parental responsibility that doesn't mean he will simply get to do whatever he wants. Contact with newborns is little and often, and will be for a long time - he won't get 50/50 immediately. Make sure you know what you are allowed to advocate for WRT your child.

The question is, will his presence be helpful? Only if the answer to that is yes, should he be at the birth. A human is going to exit you. It isn't a social event. Your son will neither know nor care. His best interests are served by you doing what you can to have the safest and easiest birth possible.

My very strong advice to you, is to not have him at the birth and dont put him on the birth certificate.
You are very bound up in emotions right now and are vulnerable. The last thing you need is him basically being a noose around your neck and trying to take your baby from you or stop you moving away later.

Don't tell him about the birth until afterwards, when you are ready. Don't put him on the birth cert. Don't give the baby his last name.

Minimize contact now. You don't need to contact him about anything. If you have any abusive texts or emails keep them.

If you let him come and see the baby try and have friends or family there too. And don't let him intimidate or threaten you. The baby has rights. The baby will not remember the father being at the birth - does anyone care about that? The baby won't care if the father isn't on the birth cert - I certainly don't and I have a good relationship with my father. Don't be pushed into anything you're not comfortable with.

Re-read your post. Does he sound like a man who is worthy of your love? He left you and repeatedly set out to hurt you at the most vulnerable time of your life. If you were my DD I'd be happy he was gone.

Stop checking up on him. He treated you badly and it makes him a shitty person. That's all you need to know. Let him go and live his life. Focus on what is going to be best for you and your baby.

If there are no concerns about his behaviour it is best for your child that his father is in his life. While the baby is small short visits to your home would be best as long as he is civil to you. If not, he'll have to wait. Your safety comes first.

Don't forget that you need to protect yourself, for your son as well as for your own sake. Don't have him at the birth if he is hostile to you, you don't need a negative environment at that time. He can get himself put on the birth cert but it will cost him. You can get him put on the birth cert at any time for a small fee, but I wouldn't think of doing it until you know how things have settled.