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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Taking 2yo into delivery?

14 replies

Echomama · 06/01/2019 22:18

So the nearest people I have that dd would be okay to be left with is three hours away.
I'm gbs+ so would ideally need meds however, if going by her delivery I won't get them in time and it will be a close call to get to the hospital too (at least an hours drive, she was delivered 3hours after waters broke)

She doesn't like being away from me or her dad, so both of us leaving for a prolonged time I think will be very traumatic for her as she's never had to be away from us ever.

Would you take her with you or try to time it so you left as "babysitters" arrive?

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 06/01/2019 22:19

Your DH should take you straight to hospital and look after dd elsewhere until childcare arrives.

Lemoneeza · 06/01/2019 22:20

Her dad would have to stay with her I think.

Thewindsofchange · 06/01/2019 22:22

Depends on her and where you are going. I remember a midwife at the birthing centre mentioned someone whose eldest (about 2 also I think) sat in the room while she had a baby. They were in the corner with a tablet and some food and apparently barely seemed aware that their baby brother/sister had been born. Might be different in a hospital though.

mustdrinkwaternotwine · 06/01/2019 22:23

I doubt they'd let her into the delivery room so your DH will have to stay with her.
We faced this problem so I had a bag packed alongside my hospital bag which had DD's stuff in it, a couple of sides of A4 detailing what she did, what her favourite things were, nursery day's/times & a set of keys and was just going to give her to whichever of the neighbours was at home.

beela · 06/01/2019 22:23

Your dh needs to stay with dd while you go to hospital. He can catch you up later if babysitters make it in time.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 07/01/2019 21:38

I had an elective booked with dc2 but she decided she was coming early. We tried phoning a few people but it was 3am and could only get my in-laws out of bed (they live a good hour and a half away) so we took ds to the hospital. The midwives were more than happy for him to be on the labour ward whilst we waited for him to be collected. In the end, dh took him out to eat their way through the vending machine whilst I talked to the doctors but his being there was not a problem.

Original poster

Echomama · 08/01/2019 20:43

Glad to hear that some people have had their children with them.
I'm just going to have to try to get a hold of somebody on the birthing ward and quizz them I think.
The hospital dd was born in I know where fine with it and really really laid back and helpful. This hospital I'm now in the catchment to seems to be a little less, organised I think I'll say... 😑
My main concern is that if dh is with dd he's more than likely going to miss the birth (99% sure as they both dawdle) and I know he doesn't want to be away from me while I'm in labour either.
Chances of me getting meds are slim to non too so its not like we're going to be there for hours and hours and dd will be restless and bored out of her brain.
Was deffo going to pack some bits for her but didn't think of some of the stuff you mentioned @mustdrinkwaternotwine
I guess I can plan until I'm blue in the face but when it comes down to it, what will be will be. Baby is the decision maker not me!

OP posts:

ready4number2 · 09/01/2019 10:02

I just had my 2nd a few days ago. Same issue, my nearest childminders were 3 hours away. No time to wait so had to take my 2.5 year old with us, which was not the plan. Midwives were brilliant and watched him outside the delivery room whilst I delivered. It was a quick one, not sure they would have looked after him for long, but it was just while baby was coming so dh didn't miss it and the ward was quiet. He then had him back straight after and took him home as soon as childcare arrived. You can only do what you can, I was worried but in the end it turned out fine. I'm sure it happens more than we think, not everyone has family and friends living so close to step in.

Original poster

Echomama · 09/01/2019 19:08

So glad you had a positive experience with taking your oldest!
What trust was it, if you don't mind me asking @ready4number2?
I've got all my fingers crossed that DD will be okay to come with us.
The reality of it is that it's either she's in the delivery room with us, or we home birth.

OP posts:

CatchingBabies · 12/01/2019 08:33

I would really recommend trying to find someone to have your child or leaving her with dad. While children can and have been present you need to think how she would cope or what to would do with her if things went wrong. I was at a beautiful home water birth recently and the mother had her 2 older children with her. Sadly following the birth she had a massive haemorrhage and was blue lighted to hospital while we tried to stop the bleeding. Her husband had to stay at home as there was no time to wait for childcare to arrive and I can only imagine how traumatised those children were to sit in a blood covered room not knowing how their mum was.

birdonawire1 · 22/01/2019 12:18

I think it's an appalling idea. Birth can be very painful and the idea of letting a young child of limited understanding witness their mother in pain and apparently bleeding could be very traumatic. Also if things went wrong and an emergency arose which she witnessed it would be extremely distressing for her. It would be lovely for her to meet her new sibling immediately post birth, but not through labour.

greenelephantscarf · 22/01/2019 12:24

how far along are you?
hopefully time to get dd aquainted to a babysitter.
many hospitals do not allow children under 12 onto labour ward due to infection control. so dh would have to stay in hospital lobby with dc1.

ems137 · 22/01/2019 14:31

We had similar problems regarding childcare when I had my last baby. We didn't have the addition problem of the hospital being far away, just that DD (almost 2) needed me or DH at home overnight for when she woke up. Unfortunately DH missed baby's birth by about 10 minutes, but I would've been too worried about DD being upset if he'd have stayed with me all night so that's the choice we made.

NameChange30 · 22/01/2019 14:39

I think it's highly inappropriate for a 2yo to be in the delivery room with you.

A home birth, I could just about understand, but a hospital birth, no.

Why don't you plan for a home birth? And get a doula to support you while DH looks after DD, or get a babysitter to look after DD while DH supports you.

You will also need a plan B in case you need to be transferred to hospital. Doula goes with you while DH stays home with DD. Or babysitter at home with DD while DH goes with you.

Any option involving just DH and DD with no one else to support you or look after her is just going to be too stressful for all three of you.

There's no way I could give birth with my 2yo in the room and I wouldn't want to inflict it on him either! He wouldn't understand and I think it would really distress him to see me in labour.

An older child that you could explain things to and that could leave the room if things didn't go smoothly, not so bad.

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