Preparing for labour after stillbirth, PTSD

[Waitingforthismoment]

Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice?

My first DC was stillborn in the second trimester, so I have a lot of very difficult feelings tied up with the physical and emotional experiences of childbirth. I was working through the trauma of it for a long time afterwards.

I'm now nearing full-term with my second pregnancy. I'm not anxious as such, I trust that I'll get through it somehow. I've had a debrief of my first delivery and am having some good birth planning chats with the midwives and doctors. However I still worry that there will be some points that I'll find particularly distressing and that are likely to bring memories of the birth of DC1 flooding back.

Does anyone have any tips for keeping my cool and not descending into pure panic in those difficult moments? Thanks

I'm sorry I don't have any specific advice for you having never experienced anything like that but I didn't want your thread to go unanswered. So sorry to hear about your first DC.

It's great that you're getting good support from your midwives and doctors. From other things I would suggest that if you expect to find it difficult then the reality may not be quite as bad as you may think. Whereas if you expect it to all be ok then the bad feelings can hit you like a freight train (sorry I've probably not put that very well).

Make sure your birth partner knows the best ways to calm you down if you do freak out and make sure they take responsibility for ensuring any extra staff who may have to be around during your birth (shift changes/extra support etc.) so that you don't have to explain mid-birth why you may not be the calmest.

Wishing you all the best with this last stage.

This must be one of the hardest things to ever manage. I really feel for you.

I guess if you can focus on the fact that this is a different time, a different date, a different baby and will be a different and amazing experience. Trust your body already knows what to do, it is bound to be mixed emotions. I know each time I've been in labour I've been so absorbed in it I haven't thought about anything else- like you are very much in that moment. I hope you get some more helpful advice from people who know more. ❤️

P.s. I was petrified of birth for different reasons and used Maggie Howell book and cd 'Effective Birth Preparation' it was invaluable for me. Worked like magic to keep me calm.

Have you seen the Positive Birth Company? They do a hypnobirthing course which may have some helpful techniques in it.
Sending love x

Similar situation to you. I don't have any tips, however I can reassure you it was a totally different experience.

I was incredibly anxious leading up to the delivery to the extent that I was induced early but strangely I didn't think about my still birth during the delivery, despite that being a very real fear for me.

Very best wishes.

Did you have any specialist trauma counselling? After my traumatic birth I was offered a debrief and CBT but found it ineffective. There is a specialist trauma charity near me and they were fantastic. I can imagine there will be an element of managing your (understandable) anxiety and feeling that this birth is different, in whatever way you need to.

Thanks for all your kind and thoughtful responses.
Yes I've had trauma counselling which helped tremendously, but the reality of getting through this pregnancy and delivery is only really hitting me now. I've been keeping my distance from it emotionally for a few months for obvious reasons. Now I finally feel like I really need to start taking some practical steps to prepare myself, even just a little bit.

Sending you well wishes

Did they ever find out why your first baby was stillborn? For me personally being prepared reduces my anxiety - I have a few conditions that can cause stillbirth and have tried to manage the anxiety by researching and then corroborating my findings with my consultant, and paying for extra scans. As you’re almost done you could request for a presentation / growth scan to determine position of the baby and how well the blood is flowing to the placenta / umbilical cord.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

My first baby was stillborn at 24 weeks and his little brother arrived in April this year, almost a year to the date.

I haven't got much advice but can share my experience.

Going into the delivery suite was horrendous. It brought back so many memories and i found it exhausting having to explain time and time again that this was my second baby.

I kept trying to.put it to the back of my mind that this would be different and lightening could not strike twice. Unfortunately my little boy was not breathing when he was born and there were already about 20 people in the room as they had lost the heart trace. 21 minutes later, he took his first breath in NICU and today he is snoring peacefully beside me, happy, healthy and content.

It may be useful to speak to your counsellor ahead of the birth, i kept reminding myself that this was different and birth affirmations may be useful for this.

I would also have something in your notes to indicate it is a rainbow baby after a loss. I found it deeply upsetting to keepexplaining and actually, although everyone was very understanding, it would have been easier if i didnt have to explain.

Wishing you and your baby a lovely birth, hope your little one arrives happy and healthy xxx

Can you look at how you equip the people helping you if you become distressed or overwhelmed by flashbacks?

So, if there are signs they will notice if you're having a flashback or common examples of how you behave when panicking or distressed, perhaps you could set those out in a little bullet point list next to examples of the things that are helpful to you when that happens? E.g. "Remind me slowly and calmly where I am and what day it is. Help me bring my focus back to the things in the room with me, the colours, sounds, etc"

Then they could have a little one page "at a glance" guide to help you. Just having prepared it and shared it might make you feel safer that things won't spiral out of control emotionally and those around you will know how to respond so you don't end up feeling alone too.

Could you also have a meeting with the key staff and your birth partner beforehand to discuss and plan? Again, it might help you feel more in control and prepared, which usually helps with trauma. Plus then they will understand better and be more able to help you in the way you need. If you took a draft of your helping sheet to the meeting it could be discussed too, and maybe if you shared a list of the parts you're most concerned about the staff could be more prepared or even come up with ideas to do things differently to better support you and avoid any unnecessary distress for you.

PTSD is a disability, you're not at all unreasonable to ask for these kind of things or other reasonable adjustments that might be needed. Please don't feel you have to shoulder it all alone.

Hi op,

My first dc was stillborn at 38 weeks in May 2017.
Since then we welcomed DC2 in July last year.

I echo what @39Suzy has said above, I found it particularly upsetting having to keep explaining over and over about DC1. Especially when you have smiling staff members asking cheerfully if this is your first baby. Unfortunately I don't know how to get around this. It was all over my notes and yet staff still fail to read them properly which I found frustrating.

As for the birth of DC2, I felt more reassured that I was constantly monitored, I was induced at 37 weeks exactly. I was attached to the monitor for 90% of my stay, the 10% when I wasnt was for me to have a bath and to walk around etc.

Once I was in full blown labour, I think my mind just focused on the task in hand. Everything went fine and DC2 was delivered with bow issues, now a very happy, healthy 14 month old.

It wasn't until a few days after DC2 was born that it really hit me that DC1 would never know their sibling and vice versa. I cried quite a lot and just held DC2 close. It was and still is heartbreaking.

Looking back on the birth of DC2 I don't really know what could have made things better. I think it was as good as it could be considering the circumstances. Just take things one step at a time and try to keep your support close.

Wishing you the very best of luck ❤️

Thanks all for sharing your insight. I'm so sorry that anyone has had to find themselves in this situation, but I'm so grateful for all your advice and reassurance
DC1 came early due to problems with the placenta, and was just too tiny to make it. Placenta function, blood flow and growth are all being monitored closely this time and we've been managed as high-risk throughout, though all is currently looking fine.
I have a birth-planning meeting very soon and I will definitely be including some of your ideas. Thanks again everybody for your help