Friend has had her baby prematurely - what can I do to help?

[oiseau]

My friend has had her baby two months early - she is a good weight at 4lb 5oz but is struggling to feed. She lives at the other end of the country so I can't offer her support in person but I really want to help and I am not sure of the best way to do this from a distance. So I was just wondering if anyone has been through this themselves could think of anything that people did for them that they really appreciated. Sending flowers just seems so useless really.

Thanks in anticipation

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buy some teeny weeny vests and babygro, wash them in lovely baby washing powder and softner and give them to her already to use.

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Please do not send flowers are not allowed them in NNU, but send her a tiny tiny teddy. clothes are a bit of a problem if baby is on drips monitors a wrap around style will be ok

HTH

Don't know how close you are to this friend but maybe you could find a LOCAL (to her) breastfeeding counsellor to suppport her - if she plans to BF....
Special care baby units are not always good at breastfeeding.... so getting moral and practical support (now) from an experienced BF counsellor can be useful.... she won't have time to look for one so if you can get the ball rolling.....
I did this once for a friend in Switzerland and she sent me flowers... it was THAT much appreciated !

suggest to her to do kangaroo cuddles

Just letting her know you are there for her, too. A friend of mine just had a baby at 32 weeks also about 4 1/2 lbs. It is such a frustrating time waiting to take the little babe home. It was several days before she could even hold him. I gave her the Over the Shoulder Baby Holder. It has a very thick shoulder pad. For little babies you can wear it backwards and the shoulder pad serves as a little pillow. Preemies are said to like being in a sling as it is so womb-like.

oiseau my ds was born at 32 weeks too,my sister gave me a baby record book wich i loved writting everything that was happening to him in the 10 days we spent in hospital and after,i love reading it now

A mirror so that when she can't be in the nnu with baby if she slides it between wall of incubator and matteress the baby can look into it and it will stimulate its eyes and brain.

My best friend had her baby 2 months premature (he's 15 years old now!) and she was beside herself because she had nothing ready at all. I would guess that babygro's, changing mat, car seat, etc. etc. would be really useful.

definitely arrange for a BF counsellor to pop in and see her.

My DD2 was born at 31 wks and although a good weight (1.9kg)she had major problems with feeding so was in hospital for 2 months, for the most part in intensive care. This was by far and away the worst time of my life and something I am still struggling to come to terms with, even though she is 18 months old and fine. There's so much I could tell you about what to do (and not to do) for your friend, but am in danger of going into personal therapy mode! If I had to pick one thing to avoid doing, it would be saying that 31 weeks/ 4lb is really good and that babies of this age/ weight are always fine. Or - even worse - that you've heard of much younger / smaller babies who were also absolutely fine. I heard these things every single day from people who were trying to help but actually made things an awful lot worse, especially as my daughter was getting iller and iller and the doctors didn't seem to know what on earth was going on with her. Inside I became more and more convinced that she was going to be one of the few unlucky ones who don't make it but I didn't feel I could say this to anyone as I'd be inundated with another lot of positive stories. As she was my second child and i had a two year old to look after, I couldn't be at the hospital more than a few hours a day - usually at really weird times - and the rest of the time had to get on with trips to the park, doing the shopping, etc. I either felt ripped in half, thinking of DD2 lying in her incubator all alone, or as if she'd already died and I was going through bereavement. Some days I wondered if I'd gonecompletely off my head and had imagined the whole pregnancy! As you can see, it's still very hard for me to write about this without going into all the pain again but in relation to your friend, I would say - try to take a lead from her about whether she wants to talk and if so, just let her tell you what's happening and how it feels, even if it's difficult for you to hear. Don't keep saying everything will be fine, don't go into advice mode unless she asks for it and don't assume anything - either about how the baby will do or how she'll cope, as every case is unique. I do apologise for having such a massive rant - I'm sure at least half of what I've said is stuff you already know but as I've said, there's an awful lot I've not got off my chest yet! Hope it may be of some use anyway