Feel sad about my birth experience. Failed at hypnobirthing.

[Cocopops2010]

Hi everyone I could do with some advice (and maybe a shake).
Dc is 5 months old and is a lovely baby. Sleeping and feeding well so I have no excuse to feel low. However over the last few weeks I’ve got really down about the birth. I can’t stop thinking about it.
I had done a hypnobirthing course and listened to the MP3s a lot, did the practice breathing etc. I tried to keep an open mind but really wanted a low intervention birth. (I guess everyone does, so I know i’m being silly.)
Anyway baby was two weeks late so was induced. Pessary worked and the breathing really helped. However then my waters broke and the pessary came out and then I was told I had to go on the drip.
It was awful. I tried really hard to keep my breathing and visualisation going but my contractions came on top of each other and I felt totally out of control. After three hours I had an epidural. Anyway the short version is that epidural failed after a few hours on one side, 12 hours later was finally fully dilated failed ventouse and ended up with forceps and episiotomy. 36 hours from pessary to birth.
I don’t know why I feel so sad now. I feel I failed which I know is silly. All the hypnobirthing practice I did told me it didn’t have to be painful etc but I just couldn’t cope on the drip at all. I really wanted to give birth in a UFO position which my NCT class had taught me about but ended up on my back feet in stirrups.
I need somebody to give me a shake and tell me to cheer up.

@badgergirl123 yes I know the contractions are totally different aren't they? Before I had the drip they felt...manageable. Painful yes, and I'm sure would have got worse, but somehow I felt I could tackle them. The drip is a whole other story. I still can't even really find the words to describe it.
@pipsqueakthethird you had a really tough birth. I read somewhere that the main cause of birth trauma isn't what actually happens in the birth, but whether you feel supported or not. It sounds like you were made to feel bad which is terrible, a complete neglect of their duty as caregivers. I hope you are feeling ok. It's not your fault you had forceps. Its nobody's fault at all. It just is. When you were giving birth, you had to have forceps. That's all there is to it. That's how I try to think of it anyway. I hope you feel better soon and I am so glad you've found this thread helpful. I've found is so helpful. xx

@mymumdimensionjumps Thank you To be honest, I think on reflection that hypnobirthing did help me. I kept very calm throughout even when the forceps were brought out - and I had been terrified of forceps. First time labours are often difficult. Am so glad your second was easier - hopefully if I have a second it will also be easier!