Episiotomy scar problems; saw the second gynae, not great news, feeling very sad.

[MrsTittleMouse]

I've posted a fair bit on here about my episitomy scar following a ventouse delivery that I was bullied into, and a series of doctors that were either useless or insulting or both.
I've now finally seen a gynae in another hospital for a second opinion. She was very nice, was very gentle and considerate during the examination, and really listened to me. I also got the feeling that she wasn't patronising and genuinely was concerned about me. So that's the good news. The bad news is that there is very little that she can do for me. She is very reluctant to do surgery, as she's found that it usually doesn't help patients with problems like mind (fair enough), but there isn't much else she can do. She was very apologetic about it, and I cried. She felt that breastfeeding could be slowing down the healing, so she's going to recommend that my GP gives me oestrogen cream to counteract that (I'll be weaning DD off anyway, as the biting isn't getting any better), and she recommended sex to stretch the scar. I just can't do that, I can't face painful sex again. It's so counter to what sex should be. So she gave me some dilators (which are basically dildos of graduated size) that I can use first. She said that they're not as good as penetrative sex, but could help me get to that stage. We've given it until DD 15 months (she's 9 months now) but when I asked her what we can do if it doesn't work, the answer is nothing. She said that most people are OK by then, even if sex isn't the same as it was before childbirth, but I'm really really scared as I know that 95% of OP babies turn during labour, and that 97% of women can have sex a couple of months after an episiotomy, so my luck has been quite bad. Also, my Mum told me that her scar still gives her problems from my birth (would rather not have known that frankly), so I know that my family heals really badly.
I'm so angry with the OB, I know my body, I knew my family history of bad scarring and his snap decision might have ruined my sex life forever. Oh bugger, now I'm crying again. I keep thinking of him, and how he was smiling at me when I was trying to argue with him. I want the gynae to get in touch with him and tell him what women like me go through.
DH is being lovely and wants to do anything to help. He came with me, and is now looking after DD so that I can type this. I feel like he only has half a wife. Sex was so important to both of us.

This is just a quick post, but I wanted to say how sorry I feel for you. I had a nasty tear (but it sounds like you have had a much worse time than me) it didnt heal very well, I had to go back to the doctor a couple of times and have stitches cauterised. It felt lumpy, I had an inclusion cyst caused by the stitching that rubbed and caused me discomfort when riding my horse and I had to be careful what underwear/jeans I wore. my doctor (who has a special interest in gynea was very sympathetic and said there wasnt anything that could be done because there wasnt much to work with. She did offer aneasthetic creams etc.

I felt very miserable at the time BUT things did get better, and certainly after 3 years I didnt notice hardly at all and after 5 years I have no trouble.

I hope that you heal soon.

MrsTittlemouse, my dsis found sex painful for a year after having her dd. She put up with it anyway and eventually at one time she felt a "pop" and after that it was fine. She still doesn't know what the problem actually was but suspected one stitch too many.

Definitely complain about your OB. He sounds like an arse

Sorry, Mrs Tittlemouse, don't mean to imply you should put up with painful sex. Suspect my poor sis was pressurised by her now xp! But hopefully if you use the dilators, you should get there eventually?

MrsTittlemouse I could have written your OP 12 months ago. I had an OP labour with DD, epis, forceps. I was eventaully diagnosed with PTSD, a scar that was too tightly stitched and hadn't had sex for well over a year.

I have skimmed the thread but I am working so don't have time to read it all. Has anyone suggested massaging the scare tissue?

Last June I recall posting (on another forum) that I could feel my episiotomy scare aching whilst I sat watching tv, or when I showered. I hated the thought of sex and was genuinely frightened for my marriage.

DH and I were referred to by our GP for pyschosexual counselling. I was given dilators but never used them. A midwife suggested massaging my scar in the shower with sweet almond oil. I also did lots of research on DD's OP birth and put my mind at rest that I hadn't "failed" which was really how I was feeling. I hated my body and my particulary my vagina. I think the combination of therapy for me (having DH there helped him to understand what I thought and felt, he didn't really talk much), realising that I wasn't to blame for my birth experience and massaging the scar all pretty much sorted me out.

I would say I saw an improvement in less than a month, I never used the dilators, I just couldn't get comfortable with the idea of them.

It was a gradual improvement to feeling "normal" again but now I am expecting DC2 and planning another vaginal birth with DHs support (he wanted me to have an elcs too - "safer" he believed). I completely understand the feeling of wanting to "do it right next time". I have looked lots into optimal foetal positioning so as to give myself the best chance of avoiding another OP labour. I have also looked at coping methods and ways to encourage a baby to turn in labour if this DC is OP too.

Birth Crisis helpline was useful for me as was the Birth Crisis book by Sheila Kitzinger. I felt understoond reading that.

birth crisis

Good luck MrsTM. There is life after episiotomy!

kt1991

You sound like you could really use some support right now and I think you'll be more likely to get that if you start a new thread.

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time and hope you GP is supportive and has good news for you :)

I agree with Tangle - many posters coming to this thread will think it's a new one, and miss your post kt1991, best to start a new one :)

Mrs - I am not familiar with your situation but I had a 'correction' post birth. IHTH.

Mrs - I had a first degree tear that did not heal on its own as I was told it would. Three weeks post birth I saw my ob who said something could be done if I wanted as it may still heal (not likely).

Prepare now for TMI !

I had to go in for to be stitched up. This entailed having the semi healed skin sheared off to make a nice new v shape that could be stitched nicely. Yes it was painful and embarrassing but pain was limited to the local really.

Maybe you could still have it redone. Try seeking more opinions.

Sorry if I'm way off track, haven't got much detail from this post. Good luck.

Thank you all very much for your kind words. Luckily, I don't need them any more as I wrote the OP in 2007. I now have a second child and a lovely sex life. :)

kt1991 Perhaps you can take heart that my problems have now been solved. You are still very early on in the process, but you are pushing for help, and that is good. There is a good chance that your problems will heal in time - it's not unusual for it to take 6 months, rather than the 6 weeks that we're all told to expect!

My problem scar was healed by a second vaginal delivery - my baby had a long second stage of labour and that stretched out and softened the scar tissue. It was a high risk choice, and not for everyone, but it worked for me. I had some hard knobbly scarring from this second delivery, but cortisone injections sorted that out (very painful, but very worth it).

There are a lot of options out there - I would be happy to let you know my experiences in more detail if you like (but probably better on another thread, so that the attention is focussed on you). And I am so sorry that you are going through this too. :( It was such a low point in my life. Reading through the posts again was very strange, remembering just how awful it is. :(

Gah, I hate when that happens!

Glad it all worked out so well, MrsT!

Very sorry to hear about all the hurt and pain caused by the scars.
MrT -excellent to hear that time did heal.

I am due to give birth in the summer and am already very anxious about it and was wondering what advice you had about options.
I ask this because you and others mentioned that if you had known you would have not given your consent.
What were your options and with hindsight what were the positives/negatives of each? I then hope that this knowledge will help protect me from OBs like the one you had and midwives like kt1991 had.

Thank you for all for sharing your stories and advice. I do not know what I would do without it!

honeybaby it might be best to start your own thread asking exactly what you've just asked. You'll get many more answers that way.

Good luck!

I am the mother of 5 children and am age 65. I had a problem for years with so much scaring from my episiotomy(s) that sex was impossible. I found a wonderful doctor who told me that my problem is very common, even for younger women. We tried the estrogen cream and stretching, and when that did not work, she did some minor surgery and cut the scar tissue away (made my opening bigger). I suffered for years and now am so happy. Don't give up and find a doctor who understands that this problem exists. My doctor is younger and female!

Ok so it's a dead thread...they don't tell you this when you're searching through the net for answers...so yes, I am going to reanimate it!!

MrsTittleMouse I just wanted to know how you are getting on?

I too have a botched episiotomy/3rd degree tear, it's been 21 months and sex is still painful :-( I have been overlooked by a few gyns who all seem to turn a blind eye. I am in NZ.