Family's comments regarding birthing choice and baby name choice.

[hugelypregnant]

Hello, just wondering if any one here has had similar experiences?

My family still treat me as if I'm 13. I'm the youngest sibling and haven't always fitted in.

In reality I'm 25, have a mortgage, a husband and a daughter, with our second child due very very soon.

This time I'm opting for a home birth, it just feels like the right thing to do and I have been really positive about it. But lately my mothers and sisters comments have just been plaguing me.

Comments like I'll die, I'll bleed to much, 'I think you'll give up and need a cesarian'
(first birth was very quick and natural, with no pain relief, I think I'll be alright to try it this way and if I need to go to hospital, I'll go to hospital. It's 4 minutes away in a car.).... all of these comments aren't said in a 'I'm worried about you' sort of way, they are said quite bitterly and sharply.

I get CONSTANT remarks about the name we've chosen too. I know! My mistake for telling them the name. But seriously why would you tell someone you're meant to be close to that the name they have chosen is vile and it would be better to call the baby, this, this or this.

I've tried calling them out but they say I'M being rude!

How have/would you respond to these kind of comments? I don't want to be rude myself but I also don't want them thinking they can talk to me like that. It's ruining the last few weeks of this pregnancy and has made the past few months rather uncomfortable

I think you'll just have to smile sweetly and rise above it. You're doing very nicely without their input. Maybe that's what they don't like?

It wasn’t all that long go that home birth was the norm. If your midwife is happy and confident that you are health and with no complications the why not? If there are any serious medical complications then you will be whisked to hospital but why would they worry about this (have you or the baby any issues?)

And names - well people will always comment. Just tell them that the baby is to be called Alphonse or Balonz and let them get themselves into a state of anxiety over that. Unless someone is pointing out that your chosen name is a swear word or potentially offensive or embasarring then it’s wholly up to you - it’s not really their choice is it?

It seems they are trying to bring you down. Are you at a better stage in your life than they are? It sounds like they are jealous of you and want you to fail. Perhaps they can see you doing great and feel a bit redundant so they are trying to involve themselves and interfere to feel needed?
They obviously don't like the fact you are a grown up.

It's hard isn't it OP - I'm 31, my partners 38, we're expecting our second (well my first but his second) but we STILL get treated like children but our mums.

When you fall pregnant it's almost like you're fair game and people think you really need their opinions - you don't, it's your life not theirs, and even though it's so hard, smiling and nodding and agreeing to disagree is the best way forward. Arguing with them almost gives them more fuel.

My family have been downright horrible to me about some of my choices, saying they're 'stupid' - and it's hard because all you want from your family is support and acceptance! But unfortunately sometimes it's just not going to happen, and in the end it makes us stronger people!

(I'm having a home birth too by the way!!)

I wouldn't say a better point in our life's than them at the moment, we all are alright, mum and Dad have their own home and my siblings all do too, perhaps relationship wise, yes me and my partner are just happy when maybe there's things going on in their relationships.

It just makes me sad, my mum was present at the birth of DD1 (in hospital where everything went smoothly and quick) and because of how she is lately i really don't want her at my home birth. (She keeps asking if she's coming when there's no one around, I keep making excuses about care for DD1)
To be honest she was very flappy around me in the hospital last time and kept saying how awful it was! It wasn't!

The comments are just so crappy, I wouldn't dream to say anything like what they say to me to a pregnant lady. To anyone.

I do need to rise above it but again, when I try to they say I think I'm better than they are or I'm being rude. I can't win!

I'm 41 and my dm always puts my choices down. I just don't bother any more because it doesn't matter what I say or do, it will still be wrong.

Out of curiosity what were your dm's birth experiences like or your sisters (especially if there is a favourite one)? My dm was especially vicious when I was pregnant with dc2 because we both had fairly horrendous pnd and other related mental health issues. Her response to how she felt about my birth was to make my df have a vasectomy. Mine was that I wanted dc1 to have a sibling even if it was as bad the second time around and she took that really personally.

Perhaps they just don't get how they are making you feel, let them know again.
Do what feels right for you, your birth experience stays with you, make it the best it can be 💚

Hi there, I had my first baby 18 weeks ago. I noticed everyone has an opinion on your pregnancy!! Absolutely everyone and it's awful!! I got told i had gotten fat, that my list of names I liked were out of date and didn't scream success, I got told 'have a section and make it easier' (nothing easy about a section, i ended up having an emergency one)
When we picked our daughters name there was a few people that gave a not so subtle negative reaction. And it upset me so much I actually considered calling her a different name. Until I thought nahhhh f##k you, she's my daughter. And now I'm so glad because her name really suits her.
You do what makes you happy, and you call your baby what you want to. Enjoy your birthing experience, I would have loved a home birth but it wasn't possible for me.
It's an exciting time for you don't let anyone take that away from you it's far too precious x

Don’t discuss things with them. If you chat about things, people seem to think that means it’s a discussion, meaning they think they are allowed to state their opinion (sometimes loudly). Chat about things you would chat about if you weren’t pregnant.

Never tell anyone the name you’ve chosen.

The problem isnt that they think you are 13.

The problem is that they arent very nice.

I wouldn't see them un til they stopped beung arseholes.

Either don’t tell them anything, lie if they ask, or say,”that’s an interesting idea” and change the subject.

It's anxious criticism. I wonder if you could say 'you haven't been very supportive and you stressed me out last time'

The best way to deal with this is to 1) have your home birth and 2) call your baby just what you like.

You are 25 they have no hold over you. don't bother yourself with other peoples' problems.

I would keep your DD1 at home with your when you have your second and just ask a friend to occupy her during the actual birth (unless she is over about 8, then I would let her be there to see the birth). Good luck with your impending birth OP.xx

Stay away from them til after the birth. Or close them down each time they even start to make an off comment.

How can people be so shitty? Feel free to ask them that on my behalf!

Enjoy your homebirth and your baby.

I would distance myself from them until after the birth. You don't need that sort of negativity around you just now.