Sex after baby

[Seriously79]

Sorry if this is in the wrong section. Just need some advice from those of you who may of felt like this before.

I have a 4 week old daughter (and a 10 year old son from previous relationship).

My boyfriend has been fantastic throughout pregnancy and labour and isn't putting any pressure on me at all, he knows I'm posting on here, but doesn't quite 'get it'.

Daughter was born by emergency c section and recovery was much harder than I thought it was gonna be.

I miss the intimacy I used to have with my boyfriend, I'm not feeling ready for sex yet and although he comes home every night, helps with feeds, does his fair share of nappies, stuff around the house and with my son - I miss him, and what we use to have - just holding hands while watching tv, a cheeky joke between the 2 of us - my mind is so pre occupied with bottles, feeds, washing and all that is baby I can only see myself now as 'mummy' (I know I've always been mummy to my son, but as 10 he can feed and water himself and isn't quite as dependant).

I know I'm gonna be in mummy mode for quite a while yet, and that's fine, I'm loving it, she is a happy placid little girl and we all fell in love with her instantly. But my question is - did you feel like this? How long until I start to feel like myself again? I want to be able to see myself as girlfriend/ partner/ lover - not just mummy.

Does this make any sense at all?

Sorry you're feeling like this, although it sounds like something a lot of people could have written at 4 weeks. It makes complete sense. My husband and I slept in separate beds and did "shift work" with our baby overnight until 6/7 weeks, for context. We have a comparatively easy baby and I think it was around 8-10 weeks that we started to feel like things were sort of normal again, then when we started putting him to bed before we went to bed and using a baby monitor (maybe around week 12?) was the point where we started to get our evenings back and felt like more of a couple, who happen to have a child... If that makes sense? He's now 5 months, we have a very good routine and he usually settles himself with minimal intervention from us so he's usually asleep by 8.30/9 then we get a few hours to ourselves.

With the sex thing... Maybe once a week (probs in reality more like once every 10 days) in the spare room? From about week 8, maybe. Only do it when you're ready though. I had a very easy labour with minimal tearing so felt myself down there within a few days of having my baby but I didn't want to or have the energy for weeks. I know friends who had c sections and/or traumatic labours who haven't yet done it 5 months on so it's just different for everyone. Don't put pressure on yourself in this regard.

Thanks for your reply x

It was months and months of feeling like that after my first. Then when we did have sex it was agony which didn't help! It did get better though.

I totally understand what you mean. I'm sure it's different for everyone but my LG has just gone 6 months and I'm finally properly feeling like myself.

I had a planned section and thankfully, recovered very well. I'm back playing netball etc. My daughter is in a good routine and I think that really makes the difference for me. Both kids are in bed (usually) by 7:30pm so we have our evenings back a bit. X

I started feeling more like myself around 4 months and then felt properly myself at about 6 months although having said that becoming a parent has changed me as a person.
We had very gentle sex at 8-9 weeks but focused more on getting the intimacy of cuddles etc back