How do you get over traumatic birth?

[JuniperNarni]

It happened 9 years ago but I can't get over it, if anything as time has gone on it feels worse.

I was 18 and pregnant with my first at 24+4 I went to hospital with pain and bleeding. They checked my cervix, said it was closed and sent me home. Throughout the night it got worse so I went back the next day. Same thing on examination but kept me in for one night because it was the second time I went in.

Through that night I went backwards and forwards to the nurses station requesting painrelief and asking them how I was in so much pain when there seemed to be nothing wrong with me. Was repeatedly told to get back into bed and try to rest, they said they could call the doctor but there was no point.

Early hours in the morning I went to the toilet and quite quickly realised it wasn't a poo but something was coming out of my vagina. Rang the emergency buzzer and someone came along, made me stand up, looked underneath me and told me it was a poo and to get back into bed. On the way back to bed I wet myself but was too embarrassed to say, until I actually got in the bed and looked and it was blood. Rang the bell again and the doctor was fetched immediately, turns out I was in labour and 8cm.

Whisked off to delivery suite in a panic. Phoned my mum. Went in to complete shock, couldn't stop vomiting, couldn't move my legs when they asked. Then I was sick and my waters broke and out came a foot and the cord. Was told to push to get him out immediately but nothing was happening so doctor put her hand up and pulled him out. My mum didn't make it to the hospital on time so I birthed alone.

He was sent to another hospital with a level 3 nicu and I waited to be discharged so I could get over to him. I am really happy to say he spent 106 (difficult as expected) days in nicu before he came home.

I just can't process it at all. I had a meeting with the midwife after to go through the notes but they basically just defending all the decisions the hospital made. The older I get and the more I learn about pregnancy and birth the worse I feel about it. I am pregnant again (my 3rd. Care with my second was actually quite good) and go into complete panic at the mention of staying in hospital.

Do you ever get over it? Is there help out there for this?

Oh my goodness, my heart really does go out to you. It’s really sad to hear when nurses dismiss people’s experiences, I think sometimes they try to defend there actions in a plight to keep you quiet. PTSD after giving birth last week or 10 years ago can be still very raw. You are so entitled to feel shook by this. You need to ask yourself, what is it you want to take away from this? Would you like a report from the hospital as to the steps they took during your labour, would you like to complain about how it was dealt with? I think it’s definitely worth speaking to someone about your experiences my sister in fact goes to therapy for a traumatic birth 6 years ago - she never went on to have any more out of fright. Choose what you want to take away from this: the bottom line is you are amazing and a fighter and so is your child! Hats off to you x

Thankyou. I did send a written complaint to the hospital about two years afterwards, mainly to try and ensure it didn't happen to anyone else.
I think the hospital has changed a fair bit since and I hope that if some lessons have been learned then some good came out of it.
It's just my personal issues now that I need to get over, I don't think I am angry anymore, just upset. Especially for my 18 year old self that was nowhere near strong enough to deal with all that. I really need to get through it, get over how scared I am of being in hospital and try and move forward.

Great at least you complained, my sister never did. Like you she found it incredibly difficult to go revisit the memories. She had therapy and hypnotherapy to help, she said the hypnotherapy really helped - would you ever consider it?

The Birth Trauma Association has a closed facebook page which I've found really useful in helping me deal with dc1's arrival (very long painful labour in which I was repeatedly sent home, failed forceps, emergency section, NICU stay and post partum psychosis). I think knowing that I wasn't alone and that people did get better really helped.

Have you told your midwife how you feel? I broke down on my consultant in pregnancy number 2 and poured everything out and she turned out to be amazing. It might also be worth talking to your GP if you haven't already. That's how I got diagnosed with my issues because he was rightly concerned that I thought my son was a doll. Whilst I got referred to the adult mental health team, I know our medical practice offers some sort of counseling for different issues and I would imagine hospital phobia (which I share...had to spend 5 hours in A&E with a heavily bleeding 4 year old last week) would count.

Most hospitals have peri-natal mental health teams with dedicated midwives and a referral which I think your midwife should be able to make might help.

@clarissa469 I'm really glad that it helped her, I'm happy to consider anything really if there is a chance it will help.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils Sorry you had such a rough time of it as well. Thankyou for all of that advice too.

I've cried at the consultant and the sonographer (luckily both brilliant) and my poor midwife is amazing and has had to listen to me sobbing on several occasions now.

I'll have to try and get something in place. I'm quite lucky that I'm okay in the hospital until they say I have to be admitted which will obviously be inevitable when baby is born. With my second I managed to struggle through because my partner was allowed to stay with me the whole time which won't be the case this time with two children at home. I feel so silly but I know it is getting out of control and it isn't going to go well when it happens. The overwhelming panic at an appointment when they said I might need to be admitted was horrible.

I'm rambling now, sorry. Thankyou for the advice, i'll see if I can get referred to someone asap.

Could anyone else take the children for a bit? I think I'd have been discharging myself straight after my 2nd emergency section if dh hadn't been able to stay. Or could someone else stay with you whilst your partner goes home to the children? We had organised a childminder to have dc1 for a bit until dh's parents could collect him and I've had a friend's children whilst she was having her 3rd until the Grandparents were able to pick up.

I hadn't thought of asking someone else to stop if my partner can't. I've got childcare planned, the eldest has severe autism so they are both going to different family members. I think he will be able to stop if it is one or two night, last section ended up in a 6 night stay, I can not do that again, i'm hoping for a speedy recovery.

Ouch. I was in 3 nights with dc1 and was climbing the walls, 6 must have been horrendous. Have you discussed with your consultant if that's likely again?

Our local hospital likes next day discharges if everything goes okay, although because my second ended up also being an emergency they tried to get me to stay another night but got the hint when they found me dressed with my suitcase packed. Might be worth seeing if he could do nights 1 & 2 and then see if a friend/your mum or someone could do another a night if needed and so on.

I definitely found with dc2 that planning for every eventuality we could think of helped my anxiety.

I'm pinning a lot of hope on getting out really quickly and will be doing the same as you and just packing up myself if I have to. After 2 premature babies for completely different reasons I don't think anyone knows what is going on at all which isn't helpful.
Last time they kept me in for a high heartrate, it turned out to be dehydration and I have a higher than average heartrate anyway. I discharged myself in the end last time because even the staff were all in agreement that there wasn't a medical need for me to be there but as they had already ordered a test they couldn't unorder it. I'm not letting that happen again I will drink hundreds of jugs of water if I have to.