Where has my perineum gone?

[Squashpocket]

Not really, I know where it is. I left it in the delivery room.

It's been over a year since my last child was born, so not expecting any major improvements now.

The issues I have are:

I have no perineum left
I can't run or it feels like my vagina will fall out
I can't feel anything during sex
I can't use tampons
I occasionally leak a bit of wee without feeling it.

Will the GP care? Or is this my life now?

TIA

The GP will care and no, this is not your life now. I've no personal experience but have seen enough threads and comments on here to know that they can mend you!

Sorry to hear this. There is a lot that can be done, and the GP should definitely listen. However, it's well-known that the medical profession often fobs women's problems off. Make sure you are prepared for your appointment: you don't want to feel like this for the rest of your life, so who are they going to refer you to for help? If you do encounter some dinosaur, make another appointment with a different GP. I was fobbed off by a male GP I went to see about pain in my section scar. I made another appointment with a female GP, who examined me and referred me for an ultrasound.

Thank you for your replies. Feeling a bit shit about it today, so I appreciate the sympathy!

So far every health professional I have met throughout 2 pregnancies, births and post-partum periods has taken the view that whatever unpleasant thing is happening is to be expected and tolerated. I stopped asking for help after the first baby.

OMG sorry but that sounds brutal. I’m sorry your experiencing this OP.
When you say where has your perenium gone, do you actually mean there’s no separation from your vag to bum ?
Sorry for the ignorance but I’m genuinely shocked that your left like this

Yes, there's just the skin that you would expect between vagina and rectum on the inside. No skin or muscle underneath at all now.

I don’t think anything you describe is normal or to be expected at all - at least not permenantly. Go back to the GP, and go back again and again and again until someone listens to you. Telling you to put up with that is bollocks, you deserve some proper help with this. It really enraged me that penis problems are taken seriously straight away (viagra was invented decades ago) but broken vaginas are simply seen as collateral damage...

@PuffHuffle5 to be fair to the medical profession I haven't been about this. Just other unpleasant pregnancy related things, which have been dismissed, so just assumed this would be too.

Since the birth I have been to have a coil fitted and the doctor didn't say anything, so I assumed it must be ok?

Problem is I'm now off sex and struggling to manage the ridiculously heavy periods caused by the copper coil. Although I have just discovered the moon cup, which is helping a lot.

Sorry OP I misread and thought you had been to the GP about it already - I’ll calm myself down but definitely go and see someone. The things you describe is something I would expect to deal with immediately after birth or for a few weeks after. Leeking urine is something that many say they struggle with but I’ve heard that even that shouldn’t be seen as ‘normal’. Good luck with this, I hope they give you some help

I'll make a GP appointment and see what they say.

Why does no one tell you about these things? I'm only early 30s, God knows what it'll be like after menopause.

Sounds like you might have a prolapse?

Just to say PLEASE go to see your GP. My mum has suffered like this for years and didn't bother because she thought it was normal. It's not, and you could get help :).

I had similar and had a perenium repair and rectocele repair. It was partially successful. Sometimes the tissues just stretch and weaken. Not sure what the answer is as they are not sure mesh is safe.

When I'm just standing, nothing hangs out of the opening. It did initially, probably for about 6 months after each birth, but everything lifted back up after that. So I assumed no prolapse? I think the problems I have are just because the opening is now massive.

To me, it looks like none of the skin that was covering the entrance to my vagina and that made up my perineum is there anymore. Maybe that's not what it is, but that's what it looks like to me (knowing the before and after iyswim).

@AutumnColours9, sorry to be nosy but can I ask more about your perineum repair? What did it involve? Did you have symptoms with the rectocele?

I've looked up rectocele and I don't know if it's that. I can feel the pressure from both my bladder and rectum on the inside of my vagina when I'm standing, but I haven't got any issues with faecal continence and the urinary continence is quite minor. It's just when I run or jump that I feel like my bits are falling out.

Hi your symptoms sound similar. It is basically the tissue between vagina and rectum is weakened so the rectum can bulge into when full. Sometimes it feels like something coming down. Also may be problems when having bowel movement.

I had severe tears when giving birth. Things never seemed right after that despite physio and pelvic floor exercise/kegels.

The repair was basically like an episiotomy. You're cut through the tissues and stitched. Then they do the same up the vaginal walls. Obviously this is painful but pain relief helps. Also you arent meant to lift again anything heavy but easier said than done. There is quite a high failure rate but probably as people have weakened tissue so problem recurs.

Thanks all. You've persuaded me to at least go and ask the GP the question. See what they say.

Seriously, do not be fobbed off. The doctors in this country are utterly shit at dealing with these kinds of problems and you need to push and push for a proper referral. It's awful and ridiculous people don't talk about it or are asked about it.

If you could afford it I would say go to France and pay for treatment there, they know what they're doing and they take women seriously. You'd never have got this far over there.

@diddlediddle do you know who should I ask for a referral to? Is it a gynaecologist or should I just expect physio?

I think they will try to refer you to a physio in the first instance but if I were you given the waiting times and the severity of what you describe I would push to be referred to a specialist gynaecologist as well at the same time. Be firm.

I had a friend who had to get herself referred to about 3 different specialists before she was properly diagnosed and treated so don't give up x

I have an appointment with a coleorectal nurse for help with recovery after birth injuries. That may be the department you need. Best of luck getting the help you deserve.

Thank you very much everyone for your good advice. After you all pointed out that none of this seemed normal, I had a proper poke around.

I had some tearing after my first birth - 2nd degree, but all the way from bottom to top (including clitoris - ouch). That was stitched up by a gynaecologist immediately post birth. Sex eventually felt fine after that one (actually maybe better, weirdly).

With the second birth, dc absolutely shot out of me - 2nd stage less than 2 minutes and I pushed maybe twice. The midwife said I had a 1st degree labial graze, about half a cm long. Did I want a stitch? Me, high as a kite on baby hormones: no, no, it's fine, don't trouble yourself.

Having had a look now and googled a bit, I have what looks a lot like a 3rd degree perineal tear. WTF?! Has the midwife just not been bothered to stitch me back together? I'm fucking livid.

To update - seen the GP, apparently all within the scope of what's considered normal. Now have a referral to physio for pelvic floor exercises.

Hello op! I just want to say I've had 4 vaginal births with no stitches or tears and I'm in the exact same boat as you! My perineum is non existent and I feel very loose. So loose that water gets in everytime I have a bath,or swim, and it often fills with air. Sorry tmi but It really gets me down. The worst part is, after my third baby I was referred to a gynecologist who agreed to do repair surgery. I then found out I was pregnant with dc#4 and I cancelled the surgery, I knew I could pick up where I left off after the birth. When I went back after dc#4 the gynecologist I saw last time had retired and the new one thinks there's nothing wrong with me... How does that make sense after giving birth to another 8lbs 5oz baby? He point blank refused to do any type of surgery. My only hope now is paying privately for a vaginal rejuvenation, which costs around £6000. I don't have that kind of money :( sorry for ranting but I'm not even 25 yet and I don't want to even consider sex until this is fixed. I don't want to be celibate for the rest of my life!
Please come back to this thread and let me know how you got on with physio? Did it make a difference? X