What to bring friend after emergency C-Section

[Kez437]

Hi All

Grateful for some ideas. My best friend had her little boy via emergency c-section on Friday night. Mummy and baby are generally well but I think my friend is finding it tough and is very sore. She has a little girl who is 18 months and her labour was so smooth, she was a week late, no tears, very quick. This year she got married and moved house and I know it's been very stressful for her, especially whilst pregnant. Her hubby isn't very hands on with their daughter and actually had a ski trip planned for 2 weeks before her due date for her second. Baby actually arrived 3 weeks early! She's still in hospital and I haven't been to see her yet but I will probably call on my own some time later this week when she gets home (obviously with her go-ahead). Any ideas on what I could bring her and not just baby? I think this birth has taken the wind out of her sails a lot and she could do with some tlc. Not a mum yet myself so just wanted to check what you would have appreciated? Especially after a c-section? Thank you!

Food! And a spare pair of hands. Can you prep some meals they can just stick in the oven and reheat? Maybe something toddler-friendly too like Bolognese, a cottage pie etc. My friend had an emergency section recently, when her DH's paternity leave was over I went round a couple of times and just ploughed on with her housework! It depends what kind of relationship you have and whether your friend would feel this was intrusive. My friend was so grateful. I just did things like cleaned the kitchen/stove, hung out laundry, cooked dinner and left it ready, and then I sent her to bed for a few hours while I cuddled her newborn. She has since said she thought I was an angel, those couple of days of help made all the difference to her.

My MiL used to stop by with big fruit cakes in a tin, which I could just nibble on (stuff myself with) when I was hungry with no preparation or mess. Also useful for giving to visitors who call in. They were a lifesaver, looking back, though I was probably very ungrateful at the time!

A treat bag full of nice juices/tea bags/snacks.

Something for her 18 month DD to play with (distract her with).

A hot coffee and warm pastry she can have as soon as you get there.

Food for sure! I could barely walk after mine and had no other half at home so my friends brought me meals they made themselves or ready meals from the shop and I will be forever grateful. I was breastfeeding and needed to eat but was so tired I could not cook so the food was the best thing anyone could ever have brought!

Are you close enough to her to offer to take her DD out to soft play or somewhere for the afternoon?

Otherwise like others have said, food! Or housework. Or help with food shopping etc

Food to take a big bag of washing home and bring it back within a day or two, maybe take some shoppibg for her (lots of fruit v helpful with painkiller related constipation and can be eaten whilst feeding the baby). Maybe entertain the other children for a couple of hours at home or in the park, if possible?

Agree with all of the above. I was also given things like bath products and flowers and whilst they were lovely - the flowers ended up half dying before making it to a vase and the bath things not used until I was well over 6 months post partum dye to time attached to babies.

So yes to food. Anything full of energy and goodness. Personal favourite was chocolate flapjack. Best thing you can take would probably be a proper flask of tea or coffee depending on her preference or a good takeaway one. I also wanted orange juice and fruit on the ward. Agree with batch cooking though and helping out with her toddler especially - sounds like her DH is rubbish.

Snacks, drinks, floradix or other iron/vitamins, paracetamol, your help and time, toy for the younger child. How lovely that she has a friend like you.

My mum brought me some face cream.
I never thought to pack and the hospital air dried my skin so by coincidence she got me some. I was so greatful.
You sound like a fab friend btw

Time, if you have it. By far the hardest thing is caring for a toddler who you aren’t allowed/aren’t able to lift. If you can play with the 18 mo old, maybe give her a bath or at least a nappy change?

Fleece blanket and pillow +case. Hospital bedding is awful.
I had an emcs and would have so loved food, sweets, mags and a book!

She will be really thirsty and unable to get herself drinks easily - a really big water bottle - preferably with a straw!

Another one saying food! After my c-section my mum portioned up dinners into takeaway style containers and they were lifesavers (even if we did end up eating them at 2am instead of tea time!)

Full briefs!!! So that they don’t rub her scar. Multiple cheap packs of (mostly) cotton ones from Primark were great.

Food. Batch cook and fill her freezer.

Thank you all so much! These are great ideas and I do think a couple of freezer friendly dinners will be much more appreciated than a candle or nail polish. She can be quite proud but if she'll let me I've no problem getting stuck into some housework and washing I'll get cooking some things tonight and pick up some fruit and little things I know she'll like. Tbh I share feelings that hubby can be a bit useless But perhaps sometimes it's only really women who can relate to childbirth, these suggestions would definitely indicate that. And I'm only doing what any decent friend would do and I'm happy to do so, when my day comes along I know the favour will be returned

Nice peppermint tea in case trapped wind is an issue (sorry for tmi but it happens!). Or maybe a pair of maternity yoga pants as they are super comfy and you can turn down the top as your tummy shrinks down...

You sound like a lovely friend, by the way!

Definitely food, my first came earlier than I expected (went into labour at 38+4/born by emcs at 39+1) and I was very under prepared.

Someone to listen as well. I have a friend who had a very easy birth with her first to the point of planning a home birth for her second. It all went horribly wrong and she's still struggling emotionally months later.

By the sound of her husband, possibly some help around the house with things like hoovering (you aren't meant to do it for six weeks apparently, although my first c-section was 4 years ago and it's still dh's job) if your friendship would be okay with that. I know I struggled because we had visitors/midwives/health visitors all coming around and the house felt like such a mess.

Food and painkillers. You could also offer to hold the baby for an hour (and take care of the older child) so she can nap. That saved my sanity in the early weeks after csection.

If she's too proud to ask you to do something when you offer, have a look around. If you see washing on the line, or dirty dishes on the side, even toys littering the floor etc, you could try saying 'I'll just fold this for you, put these away'. I find that it's much easier to accept offers of help when its very direct and specific rather than 'is there anything I can do?'

My friend brought me a hot chocolate hamper with deluxe chocolate powder, marshmallows, dried fruit, squirty cream etc. It was brilliant.

Another friend brought not just food but crunchy food - a stir fry that was all chopped so we just had to toss it in a pan and add the sauce she brought. After loads of microwaved batch cooking and hospital food, something crunchy was bliss.

I'd also just keep offering to help every few weeks, you get a flood of visitors in the first few weeks then it all dries up and people think you want to be left alone. Popping in from around the third month to see if you can help might be even better than support at the very start. Everyone wants to see a tiny newborn, you can feel much more alone in the following months.