PTSD from childbirth?

[MummEE2]

My DS is now 5 months old and I'm not sure if I'm suffering from a possibly mild PTSD? Labour in itself was straightforward and quick- 2 hrs. On paper it was the perfect delivery with a little bit of gas and air, no stitches, healthy baby. But in reality my contractions got very strong from the very moment my waters broke. When I got to hospital the first medical person I saw didn't believe my waters had popped and asked to see evidence on pad, after which she told me "it's just a show, not waters" as the water continued to drip down my legs 😒 I kept asking her for pain relief but she was extremely slow and reluctant. She told me I had paracetamol at home already (as I told her that's what I had). After MUCH pleading she eventually said she'll examine me and then will see if pain relief is appropriate. As soon as she examined me she pressed alarm and said I'm fully dialated and ready to push and it's too late for pain relief other than gas and air. This is where I broke down. I was in tears.

On top of that they then couldn't sort even the gas and air at first due to machinery and for the majority of pushing I had no pain relief whatsoever.

I was also put in a room without a bed due to lack of rooms and had to give birth on a sofa on all fours. This was not what I wanted at all but couldn't do it in any other position due to being on a sofa and not a bed.

Just writing about it makes me well up. I had never felt so vulnerable in my life. I don't feel depressed but cannot think of labour without getting vivid flash backs including how I felt physically. This might be TMI but I don't like having sex from behind anymore as this is how I gave birth (before it was always my favourite position) and I have not had an orgasm since as it doesn't feel the same down below. Every time I have sex now I get flashbacks from the labour.

Has anybody experienced similar feelings post birth? Is it PTSD or not? Do I need to do something about it or will it get better with time?

I’m sorry you feel this way about your labour. Have you considered asking for a debrief and contacting the Birth Trauma Charity?

I've not heard of a debrief. What would that involve?

I got mine by contacting my hospital’s PALS and they put me in touch with the supervisor of midwives and she then went through my birth in detail from the notes and was able to answer various specific questions that I had.

Birth reflections is a service you can access, go through your health visitor. A specialist midwife will talk through your birth with your hospital notes so you can process it and should give you access to therapy if need be. I think if you're dwelling on it and it makes you teary/flashbacks and affecting areas of your life it could be ptsd. Sadly don't think it's uncommon to feel ignored during labour and the experience sounds awful for you. Don't feel you have to minimise it, your experience is valid, it's not all about a baby being born safely and zero thought to the mother's experience. It shouldn't be anyway. Hope you feel better soon

A debrief is the same thing as birth reflections.

Hi OP,

I can't offer advice as to whether you have PTSD or not (although it does sound like it to me), but I felt very similar to you after DD1 especially regarding the lack of support with pain relief.

It has taken me years to feel more 'normal' and I had a whole year of therapy. If you can access therapy, please give it a try. I told my GP that I needed a referral and they didn't hesitate to refer me.

Thank you everyone. I guess It would be sensible for me to speak to my GP although feel a bit apprehensive as on paper it was the perfect delivery. Hopefully they'll take me seriously. I know something is definitely not right with me as when I had my DD 10 years ago I had epidural and a really lovely relaxed delivery. Had no issues after having DD and was back to healthy sex life 8 or so weeks after giving birth. With DS it's been 5 months and I'm not myself and I can't see my feelings improving all by itself 😔

I'm so sorry you went through this

I do think labour is traumatic and we ignore how brutal it can be and the effect it can have on women because 'oh it's natural' and all that (despite us not being made to birth babies the size we do due to their heads being larger and us being narrower when we evolved to walk bipedal)

I'm so angry that the person said 'examine to see if pain relief is appropriate'. If a patient is in pain and pleading for help then they clearly need analgesia. We as HCPs are supposed to listen to what YOU are telling us about the pain as an exam can mean ball all when everyone feels pain differently.

Prequelle knowing I was not treated the way I should have been makes me sad. I'm not very good with pain at all and I genuinely think the HCP I saw thought I must be making up how much pain I'm in and being over dramatic. That or she enjoyed seeing me in pain. I honestly wanted to slap her when she said I'm fully dialated and it's too late for pain relief. As had she listened to me when I was pleading for pain relief I don't think it would have been too late as I asked as soon as I got to hospital and kept saying I can feel things down there and things are happening.

My experience and my life now could have been so different had I been listened to.

I haven't actually spoken to my DH about how I feel about the labour and having sex now. Again I feel like I'm being over dramatic as giving birth is supposed to be natural and my midwife and everyone at hospital afterwards kept saying how well I did during labour and what a lovely healthy boy I have etc. No one has a clue how I really feel

This totally resonates with me. I found the birth of my child traumatic but always feel I need to apologise for feeling like that because it was quick and textbook.

I have a low pain threshold but we have quick labours in our family and I do wonder if the speed of it increases the pain, or at least does not give you time to adjust mentally to it. I also felt ignored by my midwife (my mother who was there says I was being ignored so not just my perception, my mum had to go and find her numerous time and she did nothing to help me manage the pain either by talking to me (I panicked the whole at through) or by offering me pain relief.

I didn't want to hold my baby after the birth and looking back I think I was in shock for a few days afterwards.

The whole experience was awful and when I was pregnant again a few years ago I asked for a Caesarian as I couldn't face going through it again.

I don't get flashbacks but I certainly haven't forgotten it like a lot of mums seem to say. I struggle to comprehend how anyone could forget it!

Speak to your health visitor. Mine helped me access the birth after thoughts at my local hospital were I gave birth.

It does sound like talking it through with someone might help you?

I also had PTSD-like symptoms (never got formal diagnosis, so don't know for sure) but a very different birth to you. I had to take my baby back to the same hospital at 4 weeks PP as he was referred for having a temp. I saw the parking space we parked in when I arrived to give birth, and I started having a panic attack. I can still remember my labour and delivery with crushing accuracy, and it's been 16 months. I had flash backs until probably about a year PP.

I'm coming out the other side of whatever it was I had now, but I think it would have helped me, to get some help earlier.

Best of luck

I definitely had PTSD after my first was born - people kept telling me I had a "bit ofPND" but I absolutely categorically knew it was NOT PND. It was definitely PTSD. Took me about 6 months to come through it I'd say. It wasn't major serious, didn't stop me doing anything but definitely was a "thing".