Not telling family when I go into labour...

[BarryBarryTaylor]

Hello all.
Please bear with me on this one, I know a lot of it is illogical anxiety but, baby number 2 is due any day now and I’m very tempted to not tell my mom and in-laws when I go into labour, as that will delay them coming down. (We live around 2hr train journey or a 3.5hr car drive away)
When we had our first it was so overwhelming having three extra adults in the house, especially when we don’t have a massive place anyway. They weren’t really helpful either, it just became three extra mouths to feed and tidy up after.
I was hoping this time to just tell them once baby arrives, giving us time to get settled before the onslaught of visitors arrive.
I have told them they can’t stay here, which they all seemed to accept, but my mom is insisting she should be here as soon as because my eldest will need her. We have childcare organised so we actually don’t need my mom for that at all.

Is it out of order to just send them a picture of baby once they are born?

I never told a sole, not even DH until I had to wake him up to take us into the hospital. It was so cam and peaceful.

I called my parents about an hour or so after and asked them if they wanted to meet their grandchild at busting time :) in laws were invited for next visiting then that was that for a few days till I was ready which was perfect. I know my parents were a bit disappointed that they never got the excitement of labour but I just needed quite pressure free time to labour.

Do whatever works for you, your body, your baby, your labour x

This is so interesting.
I always assumed it was the done thing to inform parents and in laws when you were in labour. I am massively reassured to know that it’s actually fairly ‘normal’ to just announce after.
I don’t feel half as guilty as I did before. It also takes the pressure off.
Thank you!!

I just realised all the autocorrects in my post 🙈.
I blame baby brain, I'm 39+5 with DC2 and not functioning as normal 😂

runninginheelsisnotfun I hadn’t noticed until you said!

Don’t apologise, don’t explain why you didn’t tell them you were in labour. If they ask “why didn’t you tell us you were in labour?” Just answer “I was in labour, I was concentrating on birthing the baby!”

Good luck!!!

I think you should do whatever you feel most comfortable with, but you should also be able to tell them you're in labour, but that they are not to arrive at your house unless and until you invite them.

I only phoned our families once I'd had my CS and was holding my baby in the postnatal ward, and I didn't see anyone for nearly three weeks after that. No one blew up with self-righteous fury or anything.

It’s entirely up to you. I told my mum because I wanted her to know- dp didn’t tell his because he wanted to surprise her with the news that the baby was born.

I would prefer my mom be the last one to know out of the grandparents as she gets very fussy and it drives me bonkers

I think it’s a great idea to keep it a secret if you’re worried about feeling a bit smothered.
I was induced early and we told parents the night before we went into hospital.
My MIL immediately started texting all the family, and I got a message from my SIL saying “how exciting - you’re being induced tomorrow!” When actually it was because of reduced movements and a worry that my placenta was failing (which is was!).
It really stressed me out and high stress is not what you need when you’re going into labour! It will protect your little newborn bubble a bit more and you can tell people when you’re ready ☺️

browniee

Yes it can feel really invasive can’t it? I had PND after dc1 and actually having my mom stay with me for 5days and then my MIL for 5days was actually the worst decision ever because I just felt so suffocated.
Whilst I appreciate I may well not have PND this time round, I still do want some peace.

Ideally baby arrives on a Sunday evening so neither mom or in laws can visit until the following weekend