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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Scared of giving birth 2nd pregnancy

12 replies

MissLEM · 16/06/2019 12:27

So I've just found out I'm pregnant with my 2nd, 13 years after my first and I'm not gonna lie I'm absolutely terrified of giving birth again.

My sons birth was horrendous. I was 17, my midwife refused me any type of pain relief and by the time a doctor came round it was too late for anything more than gas and air, (which the midwife disconnected!) I ended up getting a ventouse delivery and over 100 stitches (no pain relief) I was treated like crap the whole time, me and another young girl around 17/18 both had been told we should have thought about this and kept our legs closed. There was alot more than this but that's the highlights

I'm terrified. I dont think I can do this again, I know its gonna happen theres nothing stopping it now.
Has anyone else experience this. I still cry when I think of my sons birth to me it was traumatic.

I need to get over this but I dont know how.

OP posts:

hazelnutalphabet · 16/06/2019 12:31

This sounds absolutely horrendous. I am so sorry that happened to you. I think anyone in your position would feel similar.

Would an elective CS make things easier? Know there are obviously risks and benefits of that to consider. But you might feel some more sense of control having a more specific idea of when the birth will be, spinal anaesthetic a given etc. I hope it goes much better than your first birth, whatever you decide.

Original poster

MissLEM · 16/06/2019 12:46

I've asked about an elective section and it has been refused. My hospital has said they will only do it for medical reasons which right now I've none.
The response I'm getting right now from my own gp and the midwife who booked me is that every birth is different, I was told however the midwife from my first birth is no longer a practising midwife which has made it a little easier but not much.

OP posts:

kunderscorej · 16/06/2019 13:08

Talk to your GP and / or midwife about your concerns. It sounds like PTSD, they may refer you for counselling. I know a couple of second time mothers who had difficult first births, and the counselling has helped them prepare for their second. I'm not sure if availability on the NHS depends on you local trust but I would definitely raise it with your healthcare providers and see what is available to you.
Sorry you had such a hard time the first time, hopefully the second will be a much better experience for you.

hazelnutalphabet · 16/06/2019 13:21

Your anxiety is a medical reason.

Are you in England? If so, you are covered by direct Nice guidelines on this. www.birthrights.org.uk/resources/factsheets/

I believe that though Scotland and Wales aren't directly covered, that they still use the guidelines as a reliable reference.

Ask for a second opinion.

ISmellBabies · 16/06/2019 13:29

I'm ao sorry you were treated so badly during your first birth. I found I was often completely ignored or dismissed by medical professionals with my first birth, and I'm sure they're even worse if you're very young. They do tend to listen much more in subsequent pregnancies.

I have a 10 year gap between my first and last and I can tell you now epidurals are fucking amazing now! You honestly don't have to feel a thing and you control it, you can top it up every 15 minutes. I really recommend it. Ask for one as early as you can.

Original poster

MissLEM · 16/06/2019 14:57

I'm based in Northern Ireland, so I'm assuming we should have the same standards as mainland UK, but I'll look into that.
I do see a general therapist anyway so I'll bring it up in the next session and see if he can help or refer me to a specialised therapist. I have been told ive mild PTSD and that's why I didn't really bond with my son for the first few months.

I still feel like I'm that 17 yr old again that will be dismissed everytime I've a suggestion or query.

OP posts:

RoseReally · 16/06/2019 15:21

I had CBT for ptsd from my first birth before I got pregnant again (currently 34 weeks), I brought it up in my booking appointment and midwife said they can refer to perinatal mental health. I haven't done that as am ok for the moment, but I've also requested an appointment with a consultant - I essentially want some reassurance regarding pain relief. Please do kick up a fuss!

NewMumSept2014 · 16/06/2019 17:20

In NI they will do CS for patient choice but obviously don’t like to. It’s major surgery and takes you far longer to recover. You would also have to be seen by 2 separate consultants. Having said that, my first labour was absolutely horrendous and second was vastly different. 3 hours start to finish and home after a few hours. I was traumatised after number 1 but so glad I went natural again the second time.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 16/06/2019 18:47

In NI they will do CS for patient choice but obviously don’t like to. It’s major surgery and takes you far longer to recover.

That's hugely individual though. My MiL had 80 odd stitches with her first, she's still "recovering" 46 years later. I've had 2 emergency sections, both with extremely easy recoveries where I was up and about without pain relief in hours.

Was it a Consultant who said no? My GP sister in law said the trick is often to keep asking because they'll take you more seriously the 2nd/3rd/4th time.

barbiedreamhouse · 16/06/2019 18:55

Op I had the same experience as you. I was also 17 and when I begged for some pain relief the midwife said "well you should of thought about this before you opened your legs" 😳 I was absolutely terrified not only because of the pain but because I knew my baby was going to be born with her bowel and intestines on the outsider and I was panicking about what would happen to her. I too had to have a lot of stitches and i was terrified when I had my next child but it was fine and I had a much better experience and no stitches. Talk to your midwife/doctor. Good luck.

Littlemissdaredevil · 17/06/2019 15:45

Can you speak to your midwife and see if they can refer you to a counsellor?

What is it that specifically worries you about childbirth? Could you tell the midwife what you want put in place so that it doesn’t happen again?

I had a traumatic birth with the DD due to the sadist of a Midwife not believing I was in labour (rapid labour and I was induced with a back to back baby) and generally making comments like I was a special snowflake! I complained to the hospital and the matron has said that she will assist with my birth planning - which I hope mean put what must be done on my notes. Top of my list will be that if I request pain relief it must be supplied immediate not if the midwife feels I need it! I’m also considering hiring a doula so that I have someone who is their to advocate for me in labour as DH was shit and just sat their passively the whole time!

broken1982 · 21/06/2019 02:41

I had some really horrible midwives for my first birth and they really did make the whole experience even worse however I gave birth for the second time yesterday with two fantastic midwives and what a difference!
I was scared to death about giving birth a second time because of the knowing what I was in for this time and I must say yet again it's put me off having anymore just for the sheer birth experience
You'll be absolutely fine. All the best to you

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