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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

What do you do with your older child when you go into labour with your second?

22 replies

cornflakes5 · 03/04/2019 16:23

This is a question for further down the line: if you are pregnant and have a toddler, what happens to the toddler when you go into labour?

My husband and I don't have family nearby, and our close friends all have children of their own so it doesn't feel right to dump a toddler off with them (plus they don't live close either).

Obviously my husband can stay behind and look after the toddler, but the thought of going through labour without him is making me feel queasy 🤢

OP posts:

olderthanyouthink · 03/04/2019 16:40

I've thought about this as we don't have family close by (nearest are an hour) and I'm going to assume my next labour will be faster - last time I ended up having DD at home before even an ambulance could get to us.

I think I might like a planned Home birth next time so DD would just be with us I suppose or in childcare and then call around friends and family to look after her. If I was having a hospital birth unless I could leave her with a neighbour straight away she'd probably be coming with and again call around for someone to come get her.

No way would I be trying to go to hospital without DP, he's not missing the next birth.

(I'm not pregnant again btw)

Original poster

cornflakes5 · 03/04/2019 18:49

Home birth is a good idea, but I had a days long labour last time that involved all sorts of intervention, so I don't think I can expect an easy labour next time 😅

OP posts:

Sunshine1235 · 03/04/2019 18:50

I had a neighbour who would watch him for an hour or so until my parents arrived (they lived an hour away)

BirthdayKake · 03/04/2019 18:52

I'm 25 weeks with my fifth baby and this is one of the reasons I'm planning a home birth! Although they're not going to enjoy me screaming in agony, that's for sure

mummmy2017 · 03/04/2019 18:52

Neighbour took my oldest fed her and put her to bed with her child...
I have also done this for someone we knew as she was panicking, as no family near by.

Aozora13 · 03/04/2019 19:00

My parents live 3 hours away. We arranged for them to come and stay the week before my due date until whenever DD2 arrived. Of course I went into labour the day before they were due to come. Cue my mum & dad leaping into their car and tearing down the motorway, me getting to the hospital an hour after they arrived and baby arriving an hour after that!

Cfs83 · 03/04/2019 19:07

Of course it's ok to dump them with friends in this situation. I can't think of anyone with kids who would mind the inconvenience for this exceptional circumstance, it's hardly setting a precedent for childcare! We lived in a different country from all our family so had a short list of several nearby friends and colleagues who we asked in advance. When I went into labour, DH and DD1 drove me to hospital, we messaged everyone and got me settled, had a couple of offers to take DD so then DH was able to calmly take her and get her settled then rejoin me. Friends then coordinated care amongst themselves until DH could come back after the birth. The only tricky bit was not letting on to DD how much the contractions hurt on the way there.

Original poster

cornflakes5 · 03/04/2019 19:12

cfs83 you reckon it's ok to ask friends? Perhaps it is! I'll put some feelers out

OP posts:

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 03/04/2019 19:16

Take them with you to hospital because it's 3am and everyone who promised they'd take him is fast asleep in bed and won't answer their damn phones/door.

So whilst I was in labour arguing with midwives about getting the c-section I had booked earlier than planned before I got too dilated and then crying on the lovely doctor they produced from somewhere, dc1 and dh ate their way through the fancy hospital vending machine. 2 hours later my in-laws arrived and took dc1 home.

One of my friends chose a better time to go into labour so I took her toddler to a toddler group with my two and then out for lunch before dropping him off mid afternoon with another friend who had him until his Grandfather had finished work and could collect.

BibbityBobbityEars · 03/04/2019 19:16

Taken to stay with SIL at 40 weeks (3 hours away) . Born at 40+4

Would have gone to friends nearby in an emergency if he’d come earlier.

Cfs83 · 03/04/2019 19:29

It's really, really ok ! Was literally the only time we ever asked them, always paid for babysitters for nights out. I think if your friends know you aren't a piss taker with childcare and it's quite obviously a one off (at least for another 9 months or so!) they won't think twice about it. I now always offer pregnant friends who I know don't have family close to be one of their back ups.

Cfs83 · 03/04/2019 19:30

I did feel a bit awkward asking too though but it worked out great. I always knew that worst case scenario DH would get me there and be able to look after DD and I was capable of doing it alone with midwives if it really came to it.

SoyDora · 03/04/2019 19:31

Definitely ask friends. I have a 5 year old, 3 year old and a 12 week old and would do this for friends if they were worried about childcare.

GummyGoddess · 03/04/2019 19:34

See this thread from someone in the same position as you, might be helpful?

SallyWD · 03/04/2019 19:36

We have no family nearby. My MIL came to stay 2 weeks before due date until about a week after the baby was born. It was amazing to have someone around to take care of my toddler and just generally help out.

vgiraffe · 03/04/2019 19:44

My mum came to stay about a week or so before DS's due date and luckily he arrived whilst she was here! We were going to have MIL before that but she wasn't able to come. When she pulled out, a mum friend (who I don't even know that well) offered to step in if I went into labour! She also has no family nearby so probably hopes I'll return the offer when she is expecting another baby! Just ask your friends, it's a one off and you'll probably be able to tell by their reaction how they feel about it! How far away is your family? They may be able to get to you before you need to go into hospital but obviously you'll need a back up option in case of a quick labour.

witherwings · 03/04/2019 19:50

Definitely ask friends. As a mum of 2, I offered a neighbour and also another friend to have their child. In the end, I wasn't needed but I'm sure any friend would do the same for you.

dotdashdot · 03/04/2019 20:01

My family lived 400 miles away and had no friends/neighbours that I could ask. Waters went in the middle of the night, phoned my mum who booked the first flight of the day and managed to get to us in time to pick my oldest up from nursery. If she hadn't made it the plan was just to go to hospital on my own until she got there.

SoHotADragonRetired · 03/04/2019 20:33

I had about 5 backup plans involving friends, PILs, and my nanny. In an extremity I would just have left him with DH and given birth alone, I could easily have had my first alone. He was safe with PILs in the end, but I would totally do this for a friend or beighbour, no question, as would most I assume. It's a one-off and all someone would have to do is keep him fed and safe for a short time. Most people would be honoured to be asked, in fact I had more than one friend proactively volunteer.

butterwithtoast · 03/04/2019 20:39

We're in this situation at the moment. I'm 40+1 weeks with second baby and have a 2 year old. Plan A is my parents come and watch our daughter, but they live 2 hours away so really hoping labour doesn't progress too quickly. I've got a couple of friends close by who have offered to have the toddler if needed, though I'm worried about things kicking off in the middle of the night, not sure they'd be so keen at 3am?! My Dad's staying for a few nights at the moment which has taken the pressure off. Fingers crossed baby comes while there's back up around!!

Original poster

cornflakes5 · 03/04/2019 21:26

I suppose the question is, will friends still be keen at 3am?

Thinking back to labour for my first, I was in absolute agony for about two days before I went to hospital and was allowed in (didn't stop me trying to go in once before that, and was turned away!). I guess if it's slow again, I'll just have to scream with DD in the house! Poor DD (and DH).

Thank you PP for link to other thread.

OP posts:

Thejoysof2boys · 04/04/2019 15:47

I'm going through this at the moment. I have a 22 month old and I am 37+4. I have really had no plan up to now as it's impossible to know however I always planned that my partner would stay behind with DS1 until my parents could get off work and get up to ya (they are an hour away also).

We don't have any friends or neighbours we could leave him with nearby so this is the only option and actually although you may fear now going through labour alone, I am a lot more panicky about how DS1 will cope, what he will have for dinner, what time he will go to bed and all the usual mum stuff! I will be much more relaxed and ready for labour knowing he is in familiar surroundings and happy than being carted off to a long distant family members and wondering where on earth his mum and dad are. At 22 months he only partially understands what having a baby brother means.

I'm now being induced today/tomorrow due to baby's size and although I thought it would be easier it's not! I am sat here waiting for the hospital to call and decide when they have a bed free! DP is at work, and so are family members so it's going to be a case of leaving him with DP I think and then send him to his grandparents for the weekend! He loves it there so the best option for me is wait until tomorrow and hope he can just stay with his grandparents for the weekend and by Monday it will all be a fairytale dream and done and dusted
I can dream right?

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