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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Alternative support in labour - what would you ask a trainee doula?

17 replies

GinGirl · 01/08/2007 13:15

Afternoon All!

DH and I kind of discussed alternative labour support some time ago, never rejected the idea but just didn't get round to doing anything about it.

My NCT class have had a trainee doula attending the classes as well to update herself on labour etc. She is really lovely, but obviously we haven't had much one on one time with her. Found out at our last class that she hasn't got any of her 4 births booked yet, and on the way home DH and I discussed the issue again. (Am now 33 weeks)

We'd like to have a conversation with her but in a non-committal type of way. Can anyone help me with how to broach this? Its our last class tonight though I have got her contact details.

Also what questions would you ask a doula? And is there any else you would want to know from a trainee?

Many thanks in advance for any help!

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Original poster

GinGirl · 01/08/2007 13:36

Sad self-bump!

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MrsPuddleduck · 01/08/2007 13:47

I would say that you need to "interview" a doula and that she would be expecting to be interviewed.

You could go up to her and say that you had thought about having a doula but you weren't sure whether or not it was for you and would she mind meeting up on a separate occasion so she could explain what she would do for you and what her role is. This would put the ball in her court and be a bit of a fact finding exercise for you.

I don't know whether you have Sky TV but there used to be a programme called 'Mum plus One' which was all about doulas. That may be worth a watch if its still on. From what I understood they helped in the run up to the birth, during and afterwards as well.

HermyGrain · 01/08/2007 14:05

I agree with willmouse - also has the doula any of her own kids?
I think having an extra support whether experianced or trainee is helpful.
I had a trainee midwife in with me last time and she was lovely - very supporting, kind and genuinely interested in me - not just the labour.
I say give it a go .

lulumama · 01/08/2007 14:51

hi gingirl

I'm a trainee doula, and i would expect the parents, who were thinking of booking me to interview me, and to not retain me if we didn;t click

likewise, i reserve the right to not be retained by them , if i don;t feel comfortable

one thing all doulas have in common, whether they have attended no births or 50 births, is that they are passionate about helping women have a fantastic, positive , empowered and rewarding birth

all doulas have to start somewhere , you might as well have a chat with her and i am sure she will understand it is not a firm booking until you are all agreed that you want her there!

hertsnessex · 01/08/2007 14:55

Gingirl,

there are a list of questions to ask doulas on doula.org.uk - worth taking a nose at.

im sure you will gt some great support and she will gain some experience - a win win situation.

Original poster

GinGirl · 01/08/2007 14:55

Thanks, am seriously in two minds about it. Just don't know how I feel about the whole thing, and surely I shouldn't feel so non-committal about it?
She has 3 children of her own and has attended other births but not as a doula.
Thanks for the suggestion Willmouse, sounds like a good way to start the conversation - especially making clear from the outset that I'm not sure about it.

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ejt1764 · 01/08/2007 14:55

Hiya, I've booked a trainee doula for this labour / birth ... she'd done only one birth when I first met her - but I'll now be her 9th!

this site has a list of useful questions ... I didn't ask all of them, as I found that my gut response was saying "yes"!

Good luck!

hertsnessex · 01/08/2007 14:56

i think start with a chat, and take it from there. you dont have to book her if you dont want to.

Original poster

GinGirl · 01/08/2007 14:59

Thank you Hertsnessex and Lulumama, she is a lovely woman and I would like to help her on her way to her four births - but don't know if this a good enough reason to ask her to be present at such a private time.
Would it be okay to say that once the baby was born we would want her to back off a bit?
DH not being much helpwith the decision making process...but, he is quite squeamish and I like the idea that he will have some support as well.

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lulumama · 01/08/2007 15:01

might help to clarify it in your mind, if you do a list of reasons why you want the extra support

lulumama · 01/08/2007 15:02

you cannot do it, just to help her ! it is too vulnerable a time, and you don;t want any one with you, in labour, that you are not comfortable with

if you decide to retain her, then you can specify that once baby is delivered , she takes a step back

Original poster

GinGirl · 01/08/2007 15:05

Thats interesting Lulumama... I need to nail DH down to find out how comfortable he is with it I think. Then maybe have a conversation with her over the phone so its less direct.
Want to listen to my instincts, but they don't know either!

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lulumama · 01/08/2007 15:07

hard, isn;t it?

speak to your DH

and speak to the doula, and if you click, you should all 3 meet up, face to face

the benefits of having a doula, are many, but you need to be comfortable with the whole idea of it ! or it negates some of the benefit

not really a situation you can force, IFYSWIM!

Original poster

GinGirl · 01/08/2007 15:23

We've all met, cos she is attending our NCT antenatal classes. Thats why I'm finding it slightly harder to broach the subject. If it was a complete stranger, I wouldn't worry about it at all!
Thanks for the help, will have to talk to DH tonight before class and then maybe ask her for a good time to call about it for a chat.
Thanks again.

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lulumama · 01/08/2007 15:28

let us know how you get on !

BetsyBoop · 01/08/2007 21:24

Don't know if this helps

I've hired a trainee doula, in fact I'm her first client.

The fact she was a trainee didn't bother me in the slightest, it was more important that I "clicked" with her (and she with me) & that I felt she had the empathy & commitment necessary to support me - you can't learn to have empathy & commitment - you either have it or you don't (but I can't think why anyone would want to become a doula if they didn't though)

I was really clear of my reasons for wanting a doula

I want a VBAC
I want to stay home as long as possible before going to the hospital
DH works 4hrs away M-F & I want someone to support me if things happen quickly.

DH was also fully supportive of my reasons.

I think all doulas do a free no-commitment inital meeting to see if they are right for you & you for her, so you've nothing to lose by meeting up with her for a chat if you & DH agree it's an option worth considering further.

Original poster

GinGirl · 02/08/2007 11:52

Thanks Betsey, that does help. Had a word with her last night and said that I would call her to arrange a time to chat (with no committment involved).
I think I really need to clarify my own reasons for wanting someone else present. DH isn't sure - about the doula issue as a whole, not about the trainee thing. I feel that he feels he should be all the support I need (if that makes sense!) whereas I think he will be more effective if he can have a break when he needs one without worrying about me.
We're going to talk about it some more... Anyone else had an unsure DH?
xx

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