How do women seem to just pop babies out???

[Alicia870]

My labour was a marathon- back to back 50 hours. Ended with ventouse and an episiotomy which ended up with infected stitches. It was a hellish recovery. I felt as though I'd been through a plane wreck - everything ached and down there... omg! Ouchhhhhh for weeks and weeks. I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I couldn't lie down without being in agony. I needed stronger pain meds than paracetamol to get me through the day. I couldn't walk properly for weeks. It felt like I was carrying around 5kg in my pelvis!
Honestly- it was a rough recovery. But is that normal! How do other people seem to be sitting with hair and makeup done on day 3 and walking around town and dressed in jeans a few days later?' I don't actually get it? I've only had one baby so far- did I have a particularly rough time or do other women just pretend and then go and cry in the toilet?! Don't get it!

The heaviness was probably caused by the infection.

Don't worry, I'm completely with you, I had a 5 day labour. Was hallucinating from the pain which eventually ended in an EMCS. Felt like the only thing I could wear in the weeks after delivery were homer's moo moos!

I'm pregnant again and already terrified of the whole thing

My first was a gruelling 36 hours ending up with rotational forceps. It was horrific.

My second was induced, around 8 hours from first painful contraction to birth.

My third was 40 minutes from painful contraction to birth.

My fourth was 10 minutes. I delivered her myself. Albeit in hospital as my waters had broken hours earlier, with no contractions but due to my history I was admitted to the labour ward as soon as my waters broke. Going from 0-10 in 10 minutes was not fun and I was shaken for quite a few weeks after.

My first took months to recover from physically and years mentally. Second and third were both fine physically and mentally. Fourth one did me over physically and mentally for a while if I’m being honest.

Labour sounds like a lottery ticket system you either have it good or terribly bad, I can't handle the the mystery of the unknown literally gives me anxiety. Going to stick with csec and hope for the best hopefully I don't go into labour before my planned date think that is horrifying. I honestly don't want to know what breaking my waters feel like or what a contraction feels like.

I'm exactly the same as drogosnextwife I had hellish pregnancy's in and out of gospital on drips for hg. But as soon as babies born I was out and about the next day. Don't know if it's cause I was so ill when pregnant that when they were born it was a new lease of life?
Take care and don't compare we are all different and your recovery sounds awful x

OP my first delivery was very similar to yours.

The second I had him at 3:30am, Was home by lunch time, had a take away and a bottle of fizz we'd been saving for dinner, and was happily pottering about making guests pots of tea etc. I think I was so shocked that it wasn't like my first experience I was elated and helped me to be very perky.

Am glad it happened that way round though - would have been a shock to the system the other way! I don't think it's to do with the person, but to do with how the experience pans out on the day(s).

Also - I had same delivery as you OP and had a vulval hematoma (sp?) afterwards. I felt like I had bricks dangling from my womb and labia for about 3 months. It does go!

Might be too late to help now - but I sprayed the massive maternity pads with water and put them in the freezer. Like a dream on decimated nether regions!

I was up and about much more quickly after my second than my first.

After my first, the Labour was relatively short but I did push for 2 hours and my body was completely shot and I lost a lot of blood. Took weeks to be able to walk to the end of the road!!! It was good to get out and meet other new mums so we could share war stories, including those who looked like they’d snapped back to normality (which they hadn’t, looking good was just their way of coping with it all).

I would say give it another go and then see how you feel.

My first birth was similar to yours, many hours long, episiotomy, forceps, agony sitting down, retained weight, etc. Not as bad or as long lasting as yours but still traumatic.

2nd birth I thought I was fine and drove to the chemist one day after the birth but overestimated how far I could walk. Just 100 yards and I felt like my insides were falling out.

3rd birth was as easy as doing a poo. Really. It reminded me at the time of those stories of women working in the fields, going to the side of the field to give birth and then returning to work.

4th birth, slightly harder than 3rd but I did the school run the next day with new baby in the pram.

At what point did your stitches get infected? Because mine did but about 10 days after labour so I experienced both with 'normally' healing stitches and with infected ones - and the infection absolutely changes everything. I was on of those lucky people who was on a massive high after birth, was up and about and out the house the next day, doing long walks with the pram after a few days (which GP actually said probably caused the infection, that I didn't rest - but I didn't feel like I needed to) but then when my stitches got infected I went from almost pain free to in agony when I walked, and it also came with enormous fatigue. It then took me about three weeks to be up to walking to the corner shop. From my anecdotal experience of exactly one post-partum recovery, an infection makes a much bigger difference than you might assume - it's not just that it's sore in the site of the infection, it makes everything else difficult too.

@NewAccount270219 that is true - I think it was day 5 pp when the midwife came out and i was leaning over the sofa sobbing saying I can't sit stand or lie down I'm in so much pain! I was like' no one told me I would be black down to my knees after giving birth!!' It was horrific. She took a swab and it took 4 days later for them to tell me it was an infection and had to take 2 different anti biotics and up the pain meds. Oh it was absolute torture and I think the infection also gave me a bit of a fever too. And doing it all while recovering from that marathon where I got no sleep for 3 nights, being sent home with a newborn so no sleep there either, and with bleeding cracked nipples! I might sound dramatic but I'm not even being ott.

After the stitches eventually healed (took a long time) I was left with this body that felt like it had been squeezed into a ball. I couldn't even turn my torso left or right my whole body was so tight and sore. It really did take months and months but I am so proud of how far I've come as I'm actually back to a good level of fitness 6 months later. I thought I was ruined for life!
How could I go through that all again though!!! Can they ever decline your request for elcs??

Ithink actually what u describe doesnt sound normal. I had very long and short labours, some with stitches , but have never experienced what you describe. Feeling weak and tired yes, suffering after pains yes , but was always out and about within few days , with some paracetamol for after pains. Black and blue to your knees and taking months to recover? I would be talkjng to gp/ requesting your notes from the hospital, something went wrong somewhere.

@Needadvices I think so too tbh. I am in the process of trying to get my labour notes debriefed.

So sorry you went through that OP and thanks for giving a detailed honest account. I chose to have two c sections so I could avoid all what you went through and I truly believe women should be presented with both birth and section as equal choices, with all pros and cons fully explained. Having a section IS painful afterwards, you can barely walk, going to the toilet is hard.. but I think dealing with genital/vagina damage is harder than an abdomen wound.

I'd never want to undermine the recovery from a section. I know it's a huge deal and very painful also. But I can't help but think in the grand scheme of what I went through, each painful contraction lasting 50 hours with no sleep, and the damage to my nether regions and pelvic floor afterwards- the section sounds a lot easier!

I had easy births. First one 4 hours, second one 12. Up and about as normal just days afterwards.

But.. I had hellish pregnancies. Severe HG with both. Ketosis coma, ruptured osophagus (worst pain ever experienced), multiple admissions, chemo antisickness drugs.. both resulted in early births (31 weeks and 33 weeks.

Everyone is different.

I had a long and painful back to back labour for about thirty hours established.

BUT
The pushing bit was easy for me. Once ds was in position in the pool (MLU) he basically came out in one big push with very little damage.

As a result I recovered fast. I felt like my metabolism was on fire. I was starving hungry, slept so deeply the midwives has to wake me to feed ds each time, I (TMI) has healthy active bowels the next day and no constipation. I needed no painkillers and I think that helped too. For me it was like recovering from running a marathon or similar. I was sore at first and exhausted but elated and healthy.

OP - you were unlucky last time but no reason to believe it won’t be completely different next time.

Neither of mine wanted to come out and were back to back. Had to have c sections with both and whilst recovery wasn't too bad I was ages before I was back in my jeans or fit to walk any distance. I remember nearly passing out in Morrisons 2 weeks after having DS

I don't call it luck, I call it bucket fanny

Nice to hear people saying it is just luck rather than some of us are just weaker. Also, I had a c section and it was the worst day of my life - yet people see it as the easy option. I was induced, went to 5cm v quickly, was in active labour for 3 days, spent an hour and a half pushing (midwife thought I was fully dilated - I wasn't), uterus haemorrhaged and then emergency c section needing two life saving blood transfusions and operated on for hours so didn't see baby for 24 hrs. Then I got an infection from the transfusions. I couldn't walk unaided for 4 weeks. I've genuinely had people say "you're so lucky you had a c section" and "oh the easy route out the sun roof". It makes me so sad. Currently 23 wks pregnant and feel like I have to defend and explain why I'm having a planned c section and it certainly isn't a "too posh to push" thing!

@Kentishgal - you poor thing, that sounds so tough. I had a planned section (7 weeks ago) and for me it was a really good experience. Controlled, calm and the recovery was really good. I really hope your planned section goes well, all the best x

P.s - it is by no means the 'easy option'. I also got a lot of those comments x

Thank you yakadee - that's good - I'm a bit scared but hear lots of positive planned section stories so focussing on those. Also I was v lucky - my daughter was v healthy and I know some people aren't so lucky - that must be awful. I've also known of two people who died giving birth so I guess you have to count your lucky stars.

I think we are sort of packed off and told to get on with it and few of us get proper specific medical advice.
I had also had a terrible labour and it took 6months to be able to sit down on the floor and get up or to be able to walk more than a very short distance without being in agony. 6 years on recovery has been partial. I’ve found out by accident that as well as all the tissue damage I was aware of, I also broke my pelvis. I had no treatment or knowledge of this. I also told very few people how bad things were and took heaps of painkillers to cope. But basically would avoid meeting friends if they suggested pushing buggy in the park as I knew I couldn’t walk. It was very isolating.
If you did have a good recovery please don’t say things like “well, I was able to do X, Y, Z”. It adds to the sense that those of us who are struggling are doing something wrong.