Freaking out

[Anothertempusername]

Am freaking out about imminent labour / birth. Sweep next week and induction 2 days after. FTM, obvs I know millions do it, people have 2/3/4 kids etc. Just quietly going mental imagining many terrifying scenarios.

Any advice?

Have you read any books? I really recommend that you read The Positive Birth Book (it's an easy read so you should be able to finish it before you're induced) and look into The Positive Birth company. I find that if I'm clued up on something then I am less anxious about it, it's the fear of the unknown that gives people anxiety! I had my first baby three weeks ago and felt really positive and excited as my due date got closer because I knew what to expect and knew all the possible outcomes and what my options were. Your body was designed to birth a baby and knows exactly what to do, and you'll have a team of amazing people who know exactly what their doing too!

Is there any particular part that worries you the most?
If it’s pain just work your way through the options or pick the ones you want.
If certain possibilities are the issue you can say no to certain procedures
There was one procedure I wasn’t prepared to have and just wrote I don’t consent to x on my birth plan ( in fact that was my birth plan). Not everything is avoidable but it can be discussed.

When I asked a midwife what I should do to prepare for childbirth, she replied "do anything that enables you to give birth without fear".

I'd highly recommend reading or listening to some information about hypnobirthing. I thought it was rather 'hippy' and 'airy fairy' when someone mentioned it to me, but it's based on the science that when you remove fear and tension you feel less pain. I attended an NHS hypnobirthing course (based on Katharine Graves) that explained the physical process of giving birth in far greater detail than my standard antenatal class (therefore my 'fear of the unknown' was relieved) and it was explained that just like when you have standard cramp, if you tense up, your muscles can't get on with the job and have to fight, therefore causing more pain than necessary. My labour wasn't pain free (I wasn't expecting it to be!) but it did feel very manageable and I had a lovely, calm birth. I feel very positive about my experience and have no qualms about going through childbirth again.

I'd recommend reading this: www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1911558021/ref=dbs_a_def_awm_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i0?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

My other advice... Try to remind yourself that most births don't end in the terrifying scenarios you're thinking of. People often only discuss the horror stories, but there are many more positive birth stories.
At the end of the day, "what will be, will be", you'll give birth one way or another... Worrying about it now won't help you on the day!

I'm not always this anxious about it, it's just I know there's an "end date" next week so it feels almost more real than if I knew I could just start labouring naturally. I was really against an induction my whole pregnancy but have been advised by GP, consultant and midwife due to macrosomia.

I've read a couple of hypnobirthng books and feel like I have some breathing exercises down, I think if I'm honest the fact that so many medical people have told me the baby is going to be enormous (due to be between 10-11lbs) although I know there's room for inaccuracy that number has stayed in my head, and the rational part of me that knows my body is designed for this has been taken over by the irrational "fuck that shit" side of me

Thanks so much for the responses so far though :-)

What I found really helpful was how I viewed and thought about the pain of contractions- rather than fighting against it, tensing up and thinking oh god this is awful I would try my best to think "this is normal, my body needs to do this to get the baby out, each pain is a step closer to meeting my baby" etc.. I had done some reading about hynobirthing and even found the background information reassuring- that our bodies are designed to give birth and we actually instinctively know what to do.
Look up active birth stories too- so much more normal to move around during labour and to give birth squatting/on all fours rather than lying in bed

They estimated the size of my ds 12 oz smaller than he was on a scan 14 hours before he was born. There was a student sonographer who said he was bigger then the fully qualified one came in and said no much smaller! And the bump measuring seriously inaccurate.
I had an augmented labour and had an epidural before the drip.
You can ask for a c section at any point even in labour if you’d prefer.

I was upset to be told i needed to be induced - it wasn’t what I wanted. I longed to be one of those mothers whose waters broke at home and could calmly labour in the bath / then pool etc... didn’t happen.

Best advice is to try and just live very much in the moment and deal with the reality as it is now, rather than what you want it to be. Deal with the situation you are facing hour by hour and try and stay positive! I was lucky to have some nice women in my induction ward and we all kept each other cheerful and chatted. It passed the time.

I went in to be induced on a Friday afternoon. Needed to be on fluid drips throughout the nights of Friday and Saturday as they were concerned baby’s heart beat was too fast, so I barely slept at all but just tried to relax and rest as best I could -I read books and tried to keep myself entertained etc! By the Sunday night still not in labour and still needing fluid drip / constant monitoring due to the heartbeat. I was exhausted and uncomfortable. Around midnight on the Sunday they wanted to try breaking waters. I was only 1cm dilated and didn’t feel at all like my body was ready to labour. I thought long and hard about it all and asked if I could opt for a c section at this point. I was absolutely fed up of being on my back and unable to move around. I was terrified of them progressing to inducing artificial contractions and me needing emergency interventions / theatre delivery with forceps etc. I just really didn’t want any kind of emergency situation and wanted things as calm as possible. They considered my request and said that if I was happy to wait for a few other ladies to go in ahead of me then they would do a section, and it took place at 4.45am on the Monday. It was calm and whilst I was freaking out about prospect of surgery, it was my preferred option compared to what could have been a complicated vaginal birth. As it was, the experience was positive and straightforward. 9lb 8oz baby, here safe.

Speak up to the doctors and midwives around you and share your fears with them. In my experience they really listened to me and I felt cared for and as if I had a say in what happened to me. You have the right to speak up at any stage of the induction process and you know your own body best.

I did a hypnobirthing course the second time around and like whereland thinking differently about the contractions seemed to help me. First labour I tensed up against every contraction, trying to make it go away really and I think that just made it more painful as my body was working extra hard against all my tensing. This time round I made myself think about what the contraction was doing and tried to tell myself it was what I needed my body to be doing, and breathed through it rather than tending up my whole body against it. Don’t get me wrong it still hurt but somehow it made me feel more in control and the pain felt more bearable.

I was freaking out but when you actually go into labour your body just takes over and instinct kicks. Your worries are forgotten and your focus is driven by your body in labour you don’t have chance to worry. P.s I’m now in my fourth lol 😆

Thanks for all of your stories. Sweep tomorrow, first thing. Not overly excited for it

Juno Sudin Birth Skills is a brilliant practical book with lots of techniques. I had a sweep and it did nothing. Went into labour the day before I was to be induced. I think that mentally you have some subconscious control as with my second I went into labour exactly the day and time I wanted to. But if it's all just luck then I wish you a heap of it.

Please don't freak out i was in the same boat last week, i got induced Saturday after two failed sweeps but as much as I wanted my body to start labour being first time mum i had nothing else to compare it too! Don't be hard on yourself.
You would of heard different stories or read online about it all but honestly its over before you know it, advice firstly don't go in with a plan just go with the flow it's honestly the best way!
I had the pessary in at 11am, contractions started roughly 2pm it gives you time to get the breathing in try different ways with each contraction.
I had my baby at 9am Sunday morning with only 40 mins active labour, i went from 5cm to pushing in the time of moving rooms, it went so fast but there was women taking few days don't be scared it will be the most amazing experience you will go through plus worth it all in the end! I wish you the best! Can't wait to hear about it

As far as I understand op, big babies aren’t harder to birth. I have a large baby (almost 11lb) and ended up emcs but it wasn’t her size . Friends have had babies of 10/11lbs and baby has been born naturally with no complications.

Just because you've been told your baby will be big doesn't mean they will be. I know several people who were promised a 10lb baby but ended up with smaller. I've delivered 3 babies all at nearly 9lb and survived. Honestly I think whatever size you have it's going to hurt. So try not to get too hung up on the potential size.

Best advice I had was the same each time. Try to relax. It made me utterly insensed the first two times - relax? Who can relax in labour? How? It wasn't until the third time that a midwife explained it to me a bit more. She said that if you relax your jaw your vagina will relax and the pain won't grip you in the same way. With each contraction try really hard not to let your body tense up. I used to sort of try and fight off the contractions but clenching up but honestly it was the worst thing. You really do need to try and relax.

They're just estimates, big babies aren't any harder to get out so don't fret about that. And hypnobirthing. As others have said if you can go with the contractions rather than fighting it's all so much easier. Listen to some podcasts (Maggie Howell) fall asleep with them running. I breathed my first baby out in 6 hours and actually enjoyed the whole experience (second one was awful but let's not talk about that 🤣) Good luck!