Afraid of second labour

[1sttimeunicorn]

I am expecting DC2 in about 6 weeks and can feel myself getting more anxious daily. My labour with DC1 was quite terrifying, I was induced due to him being a small baby and had a 4 day back to back labour which ended in forceps in theatre after they thought they needed to do a C-section. Prior to DC1 I lost 3 babies to miscarriage including one fairly late on, and so really my labour with DC1 was all about 'just getting a live baby'. This pregnancy has been different, no issues with growth and really I'm being 'left' to get on with it by midwife and consultants etc (I'm under consultant care) but I'm starting to feel horribly anxious.

I feel like because birth of DC1 was so medical and led by Drs/midwives much of the time, I haven't really experienced a normal delivery. I'm also getting thoughts about dying in childbirth and not sure if those are normal thoughts, especially having had DC1 who is 2 and heavily reliant on me. Does anyone have any reassurance about second births? My heart pounds/stomach flips when I think about it!

My first labour was horrendous (ventouse, PPH, second degree tear and episiOtomi). My second was a drug free home birth in a pool! It was wonderful.

Sounds like you’ve been though the mill OP. I would recommend a hypno birthing course - I did positive birth company digital pack for £35 and would highly recommend.

Also, it might be worth a referral to your peri natal mental health team to talk though the trauma you’ve been though and find the right path for you for your upcoming birth.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I know you’ve not got long till you’re due date but definitely still time to do the hypno birthing.

First was a very long induction and resulted in rush to theatre and forceps and recovery was long and painful.
Second was spontaneous at home, no pain relief, and I was at the shops the next day.

The odds of a better second labour are in your favour. No guarantees of course but your body should have a better chance as its not unchartered territory. Hope it goes well.

Thanks for the reply, and those are great suggestions. People have mentioned hypnobirthing and I have so far been a bit cynical, because during my first labour I must have had every drug in the hospital. I will download something on my phone and give it a try. I will also mention this anxiety to my consultant at next appointment, which is next week. I've been having growth scans which they are continuing with for my peace of mind but tbh I don't think they see the point because this one is growing on track and fine so far.
I was also thinking about creating a playlist of songs that make me feel relaxed.

Thank you Tooty! Gosh I hope so too. not sure how spontaneous I'm allowed to be as I have the strep B diagnosis issue in my notes but fingers crossed.

Had a similar experience to you first time round with my DS. Was very anxious about second birth but was so much easier. Did you have any counseling after the birth? Or chat through your previous birth notes with your midwife? My hospital offered that to me, but I didn't get to take them up on it as DD came earlier than expected!

I was skeptical about hypno birthing too. But it is excellent. Honestly, the positive birth company one is great and a bargain. You’ll find lots of other mumsnetters recommending it.

I’d also recommend googling positive birth stories and having a read (doing this is part of hypno birthing anyway)

I would recommend hypnobirthing too - I had an induction and it all went out the window when things got hairy and I just wanted the good drugs, but it really helped me remain calm during the early stages and I think it would be an enormous help with a less medicalised birth.

My DD2 is 2 weeks old and I can honestly say labour 2nd time round was so much quicker and easier. With DS1 is was horrendous, with an episiotomy and forceps after 33 hours in labour. 2nd time round I had a natural delivery after 7 hours in labour. I think there is some truth to the reasoning that your body knows what to do now. As for hypnobirthing I had been listening to a cd in the weeks leading up to the birth. On the way to the hospital I put it on to calm me down but I just shouted to my husband “get this crap off!” It made me giggle so it did relax me in a roundabout way! Good luck with your new arrival. Think positive and you’ll be amazing! Xx

There's a lot to be said for your body knowing what to do with the second. 1st - 49 hour labour, bingo card full of intervention / drugs, prepped for c section, got away with(!) episiotomy and forceps. 2nd - waters went at 11:30 pm, babe in arms by 3am. Was only really painful for the last hour (no time for drugs).

My advice would be to do whatever you can to encourage a calm environment - don't let your thoughts run away with themselves. Stay at home for as long as possible. It was the panic that got me with my first I think. Hypnobirthing is great, if only for learning relaxation techniques

Good luck (deep breaths!)

Another recommendation for hypnobirthing from a converted cynic! I only listened to CDs (this was 13 years ago so old tech! ) and it helped more than I can say.

I also felt it was so much easier not doing it for the first time. There were a few difficult moments but I felt like I knew what was happening and that I could get through it. First time I was so terrified and out of control ☹️

Yet another one saying go for hynobirthing! I was sceptical but saw it as a way to complement whatever else I needed rather than as a substitute for anything.
I was so scared about my second birth. It turned out great, easy home birth and nothing like the horrors of the first. Good luck, I really hope it goes well.

It’s totally understandable that you feel nervous, I think most mothers do before any birth, no matter what number it may be. I definitely did before #2, and was looking after a 2yr old just like you so I know how you feel!
I’m echoing everyone else here and saying that second time around was easier and calmer, and recovery was better too.

I did a lot of positive affirmations before my second birth which helped loads....I found some on YouTube (rather American and cheesy, but what I needed! “I can do this, I am a strong woman” kind of thing!).
I also wrote post-it’s with positive thoughts and practically wallpapered the house with them.
Also calming music at bedtime; a lot of stuff similar to hypno-birthing I guess.

To be honest at six weeks to go I felt terrified too, but the closer I got the better I felt, because I knew what I was going into, and that everything would be ok however I ended up giving birth. Maybe knowledge is power in birth?!
Good luck OP, you can totally do this and it’ll all be worth it for your gorgeous new baby!!