Home birth

[zombee]

I am planning a home birth for roughly 3 months time. Trouble is I really want my mum as my birthing partner and she won't support my decision as she's worried about the what ifs and things. I can see where she's coming from as this is my first but from what I can tell if anything was to go wrong I'd get to hospital within 20 minutes with a team waiting for me already so not too different to what I could wait if I was in hospital, and with more regular monitoring anything should be picked up quicker too.
Can anyone give me their experiences of home births just so I can present my mum with real life experiences as well as facts please?
Anyone with really bad hip and bum pain who had a home birth I'd also really appreciate hearing from as I'm concerned about that.
Thank you 😊

I had awful SPD/PGP with my third (I was on crutches) and had a home birth. It was my best experience of the three, I really loved it. The midwives let me do what I needed, didn't interfere much, and were just in the room for the important bits. There was one midwife monitoring me, and one monitoring the baby.

It was much better than being in the midwife-led unit as I had my own bed, had my own shower, and all of my lovely kinds of tea and coffee. Recovery was quicker, the birth was easier, and it was (vom alert) an empowering experience.

I also loved that my older children could meet their new little sister as soon as they woke up.

The SPD/PGP went away pretty much as soon as the baby arrived.

I can understand your Mum's worries as it's a first birth, but for a low risk pregnancy it's fine. The midwives will be very experienced.

Thank you @GrouchyKiwi your experience sounds lovely! A lot of people I've spoken to who have done hospital births have said they felt like they were rushed out of hospital ASAP and so some didn't get a chance to breathe and just relax with baby for a while, did you feel like that?
I'm on the autistic spectrum and so love being able to sit in my chair with my blankets and my drink in my mug/cup and feeling in control of what's happening. I feel like every experience I've heard of in a hospital is usually "the midwife didn't let me do this/told me to do something I didn't want to" whereas home births I've heard that the midwives kind of let you get on with it and just support you when needed I guess is the best way to describe it.

No one ever knows how birth will go, no reason why a home birth should be less safe, particularly if hospital is fairly close by.

Just don’t have too high an expectation, in case circumstances prevent you from having the home birth.

It’s your choice and that should be supported. Personally I had both of my two without intervention or pain relief of any kind, I choose hospital but I could have easily had my two at home.

Good luck OP.

Thank you @Yogagirl123 I'm not pinning all my hopes on a home birth as I understand it may not be possible to have one due to medical reasons or I may just change my mind when contractions start and it becomes more "real" if that makes sense. I just want to at least try and have one if possible as I don't think I'd be comfortable in a hospital which I've heard can make the birth worse than if I was to stay home.
An argument I keep hearing is "you never know how it's gonna go" when you haven't given birth before and that's true of course, but I could give birth ten times at hospital fine and then the eleventh could have something go wrong so I can't see it being used as a really good argument unless I was high risk or had other issues than spd.

@zombee your mum isn't wrong,
My labour went fine and delivery was fine only had 2 stitches and they weren't 'needed' just to stop pain when going to the bathroom, but after i delivered the placenta I started to haemorrhage, If I had been at home like I planned to I would have bled out within 10 minutes, they really looked after me at hospital I felt very safe and stayed on delivery suite for hours then had a lovely bath with essential oils before going down to the ward for 24 hours! Not everyone has a horrible experience in hospital and I am SO thankful the doctors were there to save my life so I could be here for my DD 😊

I'm so sorry for your bad experience @HJWT but very grateful you've shared - yours is possibly the first positive hospital story (in a way, please don't be offended I hope you know what I mean). If you don't mind me asking, were there any indications you could have a difficult birth/after birth before or were you very low risk and everyone assumed you'd have a very straight forward birth?

@zombee I had gestational diabetes but they were going to let me go on the midwife led unit but it was full! Like I said labour and delivery went perfect lasted a few hours didn't push for very long only had gas & air, its just my uterus didn't want to contract afterwards so they had to rush doctors in get a cannula in for medicine and I had a midwife rubbing and pressing my stomach! I didn't remember much other than holding a doctors hand and the midwife scooping the blood of the bed to measure it (TMI sorry!) just want to be 100% real...

@HJWT thank you for being so honest, I hope you've recovered now and are enjoying your time with your DD. It wasn't what I wanted to hear but it does help knowing someone's experience of something going wrong that could have been fatal had you been anywhere else so thank you.

I initially wanted a home birth, but in the end I was induced, as baby didn't come. I was 42 weeks, when he finally arrived. So had to go the hospital for induction. I'm so glad I had him the hospital, it was so different to what I expected. I didn't have pain relief and I needed an assisted delivery as he was a big baby. I needed it to get him here safely. I would not risk it with your first when you haven't experienced birth.

I could not care less what colour the curtains were, who saw me half naked etc. It just didn't matter once the birth was happening.

Birth centres are less hospital like, consider all options.

Unfortunately birthing centres aren't an option as the closest ones are two hours away from me. It really is hospital or home @nosemarks
I understand it probably seems I'm dead set against a hospital birth and that I just want experiences that will prove my mum wrong, but I do appreciate hearing from women who really would not have been able to do it at home but there wasn't much indication of that beforehand.
I also think it's more what happens before and afterwards that would make me uncomfortable in a hospital eg waiting for a bed or to be discharged vs sitting in my chair at home with my creature comforts and walking around a familiar setting when possible. It probably sounds ridiculous but to someone with Aspergers these "small" things really do make a big impact on their life.

I had both of mine at home, but am less than 2 miles from the hospital which definitely played a major part in my decision, especially with my first.

Both were straightforward, though first was pretty long and I probably would have ended up with some kind of intervention based on MLU/hospital policy had I been there (transfer to labour ward after 90 minutes pushing, intervention at 2 hours- mine was close to 3).

Second was also straightforward but stressful due to a series of unfortunate events! Pregnancy care was all through a case loading team so all appointments at home- brilliant.

I wanted a home birth and managed the first 12 hours or so at home. Baby was back to back and in the end I just needed more drugs and more help (forceps delivery in the end after another 17 hours).
I totally understand your reasons for wanting to stay at home. I wanted to be in my own surroundings, with my own bathroom and no hospital stresses. It didn't work that way, but that was fine too. Hospital was a few miles away and it all ended fine.

zombee My first birth was fine. I went in at about 7:30pm and the baby was born at 9:00pm. My Mum says the midwives didn't really listen to me when I told them I needed to push and then it turned out I was right. But I thought they were nice enough. They wanted me to stay longer the next day but I wanted to go home so I did.

For the second birth they checked when I arrived and as I wasn't dilated they wanted to send me home. I had to make them let me stay, and my baby was born 2 1/2 hours later. It was incredibly intense and I was glad to be in the MLU. The midwife that time was great and let me do my own thing. But I had to fight for them to let me stay the night. I was shattered and didn't want to go home yet. I did get to stay.

Each birth is different, and the best place to be for a low-risk pregnancy is where you feel the most comfortable.

I've had two home births and hoping for a third with this baby.

One thing I would say is it's easier to plan a home birth and decide nearer the time/in labour that you'd rather be in hospital than it is the other way round! With my first, the midwives were very clear that I could ask to go in at any point, and that they'd recommend this if they felt it would be best.

I'm also on the autistic spectrum, and being on my own space helped me relax and feel in control of what was going on, and they were both really great experiences. Being able to snuggle up afterwards and stay that way for as long as needed, without being on anyone else's timetable, took a lot of stress out of things. I have quite a lot of sensory issues and being able to control the levels of light, noise and even smells to an extent that obviously wouldn't have been possible in hospital really helped me.

I keep hearing is "you never know how it's gonna go" when you haven't given birth before and that's true of course, but I could give birth ten times at h

Midwives, in my experience really do feel more confident in your capacity to have a normal delivery if you have done it before.

My midwife was very dubious for my first (delivered in hospital for medical reasons) but once she had seeen that I had a normal delivery, she was fully supportive for home birth for my second. Which was a fantastic experience. My cousin had a post partum haemmorage with her first (home delivery) and was told no home birth for her second. My friend has had 3 children, all c sections despite her planning vbac. She was told that her body just isn’t able to do it without running unreasonable risk for her and her baby.

What I’m saying is the HCP’s do take a line which is that primagravida are more of an unknown, so they feel less confident about supporting a HB.

That being said, I wish you best of luck with it!

I appreciate what you are saying. My local hospital has a birth centre attached, worth double checking.

I didn't wait for a bed, you are in room to give birth then once there is a bed they take you to the ward. But you can actually pay for a private room overnight, I think it was about £120 a night. So that's an option.

My point was babies heart rates can drop and an emergency can happen very quickly. It is your choice but honestly, you won't want to sit down in a chair after giving birth, comfy or not It's a haze, it's amazing you won't notice things like you do day to day.

I'd recommend some hypobirthing tp prepare.

I'm planning a home birth for my first. We have a very experienced home birth team in our area who were very positive about me choosing home birth even for a first pregnancy.

Obviously things might not go to plan, and I could go to hospital instead, but there's nothing wrong with having a preferred option! Like with you, my midwife said that if there were complications, we'd be at the hospital before theatre would be ready.

I'm in Dorset which actually just won an award for their homebirth team and I think it's been said it's the safest place in England to have one so I definitely don't feel unsafe in their care.
I've been to a home birth group as well which calmed my fears, so I think I'll be showing mum this thread and taking her to the next one.
Thank you so much everyone who shared their experiences with me and for being so honest 💖