overbearing Mom

[samfaaa]

Hello,

I am new here, 30 weeks pregnant and just wondering if anyone has any advice on parents who won't listen!

I am pregnant with my first child, my husband and I have wanted this little love for years, I have the greatest husband in the world he is my absolute be all and end all and has been a dream support if it was just us vs the world everything would be just perfect

My Mom seems to think that she will be present at the hospital, not with me, but has said she needs to be there for me from the beginning of my labour.

Now I understand some ladies are lucky enough to call their Moms their best friends but our relationship is far from that, we have never been close, I have never been able to confide in her or have the relationship I have wanted and this is fine, I accept it.

But since we broke the news of our baby everything is hers, its her baby, she cant wait for her baby and even though I have said I want no one but my hubby there she insists on being at the hospital, its so bad that we have told her we are with a different hospital I am so anxious that she is going to try to take this private and magical experience away from us, I have spoken to my midwife who has reassured me that no one will come near us and the baby unless I agree but I can already feel the pressure.

Mom wants to be the first visitor, the first one to hold the baby, but me and hubby want some time to ourselves. The thought of giving birth and then having to hand over our baby to someone already fills me with dread! surely I have earnt the right to snuggle my baby as long as I need too when I finally meet them.

I've tried so hard to tell her we don't want anyone there, as nicely as I can but she keeps saying I will need her and want her, but I don't, this is between me and my hubby and I want it to be ours for just a little while

I have got through 34 years without her being there for me and cannot see how it would change now I don't mean to sound negative about her, we have a relationship but with my upbringing and how it has been through life I did not expect her to be so suffocating, everything is her and hers, this baby is not mine and I'm really panicked about it, any advice would be lovely. Sorry for the essay, its all come out!

Is this her first grandchild? Sometimes mums get as much excited as becoming a grandparent as their child does becoming a first time mother. My mum was in the room with me and my partner when my child was born but she asked if she could and I spoke to my partner about it before even giving her an answer to make sure we were both on the same page. Luckily we were. I'm not best friends with my mum but wanted her to have a stronger relationship with my son than she does with me.
If your mum cant understand that you want the moment to be with you and your husband then that's her problem. This will be YOUR child, not hers. You are not out of line or anything like that. How you bring your baby into the world should be up to you. If you dont want her there for the birth she should respect that. Not force you into letting her be there or make you feel bad about the decision. You shouldnt have any stress atm because because you're at a fragile state and the stress could cause harm to either you or the baby. I hope she leaves you alone and let's you do things your way

You don't tell her when the baby's on the way. You go to hospital, have the baby and tell her afterwards when you're ready.

It's usually MIL who gives these problems!

The only way to manage this is to tell her NO, you will not be there during my labour each and every time she brings it up. You also can't let her know when you're finally going to hospital. No social media posts, not a whisper. Remove her from The equation entirely.

100% what single said.
Do not tell her when you go into labour. Wait until you are ready for her to visit wither that be her visiting the ward when you are sorted or when you are discharged and at home.
Only what you and your dh need right now is all that matters.

Thank you all so, so much for the responses, I needed so badly to read these. It will be her first grand child and I know shes excited but its terrifying!

I have tried so hard to say no to her being at the hospital, but I think I will take the advice and not let her know when I go into labour its hard not to feel guilty but you are right, its what me and hubby want that matters

thank you all so much! xx