Visitors in the hospital?

[charlottreb13]

It's my first baby and as my understanding depending on how the birth goes and how baby & mum is depending on how long after birth you will have to stay in hospital. Some girls are only there for a night or even a few hours if everything goes good. I told my partner that if I'm only there for a day/night I don't really want my visitors other then him and my mum (who will be my birthing partner) I don't really feel comfortable with a group of people crowding round me, taking photos and holding my newborn so soon after I've given birth. Do you think I'm being unreasonable? Just feel abit more comfortable if I was home, showered and stuff before other family members came to visit. Obviously if for any reason I'm in hospital for a few days I would expect grandparents to wait that long but I don't see the issue in me asking them to wait just a few more hours until I'm home to see baby? Anyone else not have visitors after birth and how did it go down with family members (I don't even want my dad there until I'm home so it's not just his side of the family I'm saying no to)

Personally I would let them come then. You don't have to 'host' them and you can arrange with a friendly nurse to chuck them out when you have had enough. When they visit at home they are more likely to overstay their welcome.

But ultimately it is your choice.

I would definitely wait to have visitors until you get home. Except for my parents, everyone else had to wait. To be clear, my in-laws lived quite far away so it wasn't that I excluded them. They came for a 4 day visit a month after the birth.

My in laws are the type to be sitting in the car park waiting for an update and then bounding down the corridor!

I have told DH that I don't want any visitors in hospital at all, unless we are in there for an extended amount of time. I want to enjoy the bubble of the 3 of us.

I have also said that I am more than happy to have immediate family visitors on our 2nd day home, not the first. I would like to spend our first 24 hours in our home with our new baby. DH's immediate family is 6 adults and 3 kids, so it's not like just 1 or 2 people. My whole family is 5 adults!

I know they just want to share in the excitement of the new baby, but I want to feel comfortable with our child in our home first.

DH just keeps saying "we'll see at the time" so I just keep repeating myself, 1 or 2 days is not unreasonable, considering everyone lives within 20 mins drive of us and will want to "pop round" often!

I had my partner and mum with me as birthing partners, then dad drove to come pick us all up after I self discharged myself from hospital.
Hubby's parents and grandparents came the next day.

I would wait until you're home but make it clear to everyone now what your plan is. If you have anyone who's determined to come see you at hospital, don't even let them know you had baby yet.

We didn’t have any at all but I was only in for a day and night post birth - I was discharged in the morning and my parents and PILs came to our house later that day. It wasn’t really planned that way in advance but everything felt very chilled and it worked well. The time passed so fast in the hospital that although our son was born first thing in the morning it was evening before we knew it. And I sent H home for a decent night’s sleep because I wanted him to look after me and the baby without both of us being exhausted! His mum brought over a meal for him and I think she enjoyed looking after her own son a bit when he needed it.

Both mine and my partner parents live within a 20 minutes drive of our nearest hospital and then same to our house so I'm scared even thou i may ask he's parents I don't really want any visitor atm they'll just turn up at the hospital. Can you ask the nurse not to let any visitors in?

I said no to visitors the first day bar parents dp's dad chucked his dummy out the pram and has never spoke to us that his girlfriend couldn't come 3 hours after I had ds1 we had a whole bunch of people come day 2 at home it was over whellming. Ds2 when people said when can I visit I just said I'll let you know and refused to bow to any pressure some people (aunts and stuff) that didn't usually visit us waited a week or more because I wanted the important people in our lives to be around first.

I found that I was on a real post birth high when I was in hospital immediately after my (straightforward) births. I was in a great mood and felt really chilled.

The ILs came to visit when we were in hospital, which in retrospect was for the best. Once I’d got home, that’s when I had my hormone crash so I was feeling really weepy, covered in leaky milk and sweating so much I needed to shower twice a day. If I’d had to put a brave face on for visitors I think I would have exploded!

We have said no visitors in hospital and we'll let people know when they can visit at home so no pressure of so many hours or days after. We will probably want to see people fairly quickly after but at least this way we feel more relaxed about it in the build up. I think you can tell the hospital no visitors.

You're not unreasonable at all, I would feel the same. Chances are you won't be in hospital long, the last thing you need is to be overwhelmed by visitors. You'll need your rest.

All the best for a speedy and successful delivery of a lovely baby .

I'm quite a shy and private person too. I feel like having just given birth is abit of a personal time and I'd feel super uncomfortable with even my dad being at the hospital so soon after birth. Also I feel if I'm home, showered. Feeling abit more human I would happily have visitors stay a little longer and more relaxed. Plus my boyfriend has twin brothers who are young and crazy! I would feel bad on other mum's on my ward if they came to visit in the hospital all excited and stuff. At least if we're at home they're not in other people's way to. I know they'll be excited to be uncles

I was adamant on no hospital visitors unless I was in for days. It's such a special personal and private time that you won't get back - it is yours and your partners baby, nobody elses!

Thankfully I was in and out within 12 hours so didn't have to worry about it in the end, but I made sure people (especially pushy mother in law who thought she had god given rights to be sat outside waiting) that it was time for me and my husband and me and my husband only!

Don't feel bad for enforcing what YOU want. Even if it does piss people off, they'll get over it.

I was adamant I wanted no visitors at the hospital. I wanted that time to be the 3 of us while I established breast feeding and started recovering. As it happened I had quite a traumatic birth and ended up in ICU strapped to a bed with a catheter. Couple of hours later, in bounds my mother and aunt wanting to meet the baby while the midwife was helping me breast feed, then a couple hours later in bounds my sister while again the midwife was trying to help get baby to latch. The midwifes then understandably didn't really want to help me breastfeed as they had helped me twice but were interrupted. When pushed, my mum just said I had to understand they were excited and had A right to bond with the baby too. I'm still so angry about it and so embarrassed they saw me in that state. Especially as they took photos and put them all over Facebook.

I didn't think about this, and it's one of my biggest regrets. DD1 is now 8, and DH and I were discussing her birth just last week. What I still haven't fully managed to tell him is how upset I was about his mother being at the hospital.

I had a difficult birth and was, in hindsight, quite traumatised by it. I needed time, and peace and quiet. What I did NOT need was my mother-in-law being brought to the hospital (she doesn't drive, lives an hour away and he picked her up from a station) by DH, sitting there for a few hours and then coming home with us in the car, and spending a few more hours at our house. I didn't want my own mother. Honestly, I'm not sure I really wanted DH. But he was on cloud 9 having just become a Dad and, not for the first or last time, was completely oblivious.

Set out your stall now OP, and remind him, and them, of it regularly. Let them come when you're home and settled.

I love DH, truly I do, and I have many flaws too, but his lack of empathy in the days following DD1's birth caused a tiny fissure in our relationship that I'm not sure I've ever really dealt with.

Dd was born last may. Lunchtime. Sil works in the hospital and was looking to come and see us after we moved to ward from recovery room. She was told no. I didnt want any visitors that first day after cs other than dp then ds later that day.
Was feeling pretty out of it from the drugs and was in no shape for visitors.

I just wanted to add when I had my section and had a section I was on the ward a few hours after with nursing helping me stand for the first time and clean up and I was very sick and the person in the bed opposite had 30+ visitors in 2’s over the 1.5hr visiting time, yes have your mum/sister etc but not all your husbands mates from football and their wives etc when you are on a ward. So you could also use ‘considering the other women on the ward’ as a reason to only have those you desperately want to see straight away.

Stick to your decision, plus I thought children wouldn't visit unless they were your own. I'm pregnant with my 2nd after a 6 year gap. My ils are really selfish in visiting. When my mum died (they didn't know my mum even though she tried) they announced they were coming to visit, it was only 2 weeks after she died. She died young.
So I've said I do not want any visitors apart from my family (sister is amazing and she's my twin, we are super close and my dad is looking after when hubby is at work as I'm suffering hyperemesis) for a month after birth. We dont see our in laws for 2 years, then they visit for 2 hours .

I'm sticking to my 1 month rule as I want to enjoy time as a family before my hubby goes back to work. Even after a month I wont be running around after people so they can meet the baby.

(I have the best friendship group and we do really help each out, dont think I'm a selfish old grump)

I was in a few days with a planned section but I only had my sister and my dad visit me on the first day (with husband). I had one set of grandparents visit each day but if I went home after one day I wouldn't have had everyone arrive on me either. I have been really strict with visiting. My baby is 6 weeks and for the first 3 I only had the above people visit on a couple of occasions so me and my husband could bond with our son. This was on advice and it worked for us. My baby is 6 weeks old and extended family and friends only just starting to see him. I don't want him getting ill either and being passed about too much until his jabs. It's your birth and baby you can decide everyone else just has to accept it :) x

My plan is no family whatsoever other than DH at the hospital. Our twins are likely to arrive before 36 weeks and may well need NICU support for a few days at least so I want to focus on recovering from my ELCS and on getting to know them. I have no family within a 4 1/2 hour journey so have no concerns that they might try turning up. DH’s family may well want to visit but we will be putting them off in a variety of ways - they think we’re under one hospital but we’ve actually moved hospitals and not told them yet; we will add at least 7 days to our booked section date to stop them just turning up on the day; one of the few things on my birth plan will be NO Visitors without our prior agreement and, if anyone turns up, they are not to be allowed in!!

I am planning a home birth but this was a recent decision and before that I had absolutely the same stance as you (apart from having mum as a birthing partner). I'd said no visitors as we were hoping to leave as soon as possible, but obviously if we're in there for longer than expected then visitors are welcome.

MIL was NOT happy. She went on about how she had been looking forward to seeing the baby when it was new. Bearing in mind I'd only said no to visitors at the hospital if we leave same day/next day, I don't know how un-new she thinks the baby will get in the 24 hours after birth!

I felt incredibly fragile and emotional in hospital - long induction, baby not feeding, catheter still in - so just had a short visit from my lovely mum. That was plenty!

The rest of the family visited once we were home and everyone was fine with that. Had they not been, that would have been their problem - you don't get this time back, do things on your terms and sod everyone else, they'll get over it!

I was in for two nights with my first. We called our families after she was out, didn't need them knowing I was in labour. As she was born just after midnight we didn't call them until morning.
They offered to come visit but I declined. For me I don't need people sitting around my bed, I don't like having people see me in bed or not properly dressed.
We brought baby home the next day which was Christmas. All our families came over for Christmas Dinner which my mum cooked in our house. I was having difficulties feeding so took myself, husband and baby to my bedroom to feed and for a rest. It was the best way to do it really as my mum did the hosting and I'm perfectly capable of looking at people without drinks, not offering any and figuring they'd help themselves if they were thirsty lol.

Stick to what you feel is right for you. This is one role your partner can really help with, getting the message across to others and holding space for you.
A good tip for when you come home is to stay in pyjamas, reminds visitors you have just come home from hospital. 💚