Who to have in the room?

[kylieeee]

Hiya☺️ Just a bit curious on other people's experiences really. I'm not sure whether to have my mum in the room with me and my partner when I'm having our baby.

On the one hand, it's such a special, private moment that would be amazing to share just the two of us.

On the other hand, my mum has always been such a support to me and the sound of her voice is such a soothe to me. I also know it would mean the world to her to witness her first grandchild being born, and being there for her daughter too.

My other half doesn't mind either way, he did say it would be nice just the two of us but if I'd like my mum in there he's more than happy. I just don't know! It's not like I can try it twice and see which is best 😂

Any advice would be lovely?

Thank you x

I’m very close to my mum, see her often and trust her with my life but I only wanted my husband with me. It’s a unique time and you can see your mum ASAP with your baby afterwards

Don’t think about what it would mean to your mum or dh for the moment to be there. Think about who YOU want to be there. Who will be best at supporting YOU.

My mum is my best friend, we are really close and like @anne I see and speak to her very often.
She was my second birthing partner if my oh couldn't be with me for whatever reason, but in all honesty I'm happy it was just him with me, it's our first child so it was something new to us, plus she came in with dad and had cuddles as soon as visiting hours started.

I feel it is an incredibly special moment between the couple.

Am amazed on the episodes of OBEM I've watched, at the number of people who share such a wonderful and emotional (and in my popinin very private) moment, with others.

Your Mum will no doubt support you in the coming weeks and months.

It's a very personal decision.

For my first, I had both my mum and my husband as well as two midwives. My husband was quite anxious and we decided that my mum would be a calming influence for us both. Personally I found it wonderful having them both there - my two best friends and best supporters. My mum was fantastic at knowing when to stand back, she wasn't in our faces at all and only held baby once I had fed her and my husband had cuddled and dressed her.

Second time, I just had my husband and the midwife. We felt much more confident of what to expect and didn't feel the need for the extra support. It was still a beautiful experience, but in some ways I missed getting to show off my baby right away.

I plan on having my partner and mother as my birthing partners.
My mum is like my best friend and I can't imagine doing it without her there by my side. She is such a great support and I know she will not only support me, but support my partner during the labour (it is our first baby).
I know she will be a great advocate for me if decisions need making and I am unable to (whereas my partner may feel a little bewildered).
He has said I have there who I want to have there as it's me that needs the support and encouragement and I think deep down he knows that as much as I know he will be amazing, there's nothing like having your mum there too to hold your other hand in times of need! Xx

I have never been able to fathom why grown women with partners want their mums there as well. I get on great with my mum but the arrival of a new baby is for the couple IMO. My mum wouldn’t have wanted to be there either plus our hospital only allowed one birth partner anyway.

I didn't know what to do either and decided on the day. My mum drove us there and I asked her to stay. I loved having her there and she made all the practical things so much easier. She took lots of photos which I hated at the time but treasure now. She knew when to stay back and didn't interfere at all. If you feel comfortable I would day have your mum there.

First time around I wasn’t sure if I wanted my mum as well as DH. I kind of felt like I wanted someone there who had been through it already to support me.
It ended up being just me and DH, and my mum visited soon after.
Was probably I good idea that she wasn’t there in the end because when she walked up to my bed, she didn’t even look in DC1’s direction, she just welled up, hugged me and said “ohhhh I didn’t want you to have to do all that because I know how much it hurts!” So she probably wouldn’t have been much help in the throes of labour anyway bless her!
For DC2 it was me, DH, DC1 (and the midwife).
Expecting DC3 imminently and I’m assuming it’s just going to be me, DH, and the DCs if they are awake!

I had my mum and fiancé in with me and I'm glad I did. Things took a scary turn at one point and they were able to support each other when I was out of it with loads of doctors running around. They both said they were glad to have each other when that happened.

I can't fathom why so many people such as @LatteLove are condescending about "grown women" having their mothers present. In the grand scheme of things it's only very recently that men were allowed or expected in the birthing rooms. Giving birth was considered women's business and women were surrounded by Midwives, Doulas and Mothers or Aunties. While of course if I was only allowed one support person, it would have been my husband, I was grateful to also have the presence of my wonderful mum who had been through childbirth, unlike anyone else in the room, midwives included.

DH tends to fall apart in any time of panic or crisis- I'm the calm one in those situations- so I knew he would need back up to stay calm and keep his s%$^ together which is why my mum came too. And it was a good choice as he did lose it at one or two points and it meant I had someone there who was calm and had done this multiple times before.

This time round though I'd feel calmer if DM was minding DD so I know shes well taken care of.

It really depends on you, what you need or want and your relationships with those people.

Do what makes you feel comfortable. They can also be a great support to each other and become your back up team.

I didn't plan on having my mum there and wanted it to be just me and DH. However, I ended up going into labour when she was around and she stayed with us. As it was a long labour (3 days from start to finish) having them both there throughout was great as they could support each other as well and take turns supporting me when one got tired etc. It also meant I didn't mind DH going to work on day one when it was slowly starting. She ended up being in the delivery room too although she sat back while my DH stayed by my side. I'm really glad they were both there. It was really special for all of us.

I had both my mum and my DH. Wouldn't change a thing. Once DD was born my Mum backed off and arranged for my Dad to come fetch her, she said she'd wait for cuddles, but I wanted her to have a cuddle before she went, and she also cut the cord because DH was a bit squeamish. It was a great experience all round and nice when both of them talk about it :) as they tell it from different angles. DH was fine with her being there, I checked first